Maybe she let me know she was OK

I am hoping someone has a possible shared experience. Since May, 2019 life seems not worth living.
Lost my pretty baby in May. Since then, I am lost. My soul-mate, my forever mate is gone.
About 3 weeks ago, I called out from work on a Monday. Just laid in our bed talking to her.
After a short while, the computer just turned on. All by itself.
Whenever I leave the computer, I set it to sleep mode and this was no exception. You have to hit the mouse button to turn it on. But it just came on.
Another thing was 2 weeks ago, I was in the car waiting to go with my arm slightly out the window. A small silver-grey feather drifted down onto my hand.
So, am I turning grief-crazy or has anyone else had anything like this happen to them?
Maybe I am just going crazy.

 

I am sorry for your loss. I believe the people we lost will try to come back to us when we are struggling. If you believe it was her, then it was her. Some things can never be explained and some times we shouldn't even try to explain them, just be comforted in the thoughts of them.

 

Yes, absolutely. I never believed in any of this, thought it was irrational, emotional, and childish until my wife passed last year. My life and thinking is completely different than before. Some of the bereavement books I read referred to synchronicity and a few people in the bereavement group I go to got me started on a a genre of book. As one of the authors wrote to the effect "these experiences can't be proved but the quantity are too great to ignore." I'm sorry for your loss, while I still cry every day I no longer cry all day.

 

I do believe that they can send us certain messages if we are open to it. This is a story of of one of my experiences that I wrote about on here after Mother’s Day. “I have a story to tell you that happen to me on mother’s day. My wife passed from cancer on 4-15-19, she had a new favorite song out by Leon bridges called river, well anyway she asked me to play that song for her when she passed in the hospital which I did. Now skip forward to her memorial, river was the last song played. Now skip forward to Mother’s Day, I take some roses out to my wife’s grave, as I’m driving I’m listening to some songs playing by shuffle on my phone through my car, I have over 100 songs on my phone but as soon as I get across the threshold of the cemetery the song River starts playing . It’s a nice day so I roll down my windows and turn it up some but not enough to annoy the other visitors, I drive slow to the back of the cemetery where she is located and after wiping my tears away the song ends. I kid you not! It felt like she was saying hi”.

 

Not at all ..
My wife windy had a thing for butterflies.. And the day of her funeral my grandbabys was outside the funeral home playing abd as i watched two butterflies landed on. These babies hand as she lay on the grass..
I just lost it and spoke out to her..
So no you are not crazy..
Our loves ones will give us tiny signs that they are ok abd watching over us..
So very sorry for your loss.. Peace to you and your family

 

My husband died a year ago from cancer. About 3 days after he passed, my smoke detector suddenly went off for no reason. The battery was only 3 months old and there was absolutely no smoke in the house. I turned it off, and put a different battery in it, but when it was re-set, it started in again. He used to always worry about me leaving the iron or burners on because I'm absent minded. That would have been his way of saying "I'm watching you." The smoke detector hasn't done that again, after turned it off and on again. The house lights also flickered for a day or two. Nothing has happened since. I love and miss him terribly!

 

I’m so sorry for your loss. It’s nice to see others who are getting signs. I get signs all the time. The way I see it is that if it feels like a sign, it’s probably a sign. If it gives you comfort that’s what is important. And it’s not hurting anyone, so go with it. I lost my soul mate to a sudden and massive heart attack. Took him from me so fast with no previous warnings. He gives me signs regularly. I lost my credit card and searched everywhere, then a few days later I woke up knowing where to look. Ron told me it was in my car. Went straight out to the garage and sure enough it was on the floor in the back. He blinks lights and one day I had my echo playing music and every song, many in a row were Ron’s favorites. My children have each heard their dads favorite songs in stores that wouldn’t normally play that type of music.
I’m sure you’ll get more signs. They happen when you least expect it. Just stay open to it.
We’re in this together, everyone on this site knows the pain you’re feeling and understands the loneliness and overwhelming feelings. Come to this site often and read and share stories. It’s very helpful.

 

Yes! I'm sure my sweet wife Peg has been watching over me. Most often when I'm really struggling with grief. I've found self help and heal your life books in places where I'll see them. Songs that play right at the right moment. A phone call from a friend of hers that I have never met. She had great advice and then admitted she had no idea why she even called. We agreed it was Peg. I have no doubt she keeps an eye on me, lives here in our home, and won't go until I'm ok. One of the things I'm most proud of in my life is that I was the man she chose to spend the rest of her life with. We have a great love story. It was love at first sight and we spent the next 25 years together until the day she died. Now she lives in my heart.

 

What a wonderful love story. Thank you for sharing. It was love at first sight for Ron and I too. 44 years together, 41 married. I’ve never lived alone until now. The loneliness can be unbearable.
But I’m trying. I feel his presence everyday.

 

I wasn't at Hospice the night before my husband died. I was exhausted and went to sleep that night. When I went to see him the following day, the nurse told me he had a rough night, crying out and struggling in his drug induced sleep. To this day I weep thinking about how I let him down when he needed me there for comfort. He was in a coma when I went in his room I told him how much I loved him and how sorry I was for anything I ever did that may have hurt him. He slipped into eternity at sunset that day. I carry such guilt for not being with him the night before. I'm crying as I type this.

 

I'm so sorry you carry that guilt. We all know how it feels. We all have the " shoulda, woulda, coulda,s ". I'm sorry.

 

First dear I am so sorry for your loss..
Second you are amongst friends here on this site.we have all got similar experiences..
I my self carry the exact same guilt..the day before my windy passed I had to go to work..didnt wanna but had to..
On my way home that nite the hospital called and said she was gone I WA to go up the following morning to be with her.i should have never went to work.
That haunts me everydsy.
Windy passed on July 17. Mine is still a raw nerve too.. I tottaly understand your grief..
God bless you dear and try to stay strong.
I would say don't beat urself up because of this but I can't because I still do as well..

 

I have similar regrets. I slept in another room..more comfortable for my husband. We were up late because he said he was having trouble breathing. He didn’t want me to do anything about it. The next morning I thought he was sleeping but... I wanted to be there when he passed. I can only hope that he went in his sleep, but I can’t help thinking that he needed me at the end and I wasn’t there. I didn’t realize how much it bothered me, I’m crying as I write this. Thank you!

 

Kata,
The guilt we put on ourselves comes to most of us. We shouldn’t do it to ourselves but we do. We love and miss them, we tell ourselves we must have missed something, not done enough not been there when we should be. But the truth is we all did everything we could, everything in our power to help them and love them in every way possible. Our love makes our minds want an excuse. And we start to relive everything looking for the mistake. We all just loved our person with every breathe we take and we all did our very best.

 

I think it's Catholicism (not sure) that believe when you die your spirit is free to roam and visit all the places you've lived and loved for 40 days before ascension to heaven. I'm sure I read that somewhere and it made me smile. I hope it does for you also.

 

I want so much, to believe that our loved ones can somehow let us know they are with us in spirit. I would love for my husband to come to me in a dream so I could see him, but he hasn't. Durning one of my particularly gut wrenching grieving sessions, I turned on my TV to the music station's 1980's era. The very first song that played was the Commodore's "Still", in which Lionel Richey sings " Most of all, I do love you, still. "

 

I get messages from my husband often, I believe that song was meant for you to hear, and your husband was giving you a message. I’ve gotten messages from both my parents and they stopped after my husband passed and I started getting messages from him. It’s a wonderful feeling. People might think I’m crazy but there’s no other explanation and I’ve seen him. Be open to it, it will happen.