Two months later and no one wants to hear about my sadness and grief anymore

Today is 4 months that my love had his stroke. He was taken off life support 3 days later. Some days I need to listen to his old voice messages and read his cards/texts. But if I’m in that bad place, it is so incredibly painful and all the hurt comes flooding back in. He was my everything and such a part of me is gone. I truly is unbearable.

 

The pain is truly unbearable and there aren't enough words to express the sorrow you are feeling. Sometimes I look at photos of my family members who have passed and all the pain and hurt comes back no matter how long it has been. It is very hard dealing with this. This site has helped a lot knowing that you are not alone and can connect with people sharing the same tragic losses. Sending you a big hug.

 

Thank you so very much. I needed that. This site has been very helpful. Hugs right back!!

 

I find I am much more angry irritated! It's been a year since my husband passed. I have no patience and everything gets on my nerves . The worst is feeling scared everyday! Trying to work and manage things gets so overwhelming ! Deciding on anything becomes a project that I am always putting it off, and when I do make a decision I'm always second guessing if I should have done it! I can at times feel like I'm loosing it, but push through everything to still work manage house and kids but yet feel like I'm not in control. Trying to forget the events has been challenging, I can't step foot into doctors office without having anxiety the smell alone of alcohol bothers me. I miss my husband ! He should be here !

 

I’m so sorry for the loss of your husband. It sucks that you’ve been thrust into a position you never asked for and the person you want and need by your side is gone. You’re expected to function as two people when you’re missing your other half like mad. It’s a lot and so unfair. Sending hugs. PS you have every right to be irritated and mad!!

 

Hi Everyone, hope you all don’t mind if I join in on these posts. I’ve read a few and it speaks to me. Everything everyone speaks of is exactly how I’m feeling also. You lose the love of your life and you have support that helps you for a couple weeks then everyone disappears. No one asks how are you and if they do and I’m honest, and say I’m having a rough time, then they change the subject or make me feel bad I’m still not good. I’ve had awful things said to me, I end up walking away crying. I suddenly lost my husband 11/17/18, he was healthy we had a regular day of chores and had picked up everything for our Thanksgiving feast. At 9:30 he said he wasn’t feeling well, at 11:34 I lost my husband to a massive heart attack. And life has sucked ever since. Nothing is the same nothing feels right, I miss him more each day. I keep thinking, it’s time for you to come home now. Please walk through the door. We did everything together. We owned a business together and worked side by side for 40 years. I have RA and he waited on me hand and foot, now I have trouble doing some things but I try to push through. But why? This is the most awful feeling to experience and go through and people who haven’t, just don’t understand. I understand that to a degree, but where is their compassion. It’s so rare that people show any care that when it does happen I cry. I’m not used to making decisions by myself and I don’t want to. Afraid sometimes I just things off, too painful.
I am so sorry for all the losses everyone is going through. My heart breaks for each and every one of you. I know what it feels like and it’s awful. The loneliness just makes things worse. However this site has been a lifesaver for me, people here are so caring. The holidays have made me feel so much worse, I want my normal life back, I want my soul mate back. I recently had another loss, my cousins son passed. I’m not terribly close to him but I’ve given him support, cause I know how this feels.
Thank you for listening, I’ve gone on long enough. My thoughts are with you all. ❤️

 

RLC I'm new to this forum and I've read many of your posts and you have responded to the few posts I've made. I don't know what its like to have been going through your grief for over a year, honestly it scares me that this overwhelming state we're in can still be so powerful after that much time, It's only been a little over a month for me and I can't imagine what a year or more will feel like. I just wanted you to know that you have helped me with your compassion and I suspect others feel the same, I wish for you that somehow or someway that you'll be able to find some sort of happiness in this new reality. It's obvious to me that things will never be all good again for any of us but we must hold out hope that there will be something better down this road, I'm sure my wife would have wanted that for me, my children and grandchildren and your husband would want the same for you. You are not alone.

 

Thank you!! Your post has brought me to tears. So caring, I need that. I do know I’ve responded to you in the past and you’ve replied. Happy to hear that something I may have said has been helpful to you. That makes me feel good inside. I know this pain too well. I need to try and say comforting words to let people know we all feel the same and they’re not alone in this new horrible life we’ve had rgrown at us. Helping people, helps me. So possibly selfish but I hope not. My husband and my brother have told me I’m too caring. Is that even possibles? I don’t think so.
Bogman, I am sorry if the fact that I’m still feeling the overwhelming grief for over a year feels scary, and I get that. I’ve read posts where people 3,4 years in are in a bad state and that scares me. I’m not strong enough for that to be a fact. I will share this, right now I’m not in as horrible a place as I was at one month in. At one month I felt paralyzed and barely did anything. I wasn’t eating wasn’t sleeping I was barely navigating. I didn’t drive because I wasn’t thinking clearly. I am eating now but I’ve lost a ton of weight, I don’t even recognize myself. Sleep is still troublesome. I do drive now and try to get out. So not as overbearing as one month is. But I have moments where I feel just like the one month feeling and it comes from no where. I believe things will never feel like we’re all used to but possibly we can strive for ok and go from there.
You are so right, your wife and my husband wouldn’t want us suffering so. Ron and I had talks about such things. He said if something happens to me please move on and don’t continue to cry over me. I’ll be in a better place and you need to enjoy the rest of your life. We said that to each other. But it’s not an easy thing to accomplish.
Thank you so much for your post, means a lot to me. Just having a bad time of it, tired of being alone and I’m in pain physically and emotionally right now. You’re only a month in, give yourself time and don’t push yourself. You’ve helped me today.

 

RLC so the silver lining in your post is you're in a less horrible state than a year ago, I guess that is something you / we / all of us need to hold onto, the fact that there is some progress even if it's subtle. Even though the dark times still come around often, there is at times some light showing through the cracks, sorry don't mean to sound cliche but thats the best I'm able to explain. When my Dad passed I was floored but over time my emotions turned from despair to remembering the good times and love. I can already see this loss is completely different, it's much much harder but I have to / need to believe that somehow over time I will be able to remember my sweetheart without the chocking feeling and tears and I'll have warm thoughts of the life we shared together, I wish this same to all of the people reading this. Dan

 

Yes Dan, that’s what I’m saying. There is some progress, I’d say subtle is a good choice of words, or tiny tiny bits of light come through here and there. I lost both my parents and my dad passed first, I didn’t think I could a single day without him. Yet with time, like you said, the memories of him brought a smile to my face. And yes, so very different from losing a spouse. Losing my dad was horrible, losing my husband, no words. Like I’ve lost my life as well. Sadly memories of my wonderful husband make me sadder, his favorite food, songs, movies take me to a very low place. Do you terribly miss getting texts from your wife? I miss that so much! He’d write me a loving poem out of no where. Thankfully I have them saved. But I have days no one calls out texts me, and I think wow, if I wasn’t at work with Ron we’d be texting constantly. A part of me feels guilt if I am able to remember without crying, but I think that’s all part of the process, I’m not ready. Every one mourns in their own way and time, others may take longer and some quicker, we’re all different and no judging. Dan I am so sorry for your loss, the fact that I know exactly how you feel makes me feel terrible for each and everyone on here.
I know my husband and everyone else’s spouses are watching over us and saying, what are you doing? Get out do something get fresh air, live your life, I know you love me it’s ok I love you too! But it’s so hard!

 

Yes the texts we shared are missed, I haven't been able to look back on past texts yet as I know it'll be too hard but I will in time. We WILL get past this feeling and by past I don't mean move on but be able to remember with warmth instead of breaking down. RLC thanks so much for sharing, you've made me realize I'm not alone and that helps !!

 

I listened to his old voice mails just now. I needed to hear his voice but the pain of my loss is unbearable

 

You’re welcome, my wish would be for none of to be going this torture, I’d love none of to know what this feels like, but sadly that’s not the case.
Looking back at the texts is so hard. I miss getting his texts, I miss texting him, our silly emojis we would send each. I miss it all.
Each of us has wonderful loving memories, but we can’t think of them because it just makes us miss them more. Sometime down the road those wonderful memories won’t feel awful.
You’re certainly not alone Dan

 

My heart breaks for you. So sorry for your loss. I know exactly how you feel, need to hear his voice. But hearing his voice hurts. One day at a time, don’t push yourself much. Take things slow. ❤️

 

Thank you. I needed that from someone who truly understands.

 

You’re very welcome! I hate that I know exactly how you feel, and I hate that you know how I feel. None of this is a good feeling we’re here for each other.

 

Yes we are all here for each other to help in any way we can.

 

Thank you all. In such an isolating existence, this group is so vital to me.

 

You’re right this is so terribly isolating. People have no way of knowing what this feels like unless they’ve experienced it. The support we each receive is pretty non existent, it makes me feel so frustrated. When I lost my husband, like everyone else, I had so much support. I was feeling like ok, life sucks but people are here for me. Nope, all support disappeared pretty fast. I also find if by some miracle anyone asks how I’m doing, they don’t want me to be honest. They want me to say I’m good. There’s no way to prepare yourself for all of this. And then while you’re suffering in pain and have no support, you have to make decisions alone. I miss my life, my happy life. As I know everyone on here does too.

 

I'm starting to see that people don't really want to hear the answer to " how are you doing " but I may have been guilty of this myself in the past without even realizing I was doing it. I guess it's something we have to go through alone, along with some help from people such as yourselves.