2 1/2 years later and the grief is worse

Discussion in 'Loss of Sibling' started by Loretta, May 29, 2018.

  1. Loretta

    Loretta New Member

    I lost my younger sister very unexpectedly 2 1/2 years ago and thought I was coping ok. Now, out of no where the grief has hit harder than ever. I cry all the time,don't sleep well, eat too much and feel like I have to struggle just to get out bed. I just can't seem to cope with anything. I know my sister wouldn't want this but her death makes me so very sad. I always thought that I would be the first to die. I try so hard to be strong for her 3 adult children but I am struggling more and more .
    I just don't know how to get through this
     
  2. Little_Sis

    Little_Sis Member

    Hi Loretta, I just found this site today. I know that your post is a month old, so not sure if you’ll see this. I lost my sister very suddenly 2 & 1/2 yrs ago also. At times I do really well with things, and other times the pain still has a way of rushing to the surface and crushing me. I can’t seem to find my words right now, but I just wanted to reach out and tell you that you’re not alone. Maybe we could talk sometime. Take Care, ~M.
     
  3. Loretta

    Loretta New Member

    Thanks for your reply. It is good to know I'm not alone in this but I am also sorry for your loss. I just can't seem to get to that place of acceptance that she is gone. Her death was so very unexpected and we still don't have a true cause of her death. I think that is why I just can't get thru this. I miss her so much as I am sure you miss your sister as much as I do mine.
     
    griefic likes this.
  4. Little_Sis

    Little_Sis Member

    You don’t have to thank me. I was just checking my email and got one saying you’d replied. It made me feel happiness and hope. Of course I wish that none of us had to know what this is like, but I know the reality is that there are so very many of us grieving for a sister or brother. I think one of the hardest parts of this for me is the overwhelming loneliness that I end up feeling. That I can’t talk to most people about it. And even with the ones that I can talk to, they don’t understand because they haven’t experienced the same loss. I have other siblings, but we can’t seem to come together and talk about our sister. It really pains me because we’re hurting for the same exact person.. but we can’t seem to help each other with it.

    I know what you mean about struggling with acceptance. I can’t seem to find my way there either. I know it’s one of the 5 stages of grief.. we’re supposed to reach acceptance at some point. But to be truthful, my thinking on it is a little different. Maybe a year and a half ago I really began to think; ‘I can’t accept this. Accepting it means that I’m saying that it’s okay. It will never be okay to me that my sister is no longer here.’ Maybe that makes me extra stubborn (I am in many ways), but that’s how I feel about acceptance. I have a different goal in mind though.. I just want to be able to come to the sort of place where I am as at peace as I can possibly be with the loss of my sister. Does that make sense to you? I feel like some people might think that’s the same as acceptance, but to me it’s not.

    I hope that you are able to find answers. We know the ‘cause’, but I still find myself with many unanswered questions. Realizing that it’s very likely that most of those questions I won’t find an answer for probably ever.. that’s rough. I’m glad that you replied. I hope that we might be able to help each other. There is so much comfort to be found in simply being able to talk to understanding ears!
     
    griefic likes this.
  5. JANELC

    JANELC New Member

    Hi Loretta I could have written your original post myself. I lost my Little Sister 2 and a half years ago on the 12th July 2016 to a sudden death with a lot of trauma around it. I was coping okay, looking out for my Mum and Dad and my nieces that she left behind and getting on with my own life thinking that she would want me to be living life. In December 2018, I started to feel overwhelmed and stressed and basically broke down and could not get my Sister out of my head. Although I didn't know it, I had been living in denial and although I could take about her death as if I was talking about someone else, I couldn't feel the pain. Well for the past two months I am feeling the pain, I have anxiety and depression, no appetite, feel sick all day and feel agitated that I want to do something but can't be bothered doing anything. My parents are getting older and they have ben so supportive as have teh rest of my family but i feel broken and so fearful of the future and losing others around me. I have no other sibling. I feel lost.
     
  6. Katynicole189

    Katynicole189 New Member

    I lost my sister in a car accident 15 years ago and I am experiencing this same thing, it was so long ago but it is creeping up again as if it just happened and I can't get her out of my head either. It doesn't make any sense to me, except my friend said to me once that as we go through different stages in our lives we grieve in those stages, like when something big and new is happening it can bring up that grief again because you want them so badly to be there with you. This year marked the year that she has been gone longer than I had her in my life, she dies when I was 14, and now as I am getting older I just long to have a sister to do life with and talk about our mom and all the ridiculous stuff she is doing. I'm so sorry for your loss and would love to be a support to you.
     
  7. JANELC

    JANELC New Member

    Thank you for sharing your post with us Katynicole189. I think you are right, grief hits you at different times in different stages and when least expected. A sibling to share your parent moans to is something that cannot be replaced as they were brought up by the same people. I feel the heaviness of responsibility on my shoulders for my parents, even though I know I need to find acceptance with my loss and live my life as well.
     
  8. Katynicole189

    Katynicole189 New Member

    I can’t imagine the weight that you must feel having to take care of your parents and grieve at the same time. I wish I could help you and take some of the load off. I will be praying for you for sure.