A man taken too soon

Discussion in 'Coping After a Sudden Loss' started by aballew96, Oct 1, 2016.

  1. aballew96

    aballew96 New Member

    My name is Ashlee, I'm 20 years old. My boyfriend, Dustin, passed away on August 18, 2016. He was electrocuted at work when his ladder slipped & hit a live power line on the house he was working at. We come from a small town in Virginia. Although me & him were only together 3 months and some, we had known each other since we were kids. He had our lives all planned out. He told his parents who later told me that he had plans to ask for my hand in marriage after I graduated from college. He discussed with me kid names & when he wanted us to have kids. His parents have a rental property & he told them that after I graduated that's where me and him were going to live. The community has been so supportive. Although for the first week at his house, the house was packed with people. Every time I walked into a room I felt like everyone was staring. I would just walk from Dustin's room to outside to get away from the stares. Nights we would gather around outside & drink some. Being around my friends gave me some comfort, but seeing couples comforting each other hurts so much. I don't have that rock anymore. While everyone else cries to their boyfriend or girlfriend's shoulder, I'm left crying tears of grief, pain, & loneliness. Dustin & I spent almost every day together since we got together. He asked me to stay with him at his house because his mother wanted him close to home. He used to tell me all the time about how much his parents liked me. After he passed, his parents have allowed me to continue to stay with them. It's helped a lot. I try to keep minimal stuff in his room because it still smells like him & I don't want that to change. I spray his cologne every once in a while for comfort. On August 22, 2016 a group of us decided to go mudding & afterwards we decided to head to his gravesite. Three miles from his grave, we were in a car accident. They said the truck spun six times & each time one of us flew out. 4 of us were medflighted & 1 was rushed to the hospital on an ambulance. We're all alive which is a miracle, but 1 is still in the hospital & 2 of us are banged up pretty bad. I had 19 broken bones & nerve damage in my right arm. It was the worst week of my life. I wish sometimes that I wouldn't have survived the car accident so that I could be with him in heaven. However, I'm lucky to be alive & in such a tragic accident I truly believe Dustin & God saved us. I have a problem with shoving my feelings to the side. Things in my past I have tried to forget & I try to move on from things as quickly as possible. This has me feeling numb, angry, denial, hurt, lonely, & sometimes I'm not even sure what I'm feeling. I'm having a really hard time coping.
  2. Suziequ

    Suziequ New Member

    Dear Ashlee, I feel your pain as My fiancée passed away 08/24/16 from sudden death. Though I am 30 years older then you and we spent 3 1/2 years together we hoped to get married in 2 years once his daughter graduated college. I too am numb, sad, and mad and I also don't know what to think I walk around saying Why shaking my head. I hope you can reach out to family and close friends I am sorry for your loss he was way to young and life is a mystery for sure. I feel like I am on a roller coaster ride. We have to try and keep the faith and what I have done is got some professional counseling since this has happened. However it will never bring them back and so we need to try and take care of ourselves so we can go on in our lives. I am sorry for your loss and I hope you can find some peace through your faith and with help of family and friends. I am here if you ever want to talk I know life is so unfair it seems.

    Shellbell8706, aballew96 and griefic like this.
  3. Tara Wehry

    Tara Wehry Member

    I know I m having a hard time moving on too. Almost 2 weeks ago I lost my precious loving husband suddenly and unexpectedly. Sometimes I don't want to go on,but he told me if anything happens to him he wants me to go on. Your love wants the same for you. Don't get me wrong. It's NOT easy when you lose someone. I wish I could take away your pain
    Shellbell8706, griefic and aballew96 like this.
  4. Tara Wehry

    Tara Wehry Member

    Yes life is not fair and it sure doesn't seem t make an ounce of sense
    Shellbell8706 likes this.
  5. Allison

    Allison New Member

  6. Shellbell8706

    Shellbell8706 New Member

    Thank you for sharing, all of you. I lost my fiance suddenly over 2 years ago in a car accident. I can understand all the negative feelings. Even to this day, I still struggle with it. I guess it will always be my cross to bear as it is with everyone who's lost someone. I still find difficulty in navigating life without him. Sometimes holding on to hope makes no sense but it is necessary.
  7. Suziequ

    Suziequ New Member

    I am so sorry for your loss My GF carol lost her husband in a tragic accident 4 years ago and she still finds it difficult to this day she had 3 children and continues to raise them alone. Never easy to have a sudden loss regardless if it is a car accident or a suicide or an electrocution like poor Allison had. None of it makes sense or is fair and we are all left on earth trying to find peace. I think the best thing we can do is try and hold on to hope and find some peace and pray for Strength to move forward in our daily lives as we know they would want us all to do that. I am trying to get counseling and will continue to pray and keep plugging .Trust in God!

    I hope you can find some happiness this holiday with family and friends!
  8. Shellbell8706

    Shellbell8706 New Member

    I'm sorry to hear that about your friend carol. I can't imagine how difficult it must be to navigate grief with children that depend on you. I hope you all find peace and hope as well
  9. Suziequ

    Suziequ New Member

    Thank you and the same to you!