February 8 2018 I lost my Dad....

Hi my name is Morgan and I would like to talk to someone that knows how I am feeling about the loss of my Dad...

 

Me and my family are having a real hard time with the loss of our dad... It all started when my dad was falling alot so he ending up going into a nursing/rehabilitation center... While my dad was there he ended up getting pneumonia and it's the type where if you don't move a lot it sets in... Well late at night I received a call from the center where he was at the lady on the phone proceeded to tell me we are sending your father to the hospital... So I got ahold of everyone and we all went over to see what was going on... They said your father's breathing is very bad and as soon as we take him off the machine that puts air in him his O2 stats drop bad... Not knowing what really was going on until later... He was admitted into the hospital where they could keep a close eye on him until they could get him stable... My dad had called me when he was feeling a little better and he told me in tears he didn't know how much longer he could hang on and then was telling me how much he loved me and I lost it I started to cry with him... We both decided to get ahold of hospice and get they involved with this and the only reason was it was for pain management... So we got him in with them I had my dad living with me for five days and it was so bad I couldn't do it anymore... I broke down and called hospice and told them that I couldn't do it anymore he need more pain meds than I could give without getting into trouble... Hospice came that very night and was so helpful they got my dad transferred into a place called Highland Cottage the next morning... So it was a Sunday that my dad arrived at said place so of course we had no clue really what was going on until the doctor showed up on Monday evening... So I was talking to the doctor and said why is he doing these really strange thing like he was laying in bed at my house using his thumb and other fingers like he was counting we I asked him what he was doing he told me I am counting flies so I told that to the doctor.... Well the doctor looked at his charts and then myself and my brother and everyone that was with us had a bomb hit us right in the chest with what the doctor had to say next we were not prepared for this heart breaking news she stood there and said that your father is in end stage emphysema!!!! Then with a dumb look on our faces I then asked what does that mean what's happening with my dad? She then proceeded to tell us that our dad was going to pass away and tears started falling down from all of our eyes... So then with that said with no knowledge of how bad our dad was I asked the worst question ever how long does he have? She looked at us with sorrow in her eyes and said it could be from now to a week!!! Never leaving my dads side other than to do the normal we watched him slip away there were so many heart breaking moments we went through we were watching him die and it was the worst thing ever... We were getting ready to get some rest for the night we were getting ready to step outside for are last smoke of the night I of course forgot something went back into retrieve my phone and when I turned around I looked at my dad and began to freak out trying to get everyone back in there I watched my dad take his last two breaths and he was gone... I really am having a hard time with this...

 

Hi Morgan, I lost my dad as well back in February 2018 and been having a very difficult time with it all. The loss is palpable. I think what is worrying me most and since I am new to this type of grief, is that I will remain like this forever. I don't want to be so I keep going back and forth with the grieving process itself. Everyone says it takes time. I completely understand this, but I've never felt so alone in my life. Unfortunately, my entire family lives out of state and I am alone in this.

I am sorry to hear of your story and I understand what you are feeling. From the sounds of your story, it's pure trauma. I think this add to the grief. Someone told me (who has experience in grief counseling) remove the story line from your grief. Or at least try. Just stick to the grief alone. I don't know, that's what they told me. I hope you are doing slightly better????

 

Morgan, I found my sweet mother collapsed in the bathroom the morning on March 26. I called the paramedics and they took her to the hospital where the doctor attempted to perform a cardiac cath procedure for a heart attack. He wasn't able to remove the blockage, and she passed away the next afternoon. I was not expecting her to live forever, but I sure wasn't prepared to lose her so suddenly. And Marcella, I know what you mean when you say the grief is palpable. Both of you take care.

 

Hi Slinoles, I am very sorry to hear about your mother's passing. This has been the hardest thing I've ever been through in my life. They say it gets easier, although you never forget them and the missing will always continue, but I guess right now, it doesn't feel like it's going to better. Trying to stay positive. I am sure for you this is extremely difficult, especially since you found your mother. They (being grief counselors etc) say to take good care of yourself during this time, I hope you are doing that. Thanks for your post and sharing your story.

 

Hi, I lost my dad in January 2018. I feel like I am in a bubble. As if my father's passing has distinctly separated me from the rest of the world.

 

Hello everyone. I sympathize with all of us who have lost a loved one. On January 6, 2018, my beautiful and healthy mother suffered a massive stroke. My daughter found her and called me in to her bedroom. I had my daughter immediately phone 911. The Paramedics transported her to the hospital. The Doctor called us in about 2 hours after arriving at the hospital and told us that he had administered several tests and that she was not responsive to any of the tests. He looked at me along with the support nurse and told me that if it were his mother he would take her home and call in Hospice. I was scared. My mom hadn't left any instructions for her care so I was making decisions based on what I felt she would approve of. The next day the ambulance brought her home after the support nurse made arrangements for a hospital bed, etc. to be delivered to our home. My mother survived 10 days. During that time my children carried me through the heartache of knowing that I was going to lose my mom. It was like a waiting game and I didn't want the game to be over because I knew the end result.
I had a huge memorial on Feb. 24, and I know that my mother would of had such a good time. So many family members & friends came over to celebrate her life. I got to say goodbye to my mom and forever is how long I'll wonder if she heard me. I miss her every minute of everyday. The pain that circles around my mind and body is something of another. I've been through a lot in my life but losing my mom really takes the prize for pain. I miss my mommy and I wasn't nearly ready for her leave me.

 

Hi Diva,
I am so sorry that you lost your dear mother. A sudden death like she had really didn't prepare you for losing her so quickly after the stroke. What a wonderful thing for you to honor her with a memorial. We had the same thing for my dear husband. I was so numb that I could not function very well and our two adult children took care of everything including contacting the funeral home, picking out a casket and planning the memorial. I don't know what I would have done without them. It's been six months since his passing and I am just now feeling the impact of his being gone for good. My heart still aches. But going to a grief support group, talking to good friends who acknowledge my grief and finding this on-line support has been helpful. I also have been watching talks about grief on U-Tube. Do you access to this? Mostly the advice is to FEEL the grief, give yourself all the time you need to heal, Find support if you can and take good care of you.

 

Hi Morgan and everyone else that has lost someone that was a huge part of them. I lost my Dad in 2014 to advanced cancer and it was just such a traumatic thing to go through. My Dad was almost 86 yrs old and for the longest time, he always said he would live to be 100. It seemed for a long time like he could, as he had been fairly healthy prior to the cancer. When Dad was diagnosed with cancer, it was at an advanced stage and he tried Chemotherapy, but he was much to ill to even tolerate it. So, soon after that, he went into home hospice and passed about 3 weeks after that. I never wanted to lose such a wonderful person and he was definitely a rare, beautiful soul, very unselfish and caring. He was my best friend and I've lost part of myself with him.

 

Hi Morgan,

I am new to this site, but I can totally relate to what you are going through. I lost my Dad this past June from cancer. We was diagnosed 20 months earlier with Prostate cancer that had spread to his bones. He went through chemo and handled it like a champ. There some rough days at the end of chemo but he really handled it so well. He bounced back from it and was doing so great. The doctors were managing it and he was working hard to take care of himself. Unfortunately, in January of this year he started to go down hill and they found cancer in the brain. They did radiation, but the cancer continued to travel and was in his nervous system. From January to June was a series of hospital visits and him going downhill. In June, hospice came in and less than a week later he passed away. Watching him take his last breaths were the hardest thing I have ever experienced. To this day I continue to have visions of it at night and struggle with sleep. This is the hardest thing I have ever gone through. My grief is so deep but I am also so worried about my Mom as well.

I have wonderful friends and family, but they haven't been through it. I am hoping the people on here can help.

 

Hi Morgan,
I sympathize so much with you. I and our 2 children were with my husband, their father when he took his last breath. He really struggled for the last 40 hours, with breathing. At times it would be almost a minute between breaths. I do have flashbacks about that time and as the first anniversary of his death, Dec. 12th, draws near I am feeling down.
I cope by doing what I can every day. I live alone now and that's hard. But I try to make contact with someone by phone, text or in person at least once a day. I am on an antidepressant which helps. I am sleeping well with the help of Tylanol PM and 2 5g mellatonin just before bedtime. I make sure I get good nutrition and cook well balanced meals every day with fruits, veggies, meat and whole wheat bread.
I try to be as helpful as I can and take my older sister out at least twice a week. She has dementia and can no longer drive.
I keep in close contact with our grown children by text and email. I have a grandchild who I support with lots of positive texts. She is 18 and trying to find her way.
I pray every morning, "God! Please help me get through this day the best way that I can."
We were married 46 wonderful years and I miss him terribly but I am trying to find purpose and trust with the help of God.
Good luck. Take good care of you and hang on.