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Loss of my son due to an overdose

Discussion in 'Loss from Substance Abuse' started by Johnny's mom, Aug 21, 2020.

  1. Johnny's mom

    Johnny's mom New Member

    I lost my 30 year old son to an overdose. He had been battling his opioid addiction for a few years. He had been clean for over a year. He lived with me, and I could see how hard he was trying to better himself. He started following all the rules of our society. He was on parole and was doing everything right. He was working out, taking classes, cooking, smiling, talking to me, whitening his teeth, and planning for a future. Not exactly sure what the trigger was. He knew there would be a lot of consequences for a failed drug test; prison. I found him Dead in the bathroom in the middle of the night.
     
    MadamMo likes this.
  2. Chrisian

    Chrisian Member

    There are way too many of us out here whose sons and daughters have died from this disgusting opioid addiction. I lost my son before he died ! He became someone else. From a funny, brilliant healthy boy to a sad, kidnapped stranger. It was clear to me that death was a real prospect. What a horrible way t live
     
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  3. Pamlee125

    Pamlee125 New Member

    I am so sorry for your loss. I lost my only child to a substance overdose June 2019. It seems like yesterday sometimes. I found my son in his apartment lying deceased on the floor. I was by myself except for police waiting out in hall. Our son did not let us know about his problem until 2 wks prior to his death. He knew we would do anything to help. I am doing better in my grieving process but life will never be the same. He was a kind and loving young man who would help anyone. Blessings to you for strength and healing.
     
    MadamMo likes this.
  4. Chrisian

    Chrisian Member

    Pamlee125, I have thought about the type of people who get caught in the opioid addictions. They all seem to be quiet and sincere people, unable to voice their pain, they help others, they hold their pain in and are only relieved by the opioid. My son told me that in the beginning of his addiction it was heroin that provided relief from the grief of his murdered older brother; and later it just became an addiction.
     
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  5. Chrisian

    Chrisian Member

    I'm getting really sick and tired of living my days with this miserable invasion of my thoughts. Happiness is foreign to me now, people hardly ever call anymore. I used to love life and appreciate all it's gifts. Now in stuck in the flatline....
    What a drag...
     
    MadamMo likes this.
  6. mybeautyki

    mybeautyki Member

    Hi , I loss my son to an overdose a month ago. And with the pandemic he spiraled out of control. I miss him all day he was 24 and o had to identify him at his friends house. I am sorry for all of your losses.
     
    MadamMo likes this.
  7. Chrisian

    Chrisian Member

    It's a heavy burden to carry with you. I'm so sorry to hear it. It's been 7 month's for me and I have not found any peace yet. Being with other people helps ease the pain for me. It's not good to be alone. Your mind will fill you with sorrow , keeping busy is a diversion that can help if you can manage that.... All these young adults are dying; I wish I could help....S
     
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  8. mybeautyki

    mybeautyki Member

    Thank you so much , today I woke up in tears. the day is heavy for me. I want to stay busy however I can not focus on anything right now.
     
    MadamMo likes this.
  9. Chris M 2000

    Chris M 2000 Well-Known Member

    So sorry for your loss. Lost our son at age 28. May God grant you strength, comfort, and healing.
     
    MadamMo likes this.
  10. Dmay83

    Dmay83 New Member

    Hi Christian, I know how you feel. Constantly being bombarded with thoughts is so exhausting. I send you good vibes =)
     
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  11. AnnaM

    AnnaM Member

    My son isn't dead yet. He's just psychotic and vile, pure evil. He's using drugs. I think it'd be better if he were dead. He calls us every terrible name and tries to upset and hurt us however he can. He says he's going to kill us. But he's homeless, no job, miserable. He told us he's going to steal, sell drugs, beg, and sell his body because we won't send him money. We're in the club of "don't ask us about our kids." It's hard to do anything at all.
     
    MadamMo likes this.
  12. Chrisian

    Chrisian Member

    Your son is only recognizable from his outer shell and the sound of his voice. Inside he is not your son as you knew him. The drug has rewired his brain. You think he is the same person with a drug problem but he has become someone else. Only long term rehab (a year or longer) will show a glimpse of your once beautiful boy. It is no ones fault, it is a biological change that only time without drugs can heal. I dont know what to say except that there were times I wanted to chain my son in the basement for years untill he became his real self. He is gone now and I am too, except I'm still breathing...Scott
     
  13. MadamMo

    MadamMo New Member

    Me too.

    This is my first post in this forum. My only child, 23 year old son, died of fentanyl in July, alone in his apartment. I am soooo angry at him, sooo angry. And yet, I am gripped with anxiety and longing for the person he used to be. I can’t stop wondering why I didn’t do this or that, why did I avoid context with him when it became unbearable....if only I had tried one more thing. It might have been the thing that turned him around, just maybe. I feel like a loser parent and I’m so mad and so devastated. I just don’t know how I am going to live with this....and without him.

    How could he have done this? How??
     
  14. AnnaM

    AnnaM Member

    Scott, I wanted you to know that your response changed my life. When you said that he was not my son as I knew him and that drugs had rewired his brain, I knew that was right. Your saying that flipped a switch in my head and I realized for the first time that instead of just viewing it as mental illness and an unknown quantity of drug use, that we needed to approach it as a drug abuse issue. We found a 12-step recovery group for families over a month ago and it has made all the difference for us, in keeping our own sanity and making better choices for ourselves and for him. I am happier today than I have been in years because of the support of the recovery group. Just know that you were instrumental in it. We may or may not see him get into recovery, but we are learning how to improve our odds and how to reclaim our own lives either way. I'm so sorry that your son is gone. Prayers for you and warm thanks to you for your nudge in a better direction. I really appreciate it.
     
    Taiga likes this.
  15. Chris M 2000

    Chris M 2000 Well-Known Member

    Anna, I am so happy you have found some help. Maybe that is what we need to do. How did you locate a 12-step recovery group for families? Is your son going with you? Thanks. Chris
     
    Taiga likes this.
  16. AnnaM

    AnnaM Member

    I’m grateful to you, Chris. I have found the recovery group to have magic as they are all going through similar situations. And combined with the guidance of the counselors, who have experience & training—it’s been such a comfort.
    i find they have refined their format so that it works well. I can focus on what helps instead of what doesn’t & stay on track to better coping. A friend told me about the recovery group, which they had been part of for their son’s substance abuse. I have another friend who was part of a grief group after the death of a loved one & she said it was extremely helpful & brought personal growth. I think we all need a lot of support wherever we can find it going through such terrible situations. Your loss is so devastating. we all need each other to get through it & find some healing & go on living.
     
    Taiga likes this.
  17. Chris M 2000

    Chris M 2000 Well-Known Member

    I am so glad to hear from you, Anna, and that the group has been a good support to you. Do some of these groups have parents who come without their son or daughter.
     
    Taiga likes this.
  18. AnnaM

    AnnaM Member

    I'm sorry I didn't answer some of what you asked. Our son is still missing in another state and is not at all in recovery or attending with us. He's homeless & psychotic. A good number of the families in the group, like us, are dealing now with a child who is currently abusing drugs. Some have a child in recovery. Some have been in the group many years and continue to work on their own "recovery": dealing with the situation, even if their child is in recovery. It's a mix. There are groups for young people in recovery from drug abuse, groups for adults, and groups for family members. The groups meet separately.
     
    Taiga likes this.
  19. AnnaM

    AnnaM Member

    You are welcome to visit our group. It's all online and they welcome anybody from anywhere. Just the initial phone conversation with the counselor was huge for me. Having someone guide you in what to do to get better can be so helpful. You contact them, they call you and have a conversation, and if you want, you can visit one of the Mon-Thurs p.m. 7:30-8:30 p.m. CT online group meetings, or the Saturday 10:30 a.m. -noon 12-step course. I was surprised that I was expected to do a 12-step, but it's been fantastic for me. I believe anyone who has a child (or adult child) using drugs can benefit hugely from such a program. You learn how to keep going and grow personally and feel better plus what is useful or not in dealing with the loved one in hopes of their finding recovery for themselves. I just wish we'd gone to one 14 years ago when all this started.
     
    Taiga likes this.
  20. Chris M 2000

    Chris M 2000 Well-Known Member

    Hello, MadamMo
    I am most sorry to hear of the tragic loss of your young son. I kept blaming myself and others, thinking "if only I had done this, if only they had done that". After a while I realized it was my feeble attempt to change the situation and bring him back. We are stuck in a situation we wouldn't have chosen and unfortunately there is no way to change it. I was really bad for quite awhile after losing Shawn. I couldn't function normally. I had to think even how to make a grilled cheese sandwich. I kept praying for God to come get me, but one day I had taken a pill the dentist gave me which made me very groggy on the way home. I had planned to stop and rest at a certain place before driving all the way back to work, but road work was being done so I couldn't get there. I decided to go on to work. I fell asleep and when I awoke I was headed for a tree. I had just enough time to jerk the steering wheel so that the back end of the car hit the tree instead of the front end. That day I realized God was going to have me stay here and I wasn't going to be able to escape the torment of grief. I didn't think I could go one more day, but I just kept waiting for God to help me, and eventually He did (although He had been helping me just to go on all along).
    Like you, I wondered why I was here, when Shawn was gone. We were very close and spent a lot of time together, so it left a really big void in my life and heart. I didn't know how I was going to go on without him, either,
    I have had a lot of time between me and that dreadful day of losing my son. I am doing well, so I know God was right when He said he wouldn't allow more on us that we can bear.
    I want to encourage you to go on and make a life for yourself that will give you some peace. May God bless you.
     
    Taiga likes this.