My cousin, who was more like my sister, was murdered last year. Her and I shared a bedroom until we were 16 years old. She was my best friend. Domestic violence took her life. I live in NV, the rest of my family lives in NYC. Traveling to NYC, was extremely difficult. 6 weeks later, my 5 year old niece fell out of a 4 story window and passed away. I didn't even unpack my bags yet and was headed back to NYC to help my grieving sister and brother in law. I've been so lost. Their 1 year anniversary, has hit me hard and with this pandemic, my anxiety is extremely high. Especially because of how bad NYC is doing. I am in healthcare and I am trying to stay strong through all of this but I am having a very hard time coping. Feeling lost and I'm willing to try anything to help my mental state and not feel so alone with my thoughts.