Can't find a reason to get out of bed

Hello everyone. I lost my wife 3 months ago to fatty liver disease and kidney failure. She went into the hospital at the end of January and passed away on May 5th. This was the worst day of my life. I'm trying to make since of this whole thing but its not happening. We were together for 20 years and depended on each other for everything. Our families lived in different states so we were all that each other had. And now she's gone and I can't even find a reason to get out of bed.

 

Lee, I’m so sorry for the loss of your wife. I can understand your feeling and desire to do nothing. Missing our soul mates is overwhelming. I lost my husband to a sudden heart attack, taken from me in 2 hours. Life has been very hard since that night 20 months ago. We were together 24/7, and now it’s just me. We owned and operated a business together, so, together all the time.
I use Ron as my inspiration to do everything, including getting out of bed each day. I know he would want me to live life and move forward as best I can. So I push and try. Our loved ones don’t want us to continue in the torture we’re putting on ourselves. But it’s certainly hard. Try to push yourself to get outside and breath in fresh air, it’s very helpful, live one day at a time. Don’t push to do too much. And hopefully reach out to family through phone calls or facetime and friends too. If you’re offered support or anyone says what can I do. Ask them to just come over and have coffee. A friend to just be there feels great.
Visit this site often and read and share stories, it’s very helpful.
Take care, Robin

 

Everything Robin told you is exactly what I can tell you too. I lost my wife Peg to a brain aneurysm on Nov 2, 2019. You're not alone. Take care of yourself. One day at a time is enough. Peace will come back to us. ✌

 

Thank you so much for your reply RLC. I'm very sorry for your loss of your husband. Its a big jolt to lose the love of your life. I didn't think this would happen so soon. Its gotten to the point where I cannot make good decisions. When Sandra passed away I had her moved to Alabama where her family has a cementary. When I got financially able I said I was going to move down there to be by her. But with the virus, I've been told it would not be a good time to go down there with my health the way it is. I have a deep sense of urgency that I have to get down there to be by her side. Its very frustrating. You are right about her wanting us to live our lives. I feel like I'm being very negative and just need to get on with my life. I feel like when I talk to people about it they are thinking just get on with your life. I'm at the point where I feel like nobody wants to hear this and I just want to keep it to myself. And now I'm rambling. Thank you so much for replying. I will definitely be coming back. Maybe one day I can help someone else.

 

Thank you so much for your reply Barry, I appreciate it very much

 

I'm sorry for your loss. You loss a part of you so I understand not wanting to move right now. Like Robin said though go out and get some fresh air. You are griefing and there is no time limit on grief so you dont have to push yourself a whole lot jus enough to keep living. Talk about her all you want it feels good to get it out. The only people that may not want to hear it is the ones that haven't been through it dont understand that you dealing with a lot. I lost my fiancee 4 months ago and our small kids are my motivation. I understand not wanting to do nothing some days. I move for them. Reach out and talk to anytime. We all will listen cause we get it. Sending good vibes your way that you get stronger to deal with it all cause everyday is a challenge.

 

Thank you Sweetcole. I actually did take Robin and your advice and went out for a little while. It did help. I'm so sorry for your loss, it has to be tough raising small kids and thats a great attitude that you have. I had to put my car in the shop today and when I get it back I am going to go see my family, which I haven't seen in 18 years. Hopefully that will make me feel much better. Thank you for your reply and I hope the best for you.

 

That’s a great first step. I hope that visit goes well. Getting outside and breathing fresh gets your juices flowing. We just need to push ourselves to get outside. My son made me promise before he left to go back home after the funeral that I would go outside every day. I kept that promise e en if it was just in my back yard. And fresh air is so good for us. I hope the family visit turns into the first of many.
You’re doing great! Pushing but not too much. Slow and steady.
All the best!

 

Thank you. Thats great that you go outside everyday. It sure did help me today. I don't do to bad during the day. Its when I go to bed at night that is pretty rough. Before Sandra went into the hospital the end of Jan, we had only slept apart a couple of times. I sleep but its not a good sleep. My car is in the shop now, so hopefully I'll have it back in a couple of days. Then I will plan to go to visit. Thank you sounds like you are doing great too. I wish you all the best too.

 

Lee, I’m very sorry for the loss of your wife. Losing your partner in life is devastating. The person that always had your back is not there anymore. I’m struggling with that myself. I lost my wife 7 months ago. Before she got sick one of my worst fears was something happening to me, who would take care of her? I never imagined it would be the other way around. Not sure what to do most days, except to keep moving take small steps and set small goals. I’ve come to expect setbacks and there have been many. Hearing from others on this site who have gone through this already has helped me.

 

I’m so sorry for the loss of your wife. You’re so right that the pain is so overwhelming that there are no words to describe it. People who haven’t been through this just can’t understand how awful it feels. I lost my husband to a sudden and massive heart attack. Came out of no where, had a beautiful day together, doing chores and buying food for thanksgiving. He didn’t feel well at 9:30 pm and at 11:34 pm I lost the love of my life. The loneliness becomes too much. The house is too quiet. We owned a business together and we’re together 24/7. My life changed 100% that night. Never lived alone before. Going for walks like you’re doing is good for you. Get your blood flowing and breathe in fresh air. Visiting family is also a good choice. Be around people who will support you. You’re making good choices. Live moment to moment. I know people who have gone back to work and it turned out to be too soon, we’re all different but I think waiting is a good choice. Our brains can’t think straight, we’re living in a fog. I didn’t find this site until 11 months after my husband passed, I was not good at all. This site has helped me more then I’d ever expect. So, yes, visit this site often it helps in many ways and in knowing what you feel is normal and you’re not alone.

 

Your loss is very new - I think your walks in a place that makes you feel good are a great thing to do to take care of yourself. Your grief is unique to you and you should be kind to yourself and do what ever makes you feel best. I find it comforting to be near to my husbands things, sometimes I feel panicky and too alone if I’m not. What we are going through is not by choice and it is very hard. I am also grateful for the understanding that I find here.

 

I agree sleep is hard to find. I havnt gotten much sleep.in months. Even my son said it's not fair for us to go to sleep without his dad. So something wrong we missing our other halves. It's still weird not having him here. I hope nights get easier for you

 

We were early to bed, early to rise people. Since he’s been gone, I am not getting much restful sleep. No nightmares, just fitful sleep. My calmest time of day seems to be in the evening before bed. We usually had a couple of good hangout hours together after work around then. I am sad that he’s not going to walk through the bedroom door and go to bed. The emotions are sadness, loneliness and fear. When I do wake up the realization that he is still gone makes me panicky. I miss him and our routines. Like you I’d give anything for him to be here - his routines brought security.

 

I too have difficulty feeling like I took Michael for granted sometimes...I am not sure I took him for granted as much as his absence has made me realize just how good he was to me and for me. I think there is at least a subtle difference. All of the things I would have done differently if I'd have known that our time was running out keep flooding my mind. I have always been a person who goes the extra mile for those I love, takes care of everyone first and myself last....but feel like I never did enough. I have a hard time right now remembering anything good I did for Michael even though there are thousands of things over the years. He knew it and said it often. He was better at that part than I was.
He cooked dinner for me during the week, always ready when I got home from work, and I cooked on the weekends. We loved to have meals together. My appetite has not returned since he left and I do not feel like I will ever really cook again. And I loved it. He bragged to his friends about my cooking. Someday, maybe... Here is something I have tried that helps a bit - when my dad died in February (my other protector) I framed the most handsome picture of him and put it at a place on the dining room table. He is there when I eat my dinner, or livestream mass. I have a beautiful framed photo of Michael as well. If I need or want to talk with one of them it helps to have their photos close by. Makes it a bit more real. One of the hardest things for me has been the fear that I will forget details about Michael, his face, his moustache, goatee, blue eyes. So far I haven't forgotten anything and I find the photos help get me through.
Trying not to be so hard on myself and remember some of the kindnesses I showed him, and hoping those memories gradually replace the guilt and self-doubt. Take care and keep sharing. I think it helps.

 

I feel you it is the little things that get you more sometimes. I'd think of something we'd disagree on and it. People that havnt been through it say they understand but youre right they dont. It just seems weird doing stuff without him that I'm so use to doing. Sending good vibes that you continue to get stronger.

 

I lost my husband a month ago. It was very sudden and unexpected. Right now it's one day at a time. Still crying a lot. Tried an online support group but the people were too old. Couldn't relate.

 

Me too. Unexpected complication of his treatment. Lost him within 3 months. Really hard to accept, he was so full of life. I am so sorry for your loss. I would encourage you to keep posting - there are people here with your experience and I have found it to be really helpful. Not everyone you know will understand and stick with you which can be really hard. Take care and keep sharing.

 

My wife was one of those strong, spunky women. She would say to me - and you - “get off your ass, excersize, drink less, remember that your family and friends need you, and never forget me!”