The afterlife

I've been thinking a lot about what happens when we die. Will we know each-other when I get there. I know know one really knows but it's in my thoughts all the time. I'm thinking of going to a medium. I'm not sure if I believe in them or not but I at least want to try. I just wish I could talk to her one more time. Why does it have t hurt this much. There better be an afterlife. I just now question is it a myth? How can my beliefs be right and everyone else's be wrong? What makes my beliefs the truth. I just wish I had concrete answers which I know no one can give me. I can't wait to talk to her again.

 

It’s very hard to understand how this happens. One moment you are here then the next moment gone. It’s so overwhelming and miserable to be in grief. I pray that I will be with my love one again . Right now I feel I am being tortured and I don’t know how to stop it or make it though the days on days without him.

 

Tortured I feel is the word I've been looking for describe this pain.

 

I woke up thinking the same thing this morning. I had a wave of sadness that permeated the night and woke up wanting to just be with my husband that died. Sometimes things seems so difficult putting one foot in front of the other. I have been looking for social groups but then when the time comes, I can't leave the house. I know it will take time and nothing to do but wait but I wish just one thing would make me feel I was moving in the way of healing.

 

I can’t wait for time to pass and not feel this emptiness all the time! I seriously can’t imagine a deeper pain than this so I can’t imagine the pain of losing a spouse. It just sucks so bad.

 

THe time will come. Just know it will. Try and get out. I always feel better when I do get out even though I don't want to even try. An antidepressant helps me some. I cant imagine that it would be even worse without it. After 43 years of marriage it is more than just losing your best friend, life partner, father of your children, it is also having the way you lived turned upside down. Suddenly I am making decisions alone, I am single, not a couple, and of course the comfort of just someone you grew up with sleep next to you in bed.