21 year old son

My beautiful child took his life shortly after midnight on New Year's Eve after a 5 year battle with bipolar depression. I became estranged with my family shortly after his diagnosis, they didn't understand his illness. It became necessary for me to go no contact with them, I no longer had the energy to fight their accusations (he was ill because I drank to much) and petty grievences (we missed a birthday due to a psychotic episode). I don't regret making that decision. I had 5 years with him that may not have happened otherwise.

My older son has been battling a benzo addiction and his own depression. Both of my sons have sever hemophilia and experienced a lot of trauma and adversity because of their chronic healthcare issues


Fortunately my husband and I have learned to communicate well. He's been my rock. My older son made the decision to move out of state. Being home is just to difficult, our town holds lots of negative memories.

This is my first post and my first experience "talking" about his death with strangers who know intimately how I'm feeling
Thank you for creating this space.

 

JillMarie,
My heart breaks for you, I am so sorry for the loss of your son, and also that your family is blaming you for his bipolar depression. I think you did the right thing by stopping communication with those family members. Like you said, it’s necessary. I’ve had to stop all communication with my sister after my husband suddenly passed away. He was taken from me from a sudden and massive heart attack that struck out of no where. He was gone from my life in 2 hours. I have 3 siblings, my sister started calling me often and offering support. I was a little surprised because we didn’t have a great relationship but I needed the support. Then the calls turned to talking about her woes. I’ve always listened to her problems and did during this too. But I just lost my husband, my mind was in a fog, not thinking clear and now I’m supposed to listen to her saying negative things about other people. I told her I’ll listen but I can’t give feedback, she understood but then kept mostly talking about herself. Then she started judging me, and I called her on it. She wouldn’t apologize but I said. We’ll be ok let’s stay away from each other for a while. A lot of this is through texts. While I’m saying we’ll be ok, she’s writing me a long nasty text saying how I’m an awful sister and I’ve never supported her. I’ve stopped all communication with her since that text except one phone call that I picked up to let her know how hurt I am from the way she treated me. It’s hard having family who should have your back but they only bring negativity. So I have an understanding of how and why you had to stop contact with family members for your own sanity.
It’s great that you and your husband are supporting each other through all this going on. I’m sure you’d love your older son to still be with you but understood his need to move. I hope your in contact with him often.
You did the right thing by joining here and sharing. It’s more helpful then you’ll ever expect. We all understand the pain, no one judges. Continue to read and share stories, it’s very helpful.
Be good to yourself you deserve it.
❤️