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This grief is going to kill me

Discussion in 'Coping After a Sudden Loss' started by RNgirl, Sep 6, 2020.

  1. LouiseP57

    LouiseP57 Well-Known Member

    I am sending you a big old hug across the miles. I'm glad you have a companion! They are so much joy especially now. Sweet dreams and thank you for dropping me this lovely note
     
  2. JMD

    JMD Well-Known Member

     

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  3. JMD

    JMD Well-Known Member

    Another blue weekend I’m afraid. Days like this I have no idea how I’ve lived 12 weeks without my love, and really no idea how I’m going to continue. This grief takes so much effort and feels like a full time job. I am just not in the mood to do anything. Skipped garden club meeting this morning. Cleaned house a bit, changed linens, did eat breakfast and lunch. Walked dog. Just so very alone. Have been crying a lot these days. I have a facial scheduled for this afternoon so that should help and be relaxing. I often feel like I am trying to fill up time - nothing is meaningful yet unless it is somehow connected to him. Just a bunch of tasks put together. Keep going - one foot in front of the other today. Praying for peace.
     
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  4. HW2927

    HW2927 Member

    JMD sending you a hug. One foot in front of the other is all you can do right now - do the next thing - that’s what I keep telling myself. Vacuum, walk the dog, drink water...exist in an altered reality not of our choosing. My husband passed away Aug. 18th and I am lost without him. Peace to you and know people care.
     
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  5. JMD

    JMD Well-Known Member

    Th
    Thanks for this post and the hug. I went to get coffee this morning and found myself sobbing so hard on the way home. The days are so unpredictable and the sadness is so deep. I am sorry for the loss of your husband, your grief is also very new. I miss my husband and the stability of our simple little life and love so much. I know how it feels to get up in the morning and have no direction for the day, just lost. I have my list of ‘next things’. The problem is, when I’m done with my next thing, Michael is still not here. He would not want me to be this sad and upset all of the time, I just don’t have another way to be right now. I am so grateful for the deep bond we shared. Praying for peace and calm for all of us.
     
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  6. HW2927

    HW2927 Member

    You are expressing the love you have for Michael by being grateful for the bond you shared - I think that is a beautiful thing to focus on while trying to deal with all the sorrow. The loneliness and overwhelming sadness - just missing the person you love - it truly is heartbreaking. Prayers for you too.
     
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  7. LouiseP57

    LouiseP57 Well-Known Member

    I was away from the group for a few days and was thinking of you all. I can honestly say the medication the doctor has prescribed is helping me refocus on tasks that I have to accomplish a little better. I can make it through the day pretty well now but the nights are still a bit rough. If I'm able to go to sleep, I wake up and look at his side of the bed and I get a lump in my throat and the water starts to fall. I try to keep it quiet because my son is in the next room and has to get up early. Most nights I just want to scream. My sister suggested I drive somewhere remote and pull off the highway and scream and holler and cry until I'm tired. Doesn't sound like a bad idea right about now.

    I have missed you ladies and lift you up on prayers nightly. Sending hugs and prayers for comfort for our souls from the Carolina coast
     
  8. LouiseP57

    LouiseP57 Well-Known Member

    Well said. People do care. I am sorry for your loss. It is so recent. I will add you to my nightly prayers for some small measure of comfort. Sending you a hug from the Carolinas
     
  9. LouiseP57

    LouiseP57 Well-Known Member

    Hope
    Hope that you are well and know that you have been on my mind. Sending hugs from the Carolinas
     
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  10. LouiseP57

    LouiseP57 Well-Known Member

    Checking in on you. Haven't seen a post from you in a few days. I hope you are well. Please let me know how you are doing. Sending you a hug from the Carolinas.
     
  11. ainie

    ainie Well-Known Member

    Thank you for caring. I'm wallowing a bit...but OK. The actual anniversary on the 11th seemed not too awful but in the days since I'm back to crying and just wishing I didn't have to search for more strength. Hoping a widowed friend of mine is wrong. When I made the comment "They say the first year is the worst" she replied "That's true except for the second year" Please God let her be wrong.
     
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  12. LouiseP57

    LouiseP57 Well-Known Member

    My best friend lost her husband January of 2019. She said the first year was bad because of all the "unknowns ". She said the loneliness was worse in year two. She just started dating and she said it was her way of handling the pain of being alone. I can't even think that far ahead but I am happy if she's happy. Today is one of those days I'm "in my feelings ". It won't take much to make me cry today so I've scheduled a massage for this afternoon to try to relax and relieve some of the inner tension.

    I wish you peace and comfort, my friend! Hugs from the Carolinas
     
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  13. HW2927

    HW2927 Member

    Gosh if the second year is worse - I won’t make it through. The pain and anguish are already unbearable. I like the idea of a massage just to pass some time not thinking and crying. I have never watched so much TV or read so many books (can’t remember any of it) because the nights are so bad. Prayers for all.
     
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  14. ainie

    ainie Well-Known Member

    HUGS! Hope your massage makes you feel wonderful.
    I can see the loneliness becoming worse as all the work and learning winds down. Since my surgery 3 weeks ago I think I am more emotional because I am forced to pretty much stop most of what was keeping me busy. Too much time thinking. I still can't concentrate enough to read a book or even paint (which I used to LOVE), so quieter activities aren't much help.
    I have been toying with the idea of dating...seems like a gigantic task however. Not much chance of meeting anyone with Covid restrictions closing most social events. Online seems even more daunting with all the unknowns.
    Time will sort it all out.
     
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  15. Boulderhof

    Boulderhof New Member

    Hello,
    I lost my wife to cancer 60 days ago.
    I feel for you and know your pain.
    I've sold most of my possessions and am selling my home that we lived in for 10 years. Its time.
    Any suggestions are appreciated.
     
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  16. ainie

    ainie Well-Known Member

    I know! She should never have told me that...so scary!
    I envy that you are able to read or watch movies. I still can't focus long enough.
    We will make it and will find a new life!!! One day at a time.
     
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  17. ainie

    ainie Well-Known Member

    Hello! So sorry for your loss. It is a tough road to travel. Like you I have sold a lot of my husband's possessions ... some criticize that I did it too quickly but we each do what we need to. Was your life ill long or was it sudden?
     
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  18. Boulderhof

    Boulderhof New Member

    We met 11 years ago and married 9 years ago she had breast cancer in 1990 and was in remission, we had a great life for 5 years she was diagnosed with metastatic breast cancer in 2016 the side effects and cancer forced her in bed the last year. I spent all of my time with her, in bed. She died on her way to meet our new grandson it is a tremendous shock. I cry all day every day. Only one in my position can truly understand what it's like. Empty.
     
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  19. LouiseP57

    LouiseP57 Well-Known Member

    My poor pumpkin, surgery on top of all the rest of life's trauma. I am hanging on to the memory of how good it felt when the fog lifted after my son died. It took time but it did happen. What kind of painting did you do? Landscapes? Portraits? Abstract? As far as reading, I try to read one or two pages at a time, only because my concentration isn't what it used to be. I don't have all the answers, but hope that some way, some day, you will be able to pick back up the things you love.
    Peace and prayers from the Carolina coast
     
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  20. LouiseP57

    LouiseP57 Well-Known Member

    so sorry for your loss. I know it must have been difficult to part with the belongings that were a huge part of your life but if that is what is necessary , I applaud you for having the strength and courage to do it. I wish you continued strength and courage for the journey. A virtual hug from the Carolina coast.