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Lost the love of my life on July 28th 2018. I don't know how to cope with this loss.

Discussion in 'Loss of Spouse' started by Julie Brown, Aug 14, 2018.

  1. Julie Brown

    Julie Brown Active Member

    Catherine,
    The memorial went very well. It was sad but lots of family and friends were there. It was great seeing how many people Todd has touched one way or another. We didn't have any children either. Not by choice, it just never happened for us. There were a lot of pretty funny stories told about todd.he was one on a million, I miss him so much. Today is the 1 month Mark of his passing, so it was a rough one for me. I was gonna go back to work but I am just not ready for that yet.
    How do you get through each day?

     
  2. Julie Brown

    Julie Brown Active Member

    That's awesome you can talk about your husband with her. I am sure that helps you. That's what you need. I am happy for you.
     
  3. Julie Brown

    Julie Brown Active Member

    I am trying to get through each day. Today is espically hard as it would have been Todds 53rd birthday.
     
  4. Julie Brown

    Julie Brown Active Member

     
  5. Denni1313

    Denni1313 New Member

     
  6. Denni1313

    Denni1313 New Member

    I believe that was a sign with the fly. I had a friend who said one week before he died "when I die I'm going to lasso a hummingbird and I'm going to fly around and get my business done". One week later to the day he passed away they buried him the following Friday because he had relatives that lived out of town that had to come in. Sunday morning I was sitting outside drinking a cup of coffee and lo and behold a hummingbird came out of nowhere and flew right at me then flew away. I think he was letting me know that he was on that hummingbird and in the process of getting his business done. His name was dr. James Faugher and he was my best friend in the whole world. I miss him so much and ever since his death 10 years ago when I need him the most he flies down on a hummingbird and I get to see him for a brief second before he flies away. So the next time you see a fly don't do anything to it just say I love you. You never know one of them maybe your husband.
     
    Michele Wood and Julie Brown like this.
  7. Julie Brown

    Julie Brown Active Member

    Laurin,
    How are you doing? I hope better. I am getting ready to head to MN for the memorial.

    QUOTE="Jeff123, post: 2869, member: 5739"]I am sorry for your loss, I lost my wife in seconds I dont know what to tell you? I live one day at a time![/QUOTE]

     
  8. Rednecks Wife

    Rednecks Wife Member

    I’m so very sorry for your loss. There are so many ways of loss. Yours was sudden. Mine was to watch the love of my life die a slow painful death. I watched him change from once a strong man to a weak withered man that couldn’t get himself out of bed. I’ve been grieving from the time he got sick May 9th, 2016 to his death July 25th, 2018. My heart is soooo broken and my soul is so empty. I’ve lost all my family. We lost our fur babies 2014 and 2017. I miss them every second of every day. I try so hard to move on. But it’s so tough. So many things I need to do still. I know I need to do them. Some days I do..but out of the blue it may just be seeing an item of his..a song..or a thought passing through my mind. And then have a melt down. So very lonely without my family.
     
  9. Julie Brown

    Julie Brown Active Member

    I am sorry that you had to watch your loved one go through what he had to. I am sure it was very hard for you. It doesn't matter if you know its coming or if it is sudden...it all ends up the same way...alone, empty, heart broken. I never would have imagined it was going to be so hard. And for you to lose your fur babies also, my heart hurts for you. I don't have any family out here in WA (other than 2 of my sister in laws, but they are on the other side of the mountain, so they are not close). Todd and I always wanted children, but it never happened for us. My brother keeps trying to get me to move back to MN, but Todd and I both said that we could never move back there. There just isn't anything there. I am flying back to MN on this Thursday as Saturday the 29th we are having a memorial for the family and friends that couldn't make it out here for the memorial in August. I am not looking forward to it. I just don't want to go through this again. but after Saturday...it will be over. My neighbor lost 2 husbands and she brought me over a journal and some pens and told me to write things down that made me happy on any given day when i went for a walk or whatever. Instead I have been writing Todd letters, getting things off my chest if I have a bad day (which seems to be quite natural these days). I know what you mean about hearing a song or a photo...as now and then it will set me off as well. My hardest time seems to be on my way to work and from work and actually a few times during the week at work I seem to have a meltdown. I just think about Todd and its so hard. He was my everything! I have been with him longer than I have been without! I basically go to work and come home and work on things needing to be done for the upcoming memorial. I still cant sleep through the night. Maybe you should consider getting another fur baby. I have a dog that we got, he will be 2 in November. He misses daddy also...he lays at the top of the stairs waiting for Todd to come home. He hears a harley and his ears perk up and I have to tell him "no, thats not your daddy". I just don't know how to deal with this. Its hard because no one i know has gone through anything like this. That is why I came to this website. It helps somewhat, at least people know what I am going through because they are going through the same thing. I hope you find some comfort with someone on this site. The people I have chatted with are very nice and have given me some comfort, if even for 5 minutes, it helps me a little. I just dont see any happy days in the future without my husband. I started having panic attacks a couple weeks ago, scared the heck out of me the 1st time it happened. When I wake up numerous times during the night I just feel empty yet another second/minute/hour/day.
     
  10. Michele Wood

    Michele Wood Well-Known Member

    Although our ages may be different by a decade or two and the circumstances of our loved one's deaths markedly dufferent, our current luves are the same: lost and aline and missing him very, very much. A book I am currently reading, It's ok if you're not ok," by Megan Devine points out grief is really love and what you're experiencung is the loss of that love. She is a therapist who experienced the loss of her partner in a drowning in 200o so she has it from both sides. Very poignant book. It has gelped me greatly. (My loved one is Robert who died 11 weeks ago of sudden cardiac arrest in my presence.)
     
  11. Julie Brown

    Julie Brown Active Member

    I am so sorry to hear that about Robert. I will definitely check out that book!
    Thank you so much!!
     
  12. Michele Wood

    Michele Wood Well-Known Member

    This book helps but I still have major grief and trauma from the way he died.

    My work is very close knit. We even have a Facebook page just for work related matters as well as personal FB pages. Many of the women have had longtime marriages and talk about them constantly. It just makes my grief and the feeling of being separated more pronounced, esp. as Robert is my second partner to die. The first, John, killed himself in 2000 after a lifetime of depression and substance abuse. None of these women have as k ed me how I am doing, though I discuss it on our FB p a ges. The ones who do listen patiently don't put themselves and their husbands all over social media.
     
  13. Michele Wood

    Michele Wood Well-Known Member

    This book helps but I still have major grief and trauma from the way he died.

    My work is very close knit. We even have a Facebook page just for work related matters as well as personal FB pages. Many of the women have had longtime marriages and talk about them constantly. It just makes my grief and the feeling of being separated more pronounced, esp. as Robert is my second partner to die. The first, John, killed himself in 2000 after a lifetime of depression and substance abuse. None of these women have as k ed me how I am doing, though I discuss it on our FB p a ges. The ones who do listen patiently don't put themselves and their husbands all over social media.
     
  14. Rednecks Wife

    Rednecks Wife Member

    We all have one thing in common. We are going through the toughest time of our lives. My soul mate was my 3rd stage of my life. And to be what I knew to be the last stage of my life. The life I had always wanted but thought never existed after two flopped relationships. And then it got stolen from me!! So here I am at 67 having to start another stage of life. I hate my life!!! Signed up for a group session September 30. See how that fly’s. I need to do something..because sometimes I really feel like i’m Loosing control. It’s getting harder instead of easier. I don’t have a clue on what could ever give me a life worth wanting. As for the loss of all my fur babies and do have a cat who I named Missy. She came to me about 4-5 weeks after we lost our old guy Hammie of 17yrs. He was my buddy. We put on a lot of walking miles through the yrs. That’s what helped him live a long healthy life. Stayed at the same weight all his life. Well you can see two of my favourite loves. Missy came meowing when I was in the garage getting dinner ready for the stray cats and my wild critters(raccoons/possum/dear/fox). It was late January or early February. It was still cold. She was cold. Make a long story short. She became the new member of the family. I think Hammie sent her to me because he could see how hard loosing him was for me. So it’s just Missy and myself. I’m haven’t been a real religious kind of person. But when my love got sick, I started talking. I was asking questions. I’m willing to be open to anything that can convince me that there was purpose for my world to be taken away from me.
     
  15. Julie Brown

    Julie Brown Active Member

    I am so sorry you are going through what you are. It was almost as if I was reading something I wrote to someone. That is exactly how I feel. And no, its not getting any easier. I leave tomorrow for MN. I will try and keep in touch while I am there. Maybe together we can find some answers?
     
    Rednecks Wife likes this.
  16. Michele Wood

    Michele Wood Well-Known Member

    Right after my first partner died, I went to a grief support group in Sacramento. An older woman had just lost her third husband; all had died on her. I had the strong impression after grieving for No 3 that she would be looking for No 4.

    In my case I just lost my second partner to death as well. I dearly loved Robert and I had a great life with him. However, at 58 I am not ready to give up on love. He taught me much about love and I want to expe 20180821_234048(2).jpeg rience that again. But I will never stop loving him. He was my soulmate. I also loved my first p a rtner, John, though he was deeply troubled and killed himself at age 52 when I was 40.
     
  17. Michele Wood

    Michele Wood Well-Known Member

    T he above picture is my love , Robert, around age 2-3. He was born in Delaware, OK of a Delaware mom and Osage/Irish father. His was a beautiful soul
     
  18. Michele Wood

    Michele Wood Well-Known Member

    The man in the plaid shirt is Robert at age 55. It was taken at a minor league baseball game in West Sacramento in 2012. He was not into picture taking as an adult. I had to be surreptitious. He was so intent on the game and eating his popcorn that he never noticed me taking his pic. His beautiful, starlike eyes are looking so serious. I adored him My favorite picture of Robert.jpg
     
  19. Rednecks Wife

    Rednecks Wife Member

    I feel for you..having to go through another service. It would tare me up if i had to do it again. You will be in my thoughts. And hopefully we will pull through with some kind of purpose.
     
  20. Rednecks Wife

    Rednecks Wife Member

    Michele. Good to see you aren’t giving up on love. And I wish you the very best in what lies ahead for you. In my case..I had found my soul mate/love of my life/the keeper of my heart and soul. There well never be another love in my live. There is only one soul mate in a life time. And I had him. My heart and soul will always belong to him.