Wednesday ART THERAPY

I was in Cheryl’s bedroom last night and I felt someone standing beside me. As I turned to look it was the tall bedpost. I embraced it and hugged my beloved Cheerful Cheryl’s nonphysical presence. Driving today I listened to the song Same Old Lang Syne by Dan Fogleberg. I was succumbed by sudden flash of emotions of missing Cheryl. I considered pulling off the road to mourn but continued. There is something very beautiful about grief. Its loving painful innocence of tenderness. When I got home I googled the song and Cheryl’s figurine and I watched it together. More tears but of the healing variety. That was a great way for Cheryl and I to celebrate the new year. Happy New Year everyone. We will keep on trucking into 2023. In this moment I love you all. Gary

 

Debster of TUTTAMVILLE, as George
calls you, for our amusement, I'm so
glad you were able to laugh at a sitcom.
I couldn't do that, or listen to music, after
Linda died. You were finally able to read
books, other than ones on grieving, and
watch TV & movies. The next step, a baby
step, is to listen to music again, bc it was
so much a part of your life BEFORE Bob,
and he'd want you to enjoy it after him.
I'm moved by the sign from Bob. As
Gary often quotes Tom Zuba, we must be
open to signs. The Godfather of Lobsterland.

 

Gary, Linda loved that song, and I have
trouble listening to it, but I have other
favorites to replace it. I love you, Bro
Gar, Lombardo , Chad ( wherever he is),
and all my wonderful widowed sisters on
GIC, who helped get me through today.
Happy New Year to all. The Godfather

 

Hello my saviors, just got up and thought :Thank God it's all over.
Yesterday, New Year's Day, the sadness was so overwhelming, Mr Grief or Kato, like Lou calls him, was at his maximum level, and much worse than last year and the year before. I ask myself: Why? Because TIME doesn't make any difference. Days, weeks, months, years, it will always seem as if it's just happened. It's as if I'm leaving my C behind, entering another year. I often wish I could stop time, saying: "Hey, Mr Time, how dare you go on without my soulmate? How can the world still turn if he isn't here, how can the sun still shine? Just like that beautiful song 'The end of the world". Of course, time doesn't heal, that hole, emptiness, will always be present, but we will put all our broken pieces together around that hole, somehow. I try to convince myself that I AM NOT leaving my C behind, I'm taking him with me as I go on with my life. He is still here, I feel him, I talk to him, ask him for advice, suggestions, trying to get through difficult situations doing what he would have done. Thanks to his wisdom and knowledge which he has transmitted to us, we manage to go on, honoring his legacy.
I spent the afternoon in my music/comfort room, playing on my electronic piano, singing my heart out. Along with nature therapy, this is my music therapy to release my emotions, pouring out my sorrows, stopping the 'pressure cooker' in my head from exploding. While I play, I talk to C in the empty chair next to the piano stool, where he would always watch and smile at my progress, encouraging me, and then it would be his turn, and I would do the same. Now, I often apologise to him, showing him how I haven't made any progress at all, since he left.
I'll never get tired of repeating how grateful I am for GIC. I want to wish you again all the comfort and strength in the world.
Rose.

 

Rose, woke up briefly in the middle of the
night just now, & was hoping to find
another Grief Warrior . Bc of our time
difference, that's usually you! I love your
playing piano, singing loudly, and talking
to C. Yesterday, on my wedding anniversary, I went to the same
beautiful hotel bar, overlooking the
ocean, that I went with Linda, when it
first opened. I went with a buddy, who's
half deaf , constantly looking for
women. The good thing is that I talked
with an older couple next to me. The
woman said her first husband died 4
years ago, and she still thought of him
every day. Funny thing is that HER
companion didn't hear her, bc he was
half deaf, too. I pointed to Linda's cane,
hanging on a hook under the bar, and
said I felt her presence with us, and that
I had a spiritual sense. The woman
nodded, and smiled. Everyone grieves
differently. I know a 93 year old man,
who had been married 67 years. His
wife died 2 years ago. He said people
think he's crazy , bc he talks to a framed
photo of his wife every morning.When
he told me that, I almost cried, but just
said I didn't think that was strange at
all. Lou

 

Rose time want heal that wound of losing your soul mate but with time you will become stronger. I like how you said you're not leaving C behind. You're right you're not because he's your Soul mate so he will always be apart of you. Even though we know that it definitely still hurts. Me and a friend was talking about that why we felt something tugging at us as the year was ending because we didn't have our mates at the end and beginning of a year. People.always say you have the memories but sometimes thinking of those memories hurt. I can say that as time goes by some of them make you smile. I think its beautiful yousit and play the piano and talk to him. Using it as way to express your feeling is beautiful therapy. I feel You will make progress again and continue to make your C proud.

 

Lou, how wonderful to get married on New Year's Day, and it was touching that you went to that same bar you'd gone to with your Linda. I don't think the 93 yr-old man is crazy either, we can understand him. After all, we talk to our soulmates too, don't we? I always talk to my C's photos and ask him where he is.
Sending you and your Linda a hug for your anniversary.
Rose.

 

Happy belated anniversary Lou! I like that you visited the hotel bar that you went to with Linda. Being there and caring her can shows how strong you are. Having a piece of her with you is beautiful. You said a mouthful when you said everyone grieves differently. We do! Thats the beauty of this site even though we all grieve differently we're here to support each other. I think part of us will always miss our soulmates even if we find other companions like the lady you were talking to. Sometimes people feel its just good to have someone to keep back some.of the loneliness. I get that but I'm not ready and not sure if I ever will be only time will tell. I just keep my focus on my kids. I wish everyone that is ready luck though. Wishing you peace and joy!

 

Thank you for your kind comforting words, Sweetcole, you're so right about memories hurting at times, they often bring both tears and smiles at the same time.
Yes, you're also right that we will get stronger.
Rose.

 

Thank you, Rose, for your kind comment
about yesterday's anniversary. It was
bittersweet, & I'm glad it's over, and I can
look forward to the first week of the year.
The 2 yrs after Linda died, I had difficulty
telling both friends , and strangers,
usually couples, visiting from out of
town, the fun places to which Linda &
I went. Now, an amazing thing has
happened. I recommend restaurants
we loved. I go one step further, and
make people laugh at some of the
funny things Linda said, sometimes at
my expense. Lou

 

Nicole, both you and Rose were a joy to
read early this morning. I wanted to
share with TGW, my thoughts about
my wedding anniversary with Linda
yesterday. I agree with you about
learning to smile at certain memories,
and to share them with others. Gant, C,
and Linda would've been proud of us.
I recount the amusing story of New
Year's Eve, when Linda & I had a few
drinks & went to a buffet. Linda warned
me about a burger I wanted, but,being a
reckless idiot, I ate it. I spent New Year's
Eve, moaning in bed, while Linda looked
down the street at where people were
celebrating, and watched the fireworks,
It became a running gag, with other
couples. A miracle happened the next
day. I was fine, and we walked briskly
to the wedding chapel. After the
ceremony, we walked slowly, hand in
hand. Lou

 

Lou, Rose, and Sweetcole your messages are so encouraging and inspiring. You all are standing toe to toe with Mr Grief as warriors feeling your feelings. Reminds me of the movie The Gladiator. Even though it doesn’t feel like it now you are growing spiritually and healing. This is such a beautiful, safe, and sacred place to express our grief. Gary

 

Thank you, Gary, I may be The Godfather,
who gathers the GIC family together, but
you're my consigliere ( played by
Robert Duvall, in original Godfather
movie). The big difference is that we
are not a crime family, but a loving
family who supports each other. Lou

 

Happy Anniversary Lou!
It still should be a day to celebrate your love and life together, even as you miss Linda. I hope that I’m getting names right. I hope you were able to celebrate in some small way, even as you grieve. Maybe I am crazy, but these days are a mix of happiness and grief. ❤️

 

TGW's network is filling in the gaps of our current social construct pretty damned well.
Thanks for being. A blessed new year to everyone.
~B

 

Deborah, just woke up at 7am, my time,
and went right on GIC, as I usually do
in the morning. I'm so happy to see your
kind wish for a Happy Wedding Anniversary for Linda & me. As I told others here, I was alone in my local cafe
( which didn't exist when Linda was
alive). I love live music there, but didn't
dance, due to balance issues . I walk with
Linda's cane. I choked up when I saw an
older couple doing a slow dance, like
Linda and I did the night we met at a
party in Boston. I went home early this
New Year's Eve. The next morning, the
day of our anniversary, I tried to go to
a new bar/ restaurant in my small town,
with a friend, whose soulmate had died
3 years ago, to my 4. It was closed, as was
everything else. I was depressed and
angry , so I persuaded my friend to
drive us to a nearby city , where
everything was open. We went to a
beautiful hotel bar overlooking the ocean.
Even though I gave up drinking 2 years
after Linda died, at the advice of my
grief counselor. when I became
very depressed, my spirits were lifted
at this friendly place, and I talked with a
married couple next to me. I pointed to
Linda's cane, spoke about her briefly,
and the couple made me smile by saying
Linda's spirit was present beside me.
Indeed she was. I've become a "people
person" like she was. You captured
Robin's idea that all of us can be happy,
mixed with sad. Thank you for taking the
interest in getting my name and Linda's
right. You have become a valuable
member of our group, and I'm glad you
decided to stay with us. Lou

 

I am not doing good. I want to be strong. It's so hard.

 

But your art is beautiful!! You inspire me to try to do the things I’m not doing. They feel too hard and come with so many memories. You’re struggling and producing beautiful art pieces. Thank you!! Robin

 

Thank you your kind and supportive words mean so much. I try so hard not to sink back into that severe depression.

 

I just read your message this evening. I too wish you and Linda a Happy Anniversary. New Years Eve can be a very lonely time. Even if you are with people as I was with four of my girlfriends. I was alone in a group thinking about the past celebrations with Tom. We didn't do much we were just together for a quiet dinner and evening. We both looked forward to a new year together. Little did we know a year ago that 2022 would be the last for us. Seems strange to be alone in the house because I still expect him to walk in the room. Not sure what I will do with the house and my life but I guess thoughts will come in time. Right now I can just take a day at a time. I have been trying to keep busy and not think of the future. We had plans to travel more and sometimes I would just like to walk out the door and climb on a plane, boat etc. and keep going. But going where alone? Not a good thought right now. Yes, I feel Tom's spirit I would just like to hold him one more time. But of course one more time would not be enough. Guess I am just greedy. When I go out to the store I too talk to anyone who will listen. Not whole conversations just Good Morning, something to hear my voice talk to someone and most of the time they answer. Take good care and sending you hugs.
Janiceanne