19 days ago half of me died

My name's my name's Christina Marie my husband Dana passed away on November 8th 2018 colon cancer second diagnosis very aggressive he let lived less than a year after diagnosis. I was lucky enough to be able to take care of him at home the end and that was very precious time for both of us grieving as the month's went on, slowly losing him to this horrible disease, it's forever changes you. Four children together 32,28 ,26 and 21 my youngest turned in September it's been hard on them but they're talking about him crying and going through the process of grieving and growing a lot through it it's been a tough road for all of us I just thankful that I have them. I feel so lost it disconnected from the world I don't know the world without my husband so this journey is very scary and new don't know what to do

 

Very sorry to hear about your husband. I hope you find this site helpful - even if just to vent.

 

sorry to hear about the loss of your husband, this is a great site for support

 

Thank you I'm just figure out how to get my messages so far trying to figure out how to navigate this site electronically challenged thank you very much

 

I understand completely..my husband was diagnosed w lung cancer..march 2017...large cell an non small cell..went thru the chemo an rad..then brain rad...then pneumonia for 7 months..cured of lung cancer..diagnosed w liver cancer July 8th 2018 and died August 3 of this year..it still blows my mind..

 

Your loss hit home with me as my wife of 45 years passed away on November 12, 2018 from AML (accute myleoid leukemia). She had been diagnosed with lymphoma in 2007 and remained in remission. Unfortunately, the chemo she received for the lymphoma resulted in AML in March 2017. After two regimens of chemo she was in remission and received a stem cell transplant. She relapsed on October 10th when a persistent cough would not go away. She was the healthiest she has been in a long time and had no other symptoms. She opted to fight the cancer yet again and try for a 2nd stem cell transplant. The chemo proved to be too much and blasts still remained. She passed 28 days later after starting this battle. We spent the summer getting this behind us and were so positive about the future. This happened so fast we had little time to prepare. I have always held my emotions back but now I cry everyday. There is such a void in my life that I get a sick feeling in my gut every time I think about her. I kept a journal of the brief conversations we had her last days. She constantly repeated "I love you so much". I can only hope that when my time comes, I can show such courage and love to my family. My promise to her was I would take over the "grandma" duties. I can only hope I'm half as good as she was. I've tried to focus my anger on cancer. I made sure her obituary told the story about the type of cancer that took her life away. The loneliness I feel is unimaginable. Why do I feel so guilty the moment I think about me? You are so right about your kids, without them I could not do this even though I know they are grieving as well. My friends invite me out and I politely accept and put a smile on my face. I'd rather be home thinking about my wife. We both loved the holidays and she had already bought some gifts and planned the Christmas meals. I hope I have enough courage to do my "grandma" duties during the holidays.

 

Hey Steve I replied a couple times I'm new to this as of yesterday not sure if you got my last message or not making dinner for my daughter and her boyfriend we were going to go to the gym but I don't feel like it I just had her big girl bed delivered haha she's 18 a senior in high school it's her Christmas and graduation present some downstairs making dinner now all I want to do is crawl in my bed and read a book I bought some for me that I have no more work after Monday so I had to chase down another contractor that wants me I have to work tomorrow morning and meet him I wish I could just stay home and bake cookies

 

My boss told me I had no more work stupid phone