The love of my life died in a car accident on July 20, 2017. He was driving on the highway when a speeding driver lost control, hit a median and pushed my husband in front of a semi. Over 2 1/2 years later the legal side is still going on. Up until know I have been keeping myself so busy so I don't have to think because if I do then my pain is too big for me to handle. We had no kids so I am living by myself and with COVID-19 a lot of time on my hands. I cannot sleep and feel so alone. He was an incredible person who made me stronger but he also had high anxiety and did not stay still. So I know with all going on he would be miserable right now and am grateful he doesnt have to go through this. But the selfish part of me really needs him here with me and even though it's been over 2 years I don't know how to deal with life without him. I miss him so much and want to feel his arms around me telling me everything will be okay.
Noel, I'm so sorry for your loss. There is no good time or good way to lose someone we love, but when it happens suddenly it means there is just no time to prepare. Add to that the legal issues that surround your circumstances, and that can make for a very complicated grief. I speak to so many grievers who are right where you are - 2/3 years out, "still" missing their loved one, and wanting them here and thinking that they're doing something wrong in this process that they're "still" feeling this way. In fact there is no time that we can measure when it comes to great love - we're always going to wish they were here. That feeling never changes. Does it mean we're forever sentenced to a life of unhappiness without them? No. The hope is that we can find some purpose, meaning and fulfillment with the life we have left. Of course that is incredibly difficult to do right now being so isolated, but perhaps this can be a time of reflection, and relaxation. A time to come up with a plan for what comes next after this. Setting goals is a great way to start and people usually take it one very small step at a time. I hope connecting with people who have had a similar loss can be a help to you - that's exactly why this site was created. We're here for any questions you may have - if I can be of further help, please just let me know. Please take care, stay safe, and visit us often ~
