Well, I was doing much better after I accepted the loss of Susie and saw it more as a blessing, then simply my loss.
I had actually somewhat adjusted my life to being without her and even our little Pomeranian, Sadie seemed to settle down.
For the last couple years she had suffered from collapsed trachea, but she was on meds to manage it and for the most part, she did fine.
She couldn't run around like a puppy anymore, but at 10 years of age, I would expect her to slow down and the breathing difficulty required it.
Over time the oral dose steroid she was taking began to stop having it's desired effect.
We went from one half a pill every two days, down to one day, then twelve hours and then that wasn't even doing it.
I had to rush her to the vet for an injection about three times over the last couple months, two of those being in the last two weeks.
The last one had no effect at all.
The last two weeks had been stressful on us both, with her coughing and when anything was wrong with Sadie, it hit me hard.
Last Thursday and Friday she was having a lot of trouble throughout the day and I found myself giving her the steroid pills closer
together than you're supposed to, but what was I to do?
She was having trouble eating, and drinking would cause her to aspirate which only made things worse.
I took this picture of her at work, showing her classic smile and in a moment of peace. This is her look of love.
At one point in the day, she came over to me and did a little yip, looked up at me and I asked her what she wanted?
She didn't want to go out and it wasn't about food, but she came closer and stepped on my shoe, then I knew it.
She wanted up in my lap, so I obliged and loved on her for about 10 minutes. I almost think she knew what was coming.
Friday night at about bedtime, she crashed hard and could not stop coughing. A couple times I thought she might stop breathing,
so at 10pm, just three hours after the last dose, I gave her another pill. It was pretty much then that I realized we were at the end
of our road together.
The second pill quieted her down some, but she slept restlessly and I agonized all night knowing what I had to do the next morning.
I called the Vet's office at 8am Saturday 6/13 and after speaking with the Vet, we both agreed, it was time.
I had already been crying non-stop since we got up, but I gathered myself together and told Sadie, "let's take a ride" and she jumped right
up as she always did. She loved to travel in the car and loved the cool breeze, so I drove with the windows down because it was perfect weather.
She coughed horribly all the way there and at 9:30am Eastern, I said my last goodbyes to my littlest girl and I told her to go to Momma.
She suffers no more, but now, I am truly alone. I have cried so much my head hurts and I decided to take Tomorrow off.
I made a little photo tribute to her on Facebook to Todd Rundgren's "Sweeter Memories".
I feel horrible, but I also feel that I did the right thing, knowing how much she was suffering.
I simply could not let her suffer anymore.
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