Wednesday ART THERAPY

Merry Christmas, younger Bro Gar. You
always come through for us . You are a
noble Grief Warrior, braving the cold
labyrinth,while your wounded, older
Godfather brother, looks out the window
from a warm apartment. Thank you.
Bro Lou

 

Thanks Debenator... Distracted myself playing computer games for hours. It is so bitterly cold and I went out in it to get TB a pizza. Wanting something that I can't have is not easy. I think I'm kinda creative cuz I have to be good at something I guess. You take care and stay warm and healthy!!!

 

Bro Geo, It's so good to see you on here right now.Like the Sinatra song ( his
favorite) , One for my Baby, when he
sadly sings to the bartender, " It's quarter
'til 3, no one in the place, but you and me...",
I woke up in a cold sweat , getting 2 bottles
of water, one for me, and one......for Linda
who was standing in her nightgown. I
started talking to her. When she didn't
answer,I cried, and said, " please, please
come back---- just for one hour". When I
realized that was impossible, I swore, and
cried some more. I had to reach out to
somebody on GIC. I had a feeling someone
would be there, but I thought it would be
Rose, or Ms. Hum,who I hadn't seen here
all day. I was doing so well on Christmas
Day, laughing it up with you, "Debenator",
and your everchanging funny nicknames,
that I must have submerged my grief. Cato
had other plans for me. Sorry to be a wet
blanket, Lombardo , but I had to talk with
somebody. Thank you for being there for
me. I'm the wounded, recovering
Godfather, as Bro Gary calls me.......

 

I'm so sorry Lou that you woke up suddenly in such distress. You must have had a bit of a fever during the night, with that nasty cold you have. Your dream literally 'tore at my heartstrings', I can understand how you felt, and would you believe I had a similar dream last night? This is what happened : I was on a video face-to-face call on my mobile with my C, (something we've never done before, no need, we were never apart). Anyway, we were talking and I kept asking him why couldn’t I see his face if this was supposed to be a video call, he just kept on talking, I don't know what he was saying, but I remember I kept telling him that I would be back soon, as I had already been away a week! How strange... I also suddenly woke up at about 5am, nearly in tears, but I didn't go downstairs, as I had just heard my son returning home from his late night out (typical young, free and single 26yr-old guy !), so I didn't want to worry him, thinking that his mum still regularly has these almost sleepless nights. He has enough going on with his own bipolar depression, poor thing. I don't want to burden him with more.
I don't know about you Lou, but, even though these dreams make us extra sad and cry, they also leave me with a sense of well-being and closeness with my soulmate.

I hope you feel better today, my children have both got colds and cough, they're getting through it with daily aerosol therapy.

I hope all my GW friends managed to get through Christmas Day as best they could, without too much sadness in the air. I know Mr Grief is constantly controlling our minds, we just have to struggle along taking him with us and keeping him tame.

Rose

 

Rose, you are incredible, how you are
always here for me. After that bad dream.
I went into a deep sleep , and woke up
later than usual, at 8am. I believe in
honesty on this forum. When I'm feeling
happy, listening to live music with friends,
or, home alone, sick, missing Linda who
took care of me, I share it with my
fellow Grief Warriors. It is good for me to
start the day "talking" with someone, like
you, who understands. I'm sorry to hear
your heartwrenching dream about C.
When you said your son has bipolar
depression, I hope he has medication.
The reason I say this, is when I first joined
this site, I revealed that I was diagnosed
with manic depression, when I was a
little older than your son, was hospitalized,
given medication , which I'm on to this
day. I also saw a therapist to help me
navigate through relationships. By the
time I met Linda, in my 40s, I was stable,
if I had regular sleeping ( most important),
eating, & exercise habits. If your son does
these things, he should be able to listen to
you, and share, bc his father died, as well
as your husband. This is heavy stuff, before
my first cup of coffee! "Talk" soon...Lou

 

Sorry to hear about the dreams you both have had. All the emotions triggered by Christmas set us off and give Mr Grief an opening to poison our minds. Mr Grief has been using guilt on me by telling me I haven’t visited the sd card photos of my beloved Cheerful Cheryl. And Mr Grief is telling me I am not honoring Cheryl’s memories enough. My healer taught me how grief changes it’s testimony to confuse me and cause sadness. The porcelain doll that resembles Cheryl and I watched 3 of our favorite music videos this morning and I meditated afterwards. I feel better. It’s just a big ball of a happy/sad life. But it is doable. It is so nice to have people like you to share it with. I was hoping to burn off a bunch of anxiety on the exercise bike but the bearing came apart and it is not repairable. I will shop for one online today. Keep on peddling. Gary

 

Thank you so much , Gary, for giving
comfort to Rose & myself. You are inspiring with your method of grieving with, not
over ,Cheryl. I havea shrine on my bureau
for Linda, next to her memorial ( a word I
prefer, to ashes). There is a small jade
elephant which looks toward her
simple memorial. We had bought it
together. My therapist at the time , said
the little elephant was a reminder that I
would never forget Linda, and I won't,
until our spirits are joined. I also have a
pair of porcelain ducks, which make me
calm, bc both Linda & I found serenity
watching them glide effortlessly on the
water, no matter the weather. Lou

 

Thanks Lou, yes you have mentioned before, about having suffered from manic depression. I'm glad to hear you have managed to take control of this condition. My son is improving a lot since he finally started taking medication, after having refused for four years.
You're right about getting enough sleep, eating properly and exercising, he's doing all this and has even found a job, even if it's only temporary, at least it keeps him occupied.

Rose.

 

Rose, forgive my "foggy widower's brain",
as Debcalls it. I had forgotten we
had this conversation. I managed to
drink beer, with food, most of my life,
while on meds. But , my manic depression
magnified the horror of Linda's collapse
in front of me, and I voluntarily spent 5
nights in a small psychiatric unit. Upon
discharge, I started seeing my grief
counselor, a psychiatric nurse practitioner.
I kept drinking , staying out late, and
losing sleep. 2 years later, I went back to
the same unit ( with the same nurses and
counselors),bc I had become very
depressed & suicidal. My therapist called
me at the facility, and gently suggested
I give up alcohol. When I came out, I took
her advice & stopped. I've been tempted
on a dark, dreary lonely day, but have not
succumbed . I feel healthier, have a mostly
regular sleep schedule, and I'm generally
happier. I'm not an alcoholic, bc I'm
comfortable sitting at a bar with my
friend, who's having a beer,to listen to
live music and to meet people. Lou

 

Yes, I just saw this. You guys are a kick.

 

Yay, Ms.Hum! Welcome back! We missed
you! Lou from Lobsterland

 

Just saw your post Brother Duane LouGustinos. I have been distracting myself playing Civilization 5 on the computer for hours. I can't bear thinking about how Valerie is dead! I am not doing good but I keep trying. I have dreams of her EVERY night. This christmas was way harder than last year and the extreme cold doesn't help. At least we get to see our wives in our dreams and like Bro Gar sez it's like they are still trying to be with us? I don't know... I just keep on going... I know I need to do art, but instead I'll sittin' that chair for four long hours today!

 

It's hard not to drink. I just want to get buzzed but I won't/can't... TB hates weed and VDKA makes me sick. Beer has too much fluid! Last year reading my journal I spent the holidays buzzed but I won't do that this year. It is so cold!

 

Bto Geo Lombardo Da Vinci, your
expanded nicknames for me , make me
laugh.

 

Yay I say!

 

Even though Duane was a typo for Don,
as in Don Corleone, you decided to go
ahead and use it, anyway! Now, I'm
puzzled by "Gustinos". There are no
rules here,especially in Lombardville.
Question: where does Lombard
originate? Don Lobster Man

 

Lombard is this dreary cruddy little subUrb I had to move to from my maintenance deferred house in Beautiful LaGrange. "Langoustineslou" - LouGustinos has a certain class to it methinkith...

 

Geo Picasso, I must admit that I enjoyed
drinking beer most of my life, and tried
beers from around the world. When I
found out I had Celiac Disease 8 years
ago, it had to be gluten free beer , which
I found lame. I switched to hard cider,
& would order it in pint glasses at the
bar, so it resembled a draft beer, but I
found it too sweet. Finally, I chose to
have vodka, with cranberry juice, and
soda, and I got hammered. It was fun
for a while, I won't lie. But, one night,
in a place I didn't usually go, I didn't
like the food , or the people next to me
at the bar, and went home, depressed.
That was my last drink. Van Lousterino

 

You could also be VanDerGraf Generator Go... ???

 

VanDerGraffGeneratorVanGough... Or LobsterinoMan... Drinking makes me feel great at the time but then I get too depressed! When I was a kid I'd drink this imported German beer and stuff like that. I could put away 12 Paulaner Salvator Doppelbocks like nothing! I can't imagine doing that now! LoL