My One True Love is gone

I lost my husband back in October of 2016 to a massive heart attack and died in my arms. I can't move on. It's still like yesterday.The pain is so intense. He was my whole world, my strength, my one true love. I feel as if my soul went with him.I struggle through each day and its not getting any easier.How do I get to the point where I'm strong enough to move on and except this? Every dream we had together is gone and I'm stuck.Im just existing.

 

I TOTALLY UNDERSTAND, I had the exact same loss..I am so sorry My love also took his last breath in my arms as I did CPR on him for 11 minutes till EMT's got here, but he couldn't hold on Next month will be 2 years and I still have flashbacks of the horrible night. I had to sell my house and move because I couldn't stay in our bed/bedroom. All my/our "friends" except my best friend vanished, back to their own lives right after the service along with our kids & grandkids..so it's just me and our dog!! It does get easier to live with, with time..But the pain and loneliness DOES NOT go away!☹☹ I'm trying to find my purpose in life now, I've been the caregiver for everyone for so long(took care of both my elderly parents and also lost them both this last year & a half) that now I don't have anyone to care for, don't know where I fit in Just have to keep putting one foot in front of the other! Hugs and prayers to you, KEEP on moving forward!

 

Im so sorry for your loss as well. I feel exactly the same way with not knowing my place. My children are all grown and have lives of their own. Two of them love with me ,but Im still alone if you know what I mean? I also have flashbacks of that horrible day and go over it in my mind of how I could have done something else or handled it differently like did I say e everything I needed to say or did he hear me.We had a love that is very rare are souls were comnected as one and I feel dead inside. The hardest part of this all is trying to hide all of this pain from everyone. When someone asks me if Im ok, well what am I suppose to say? No, I'm not. My brother lost his wife a year ago and was able to find someone. I just cried my eyes out and said I just can't. How will I ever love another. It's not possible.

 

I know the feeling lose my partner of five years. He gotten sick and did not want to see a doctor. At the emergency room they could not take his blood pressure because it was so high and they did a lot tests and it show he had stage 4 cancer
He was so sick that he only live about a month a half.
All I could remember the day when he died his hat was face down on the bathroom with blood. My bathroom look like a crime murder scene.
So I know what it feels like to lose someone and the loneliness that's in the night when you turn around to look for your partner when he's not there. It's only been about a year now a year now and I still miss him so much and I wish you was a alive.
So to those who lose a loved one I feel your pain and loss.

 

Hi all, I just lost my love, my friend, my everything . He died in my house by my side at Christmas Eve 2017 after a short battle with cancer. I am suffering so much. I feel like my world stopped. I can't stop thinking about him. He is in my mind 24/7. I feel a pain in my chest like I will explode. The only time I feel better is when I visit his grave. What do I do? I am writing and crying and it is my life now. Unfortunately we didn't have children, I am 46 and saw my dreams come to an end. Please tell me how to deal with it?

 

I totally understand. I lost my husband in April 2016.
Not sure how to go on without him.
He was my missing piece!
My children are grown and I find myself telling them all is well since I think that's what they want to hear. Inside I am screaming nothing will be alright again.
Trying to figure out how to go on. I could uses advice.

 

I lost my husband less than a month ago. It was sudden and unexpected. He died in our bedroom. I am now raising two teen girls on my own with no father to help. It feels unreal and unfair.

 

I am in the same boat with all of you. I want to reach out to each of you and share mutual hugs. My husband died in a car accident. Like Debbie it is now just me and my dog. she was a puppy we'd only had about 4 months before the accident. And she was basically my only reason to get up in the mornings. Pretty much that is still the case 8 months later. Like Lynn we had dreams of the future which are all gone and while I don't usually say it, when I'm asked how I am the answer I always think is I'm existing. Like Linda H I too am screaming inside, nothing will be ok ever. We had recently been reminding each other about our history. Remembering events with our kids and dogs and cats. We would both remember different things, and now I have only my memories. I can't ask him if he remembers things and I wonder what I'm forgetting.

This is a nice place to share thoughts and feelings. It seems to help a little knowing others are having similar feelings and I'm not totally alone in my experience.

 

Hello everyone, I lost my husband to throat cancer in May 2016. He was my everything, my compass, my friend. We planned our lives together of traveling after retirement and taking care of our elderly parents. The children have all grown up, and our parents are gone. Our quick marriage of 16 years is only a happy, but also a very sad memory. All our friends have gone to their own families, and general routines. I feel, so lost. I have lost all desire to get out of bed, and to work through life is a chore. I too am putting on a happy face when people ask how I'm doing, I just reply "I'm doing". I feel better to know that I'm not the only one going through this horrible chapter in our lives, and I am hoping for a new normal, which I feel will never come, since I was happy once.

 

Hello Charla,
I am so very sorry for your loss. I do so understand how you feel and wish I had other words that could bring comfort. I've heard those same words so many times and I know they are meant sincerely but it doesn't help. I wish I knew how to respond to others. Last week I was asked if I was looking forward to summer. I said no and they commented don't like the heat? I said no, I just don't look forward to anything. I've so come to hating the question "How are you?" Often I just say I'm still here. Privately I think, I exist. That's how I feel. I just exist. I'm not much of a "group" joiner, and live in a small town with few opportunities to connect with people. So I search online to find others to connect with who do understand what I'm going through. I did find a book on audible "it's ok that you're not ok" which has helped me a little. I have learned and come to accept that this will be a long hard journey.

 

Hello Carolyn:
I'm sorry for your lost, I understand how hard it has been for you. I too would ask my husband about different events and things, & now that he is gone, I find myself forgetting all together of some of the times we spent together. I wish we had more time, but that's the million dollar question, that will have no answer. I too live in a small town, and yet there are a few women that are widows here, they all have jobs and family close bye. My son and his wife live in another state and I don't get to see them except for twice a year. I do like to watch TV and read. I have 3 cats that keep me holding on too reality. I have read several books on the subject. The one that I am reading now is called "Surviving Grief". I want to move forward with all my heart, but I can't stop thinking. This has been one of the hardest things I have ever gone through in life. At times when I'm at peace, I automatically turn to my husband to talk to him, and then realize that he is gone. I must of said a trillion times, I Miss You, and that unanswered question....Why.

 

I still find myself wanting to rush home to give my love the news I just heard.
Or rushing to his favorite room to tell him something I know he would enjoy.
He has been gone two years.
I have found for me at least it helps that I have started a journal.
Some days when I am angry of the way he left I express that.
Other times I just talk as if he was here.
When I first started it I was writing every day. Now I find I might not write for a couple of weeks.
For me its just a good way of getting some thoughts out of my mind.

 

We used to eat out a lot and would always be looking for a new place to try. Often a small place nearby has changed hands and I immediately think we need to try it out. I often complained that we ate out to much and wanted to eat at home more. Now I only eat at home and always alone.
I tried the Journal thing for a bit, but I'm not much of a writer. Writing here is not easy for me but it is good to share a few thoughts where I know others understand.

 

I totally get what your are saying Carolyn. Keeping a journal is not for everyone.
Its rough when we can not share our news with our loved one.

 

I agree this is a great site to share our thoughts and to contact with other's who get what we are feeling.

 

Sorry to hear that it doesn't get much easier does it? I just feel like i'm existing for others. I honestly don't want to be here but i know it would hurt people if i died. So i'm just existing too. And it hasn't been that long since she passed(my fiance) but i doubt that is going to change. It will probably just get worse. I hope not. Hope something happens for you so you're not just "existing"