I can’t go on without my mom

My mom died ten weeks ago (five days before Christmas), and I don’t know how I’m going to get through the rest of my life without her. I was her caregiver for nine years and she was my best friend, and many days my only social contact. I have a history of suicidal depression, and in the past would always tell myself I couldn’t kill myself because it would hurt my mom too much. Now that safety net isn’t there anymore. She left without life insurance or a will, and there are substantial medical bills I can’t pay. I can’t even pay for utilities and food for a whole month, let alone my estate lawyer. I just don’t know what to do. I miss my mom so much it hurts.

 

I am so sorry for your loss. I lost my brother about a year ago and I don’t really think that there is such thing as “moving on”. I am sorry that you are going through such a difficult time financially. Though we don’t know each other, I care about you. I am glad that you found this online community. Please continue to seek any form of support or help. I keep trying different things. I know that not seeking support will really hurt me. I did counseling, I am now doing group therapy and today, I just found this website. Thank you for sharing your story with us.

 

Thank you for your kind response. I just started group therapy for grief and I hope it helps alleviate the sense of isolation I feel. I also have an individual therapist who has been a godsend.

 

Im so sorry for your loss. I can't imagine the loss you are experiencing after 9 years of caring for your mom. In 2016-2018 I did caregiving for my mom a few days a week, sometimes a week or two depending if she was being discharged from the hospital. I then did two solid months of 24/7 caregiving while she was on home hospice; my mom passed away in her home on 7/5/18. My mom and dad live 8o miles from me. Due to many travels to provide caregiving, I had financial hardship with my business and I had some issues with my marriage; I never shared this with my mom or my dad. I loved my mom tremendously and her absence on earth is large. My husband and I have been raising my nephew for the past year, my brother is homeless. Prior to this I have been living with panic disorder and depression, it all got more intense after my mom passed.
I do see a counselor about once a month. What I learned from a counselor involved with helping my nephew is that there are some coping skills that may have worked for me at one time but that doesn't mean they will always work for me. She suggested I explore other coming skills to help me get through the heightened issues of anxiety and depression.
I am glad you are able to get help in group therapy and individual counseling. It is hard to get support from immediate friends or family in my life...sometimes they don't understand the intensity of this loss or they don't have the same relationships with their mom as I did.
My heart goes out to you and please feel free to private message me if you want.
The continuous intensity of grief does dampen over time, though I continue to have days that are intense with grief. It is natural to lament...our society needs to allow for and respect this process more.
Pease and comfort to you.