Loss to Coronavirus

I just would like to thank this site for giving me the outlet to vent I lost my Aimee my Angel 43 to covid-19 March 14 2020. R.I.P. my sweetness. I was unable to see her into the ground. But I did see her to her last day. I blessing im seeing now. I love you forever my angel,my sweetness, my Aimee...I saw her up to her last living day.
Jonathan & Aimee Always & Forever.
Thankful to everyone and David who reached out to me helped by day in anyway.

 

I’m sooooooo sorry, Jonathan. This pandemic is horrific. My husband died just before this all started. I can’t imagine the additional stress we would have had to endure with all these isolation protocols. I hope you can find some solace in the fact that you were by her side. May the universe hold the two of you and your love for each other in tenderness and compassion forever.

 

Thank you much love to you sorry about hubby is hard being isolated but life goes on....

 

Sometimes I feel so lost even though it has benn 7 months since my husband passed

 

On August 11,2021 my husband passed away from Covid, we had been married 12 years. He passed away 10 days before our 13th anniversary. He felt the virus was just something fake that the news wanted us to believe, he refused to get the shots even though I got it and asked him to as well, he also refused to wear a mask. I was so mad at him when he got it, he had no health problems before this. I told him well when you get better your getting the shots. I took care of him at home until the day he was having a hard time breathing,I called 911 they came and got him. Later that night he was doing better I video chatted with him, he asked me to bring him his phone and some clothes up there the next day. At 6 am the next morning I got a call from the nurse saying he had taken a turn and had agreed to go on the ventilator, I never got to speak to him again.At 2:30 am on August 11 I got a call from the nurse saying if I wanted to see my husband one last time I better get up there quick. When I walked into the Covid ward and spoke to the nurse he started coding. I stood outside that room looking though that window for over 30 minutes watching them try to bring him back to me. After they cleaned him up I was allowed to go sit with him around 45 minutes after he had passed, he was already cold and becoming stiff, I was then told to call a funeral home about picking him up because they didn't know if there would be room in the morgue for him. This was the words the nurse used," We don't want him to lay here to long and become stinky". I won't go into everything I had to go though to get him moved to a funeral home and how things went with the viewing of his body there but it wasn't good peaceful or nice experience for the family. I try now to think of our good memories together but those memories are quickly ran away by the memory of his death and the viewing of his body afterward.

 

Oh, God, Denise, I cried ( it doesn't take
much to make me cry even after 3 years
since the sudden death, in front of me, of
my wife, Linda, 68),when I read your
truly horrific, nightmarish story about
the death of your husband from that
awful pandemic. It made my blood boil
about that horrible, mean nurse ( who
should be reported to the administrator).
I can only comfort you by saying that it
took me months, talking with a grief
counselor , to get my last image of Linda
out of my mind. It was a constant loop,
& I was in agony from both extreme
bereavement and survivor's guilt. Have
you considered talking with a grief
counselor, or joining a therapist led
hospice group, specifically for loss of
spouse? Also, may I ask the name of
your husband. One of the first things I
said to my therapist is that I wanted to
refer to Linda, by name, instead of
" my wife". I suggested that to my
friends here on Grief in Common, and
it makes our posts & replies more
personal. We also share the names of
books, movies, and quotations to help
get us through this miserable journey.
Recently, we called ourselves The
Grief Warriors (TGW). I want to welcome
you to our kind group, Denise. We are
always here for you. I liked your saying
about grief, on your profile. Even though
you are young enough to be my daughter,
we share something in common that
no one who never suffered through the
death of a loved one, could really
understand. Thank you for reaching
out to us, Denise. I go to bed early and
wake up early every day, so I didn't see
your last night's post until this morning.
Thank you. Lou

 

Hi Mr. Lou I hope you are well today.My husband's name is Tom he was 44 years old.
I do plan on speaking to a therapist once I can afford to. Since Tom passed away his VA benefits
has stopped, they still haven't made their ruling on my claim yet. I have went from Tom's income and mine
to just mine, plus Tom was the one who paid the bills ( which I found out hadn't been done in months).
I have everything caught up now, so I have been looking for a therapist I can talk to online. I can't afford to
miss anymore work, I'm a PreK teacher aid I missed the first three weeks of classes this year. Plus when I get off
work I have to come right home because I have a son who has Autism. So finding someone online is really my
only choice. My daughter's friend sent me a book called" It's Okay That Your Not Okay" I have only read a few pages so far
because I cry so much that I can't see how to read ( defeats the purpose right). On the one month anniversary of Tom's death
I heard a song that I feel he wanted me to hear , I'm not sure of how to share the song on here but the name of it is called
Dancing in the Sky( rewrite from the angel's perspective.) The last few months I have still been walking around in a dazy
it seems like a nightmare that I can't wake up from, but I just keep thinking I'm going to wake up and he'll be laying beside me.
Thank you for welcoming me to the site.

 

I found the song it's called Dancing in the Sky (rewrite from the angel's perspective)

 

Thank you so much for answering me
this Sun. am, Denise, and telling me Tom's
name. I'm not a veteran like Tom was, but
I go to the American Legion for an open
house coffee every Sat. It doesn't seem
right that you can't still collect Tom's
VA benefits. The U.S. should support the
families of deceased veterans. Having an
autistic child, even if you love your
child, is challenging by yourself. Trying
to handle your full time job, also, while
dealing with mourning, is horrible. My
heart goes out to you. I'm glad you're
trying to have a grief therapist, even if
that person is online. I have weekly
phone therapy sessions. My 1st grief
therapist was a psychiatric nurse practioner. I would go to her home/
office and just cry in the beginning.
Later, she suggested 2 great books:
Permission to Mourn, by Tom Zuba, and
The Widower's Notebook, a memoir,l
by Jonathan Santlofer. I recommended
these books to my friends here, who love
& discuss them. Some have left our group,
but I "talk" with Deb ( South Carolina),
Gary ( Indiana), Karen (California),
George ( Illinois), & Patti ( Upstate N.Y.,
I think), every day. I'm glad you & I are
in the same time zone. I go to bed 3 hours
earlier than Karen in California. Lou

 

Thank you for the music video, Denise!
You are the first one to do that here. I'm
technology challenged, so I'm impressed.
I'll have to listen to the angel music
later , bc my breakfast restaurant is
very noisy this am. Have a good Sun.
"Talk later ........" Lou

 

Hi Mr. Lou I hope your day was good. I went out with a friend of mine today the first time
I got to visit with her in months.I messed it up, I had to go to CVS to pick up medicine, well
I haven't been there since before my husband passed. Tom and I went everywhere together
the only time we wasn't together was when we were at work. Well long story short I had a melt down
in CVS. The time I went in the store all the memories came flooding back, every isle I saw him and heard his voice.
I just couldn't hold myself together, people were staring at me like crazy and the cashier seemed like she couldn't
cash out my order quick enough.But it was really good to spend time with my friend today. We just went to the CVS and
Kroger up it was good to have someone to talk to. I really don't have a support system so just being allowed to talk and cry
seemed strange but I did feel better.

 

I hope you will like the song, I really do feel that Tom wanted me to hear that song on that day.

 

Thank you for replying to me tonight,
Denise. Please call me Lou, not
"Mr.Lou". I may be old enough to be
your father, but you don't have to
address me as "Mister"! Seriously
though, I'm so sorry you broke down in CVS, but I am glad you brought a friend.
I hope you get a chance to follow the
threads of my kind friends here: Deb,
Gary, Karen, George , and Patti, We call
ourselves The Grief Warriors ( a term I
made up). Well, I have to say good night.
I did a lot of walking in the cold air by
the ocean & I need to go to bed early.
Hope you have pleasant dreams, Denise.
Look forward to your posts & replies
tomorrow. Lou

 

Denise, I haven't forgotten you. I've been
exhausted from a lot of walking and
being on the "roller coaster of grief, as
my friend, Deb, would say. I've been going to bed earlier on these cold nights. Your
song was very moving. Your picture of
your husband, with the angels, is beyond
moving. He looks like a very kind man,
with an open face.Lou

 

Denise.

I was just about to put my chrome book away for awhile and saw that you are now following me, so I wanted to be able to introduce myself to you first. I want you to know how very sorry I am that you lost your husband, Tom, to COVID. Words are so inadequate, but they're all we have, so I hope you truly know how very sorry I am. I was teary eyed reading your story because I "get it." My entire world was shattered in an instant, my heart felt like it had been torn in half. I was in shock..., in total disbelief..., but at the same time, I knew in my mind that my husband, Bob, was gone, even though my heart didn't want to believe this.

Bob, died on April 11, 2021. He suffered from many chronic diseases, the first one diagnosed in 2005, the last one, about a year before his death. Like Tom, Bob was also in the military. He served during Vietnam, but was one of the fortunate persons who wasn't sent there. Prior to his death, he was in and out of the hospital frequently, and was also in two different rehab hospitals. COVID made what was the most stressful and heartbreaking time in my life, much worse. Although the situations surrounding Tom and Bob's deaths are different, they're also similar. Like you, I wasn't able to be with Bob at the very end. Your description of spending time with Tom after he died, made me reach for a tissue. I vividly remember what it was like, seeing Bob after he died... I can't "talk" about it right now, it's just too painful. I just wish I could give you the biggest hug...

I can also relate to your experience in CVS. Triggers are everywhere. Grief hangs over our heads like a cold, dark cloud, ready to explode at any moment, soaking us in a torrential downpour of tears. I have so many similar experiences to your CVS experience that I want to share with you, but I'm way too exhausted both mentally and physically from grieving to tell you about them right now.

I want you to know how glad I am that you found us, but how sorry I am that you had to. I don't know how I would survive all of this pain if it wasn't for the friends I've made on this site. We had been calling ourselves the GIC Crew, until Lou came up with a much better name for us, The Grief Warriors (TGW as we now refer to ourselves.) I hope you'll stick around and give us the opportunity to get to know you better, and for you to get to know us better.

Please visit us on the thread where we usually hang out. I think it's called Sudden and Unexpected (my memory is shot, I hate this foggy widow brain thing that I have going on all the time!!!). The thread was started by Gary.

Sending you hugs, wishing you peace, all of us peace. DEB

 

Lost my mum to covid. I posted a message on here where you dont need to be logged in, and it said awaiting moderator approval and then got deleted. I wonder why?

 

ON this page https://www.griefincommon.com/blog/delayed-grief-when-grief-gets-worse/ why did it get deleted, can anyone tell me?

 

Lou,

You just made me smile. Great minds think alike... I "met" Denise for the first time today. I just got finished "talking" to her. I need a break, so am putting away my chrome book for awhile.

TTYL (talk to you later)...

As always, sending you hugs, wishing you peace, all of us peace. DEB

 

Hi Lou I hope you had a great day. I'm sorry I am a southern girl
I was raised to say Sir and call a man Mister ,LOL but I will try to remember that.
Today was rough, I had a doctor's appointment today, my doctor put me on two new
stress medicines and said he will get a appointment with a grief therapist. I spoke with
the VA today they said they still haven't gotten all the paperwork they need from the Army
so still no clue when I will get help. How was your day?