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Valentine is Dead!

Discussion in 'Loss of Spouse' started by eyepilot13, Feb 11, 2022.

Page 3 of 8

Van Gogh Well-Known Member

Thank you for your kind thoughts about
my feelings about Linda's last physical
days on earth. GIC, & your post today,
in particular, came at a gloomy time for
me. I woke up this am, from a "hug dream"
about Linda. I was granted a wish to spend
24 hours with her. In previous dreams
like this, I wanted us to exchange stories
about what happened after her death. In
this dream, I said I wanted to hug her &
not let go. She nodded & came toward me,
& we put our arms around each other.
When I was fully awake I cried, hugging myself, and
realizing Linda wasn't by my side, and
never would be. This dream may have
been triggered by all the sad, lonely
grief stricken stories , leading up to
Valentine's Day. Lou

happened early this am, the day

Thanksgiving.,There have been a lot of
sad stories recently. I will need a nap now.
I'm sufferinv from mourner's fatigue. Loud

cjpines said: ↑

B, I have no words to describe your story and I thank you for posting it. So incredible and heart moving.

For my short story, to lose sudden or terminal, Hum!. I've thought about that. For my experience with Jack he was terminal and had two weeks at home with hospice. That was time for the family and close friends to come by and say goodbye. Jack ask for me to call certain friends to come over so he could say goodbye. So in that respect terminal was time for goodbyes. I can't imagine sudden deaths. Shocking beyond words. We have no say how our love ones go.

There is a quote by Oprah Winfrey. "I'm am a spiritual being living a human life". B, your comment, "His body had done his job and served him well". Our body is our home for our spirit.

I really appreciate you posting your story, your memory serves you well. I have blocked out a lot of my terrible feelings of quilt with Jack's illness, or maybe I'm in denial not wanting to hurt so much. Spring will be here soon, let's get our gardens going to sooth our aching hearts. Always blessings to you, Karen
Click to expand...

,

Countess Joy said: ↑

Thank you, Lou
I wasn’t sure I should share that, not just with GWs but with anyone. It so personal, especially for Kenn, I know he wouldn’t mind if there was any value our experience might bring someone else.
I understand you not wanting to see Linda after she died. I’m glad you got to do it in the way that was best for you and that you have peace about the decision. That’s a blessing.

I don’t think of it as horrible though.
It was a heavy time, big human emotions.
Standing in witness to death was magic, nature doing what nature does with a soul inside it or something, hard to describe.
Just like the birth of my son entering the world is the Pain and Beauty and Wonder and Intensity (TU) of leaving the world. ~B
Click to expand...

,

Countess Joy said: ↑

Thank you, Lou
I wasn’t sure I should share that, not just with GWs but with anyone. It so personal, especially for Kenn, I know he wouldn’t mind if there was any value our experience might bring someone else.
I understand you not wanting to see Linda after she died. I’m glad you got to do it in the way that was best for you and that you have peace about the decision. That’s a blessing.

I don’t think of it as horrible though.
It was a heavy time, big human emotions.
Standing in witness to death was magic, nature doing what nature does with a soul inside it or something, hard to describe.
Just like the birth of my son entering the world is the Pain and Beauty and Wonder and Intensity (TU) of leaving the world. ~B
Click to expand...

Countess Joy said: ↑

The weeks prior to Kenn’s death he had some end of life neurological problems. It was really challenging. He didn’t remember who I was. He was afraid and disoriented. It was just the two of us navigating death. He was dying and I was there as witness to it.
After a particularly bad Saturday night he fell asleep at 8am on Sunday morning and never regained consciousness.
His body lost life, his buoyancy was gone, he became dead weight so moving and tending to his needs took a lot of patience and skill to manage alone. He died two days later, just after midnight on Tuesday.
When he stopped breathing I stayed in my chair beside the bed, made a couple of phone calls and then went to sleep. It wasn’t at all uncomfortable knowing he wasn’t in his body anymore. I wanted that peaceful time with him.
In the morning his son wanted to rush right over but I put him off for a while. After noon he arrived but did not want to see his dad’s body.
The hospice nurse arrived later and he and I tended to his body, got some things settled and then called the crematorium.
It wasn’t until just before dark that they arrived to take Kenn’s body. 18 hours after he stopped breathing. It was one of the most difficult moments. Kenn had entrusted himself to me in those last weeks, he could not speak or advocate or care for himself. I had promised him I would care for him until the end. He was wrapped up in our bedsheets so they didn’t have to disturb him.
I had been talking to him throughout the day, letting him know what was happening, that his body was safe, he was safe to go. He didn’t need permission of course but if there was any lingering I wanted to assure him. His face had changed several times over the course of the day, his disengagement from the physical world was distinct. His face became peaceful, like Gary saw with Cheryl, and then he was just gone, his body had done his job and served him well.

I haven’t really talked about this part to most people. The idea of seeing or being with a vacant body is harder for some, for me, at least with Kenn, it felt like the most natural time.
One woman’s experience. ~B
Click to expand...

cjpines said: ↑

My last posting is to you Gary and Lou responding to an article saying sudden and long illness grief is the same. Or something like that. Do not compare grief.
Click to expand...

Countess Joy said: ↑

The weeks prior to Kenn’s death he had some end of life neurological problems. It was really challenging. He didn’t remember who I was. He was afraid and disoriented. It was just the two of us navigating death. He was dying and I was there as witness to it.
After a particularly bad Saturday night he fell asleep at 8am on Sunday morning and never regained consciousness.
His body lost life, his buoyancy was gone, he became dead weight so moving and tending to his needs took a lot of patience and skill to manage alone. He died two days later, just after midnight on Tuesday.
When he stopped breathing I stayed in my chair beside the bed, made a couple of phone calls and then went to sleep. It wasn’t at all uncomfortable knowing he wasn’t in his body anymore. I wanted that peaceful time with him.
In the morning his son wanted to rush right over but I put him off for a while. After noon he arrived but did not want to see his dad’s body.
The hospice nurse arrived later and he and I tended to his body, got some things settled and then called the crematorium.
It wasn’t until just before dark that they arrived to take Kenn’s body. 18 hours after he stopped breathing. It was one of the most difficult moments. Kenn had entrusted himself to me in those last weeks, he could not speak or advocate or care for himself. I had promised him I would care for him until the end. He was wrapped up in our bedsheets so they didn’t have to disturb him.
I had been talking to him throughout the day, letting him know what was happening, that his body was safe, he was safe to go. He didn’t need permission of course but if there was any lingering I wanted to assure him. His face had changed several times over the course of the day, his disengagement from the physical world was distinct. His face became peaceful, like Gary saw with Cheryl, and then he was just gone, his body had done his job and served him well.

I haven’t really talked about this part to most people. The idea of seeing or being with a vacant body is harder for some, for me, at least with Kenn, it felt like the most natural time.
One woman’s experience. ~B
Click to expand...

Countess Joy said: ↑

Thank you, Lou
I wasn’t sure I should share that, not just with GWs but with anyone. It so personal, especially for Kenn, I know he wouldn’t mind if there was any value our experience might bring someone else.
I understand you not wanting to see Linda after she died. I’m glad you got to do it in the way that was best for you and that you have peace about the decision. That’s a blessing.

I don’t think of it as horrible though.
It was a heavy time, big human emotions.
Standing in witness to death was magic, nature doing what nature does with a soul inside it or something, hard to describe.
Just like the birth of my son entering the world is the Pain and Beauty and Wonder and Intensity (TU) of leaving the world. ~B
Click to expand...

Van Gogh, Feb 13, 2022

#41

Countess Joy likes this.
Van Gogh Well-Known Member

,

,[/QUOTE]
)

cjpines said: ↑

My last posting is to you Gary and Lou responding to an article saying sudden and long illness grief is the same. Or something like that. Do not compare grief.
Click to expand...

cjpines said: ↑

My last posting is to you Gary and Lou responding to an article saying sudden and long illness grief is the same. Or something like that. Do not compare grief.
Click to expand...

Thank you, Karen, for being the referee
between my brother,Gary, & myself,
about my wish not to compare grief. I had
a bad night, am very tired ( looking out at
MORE snow. though fortunately only 2
inches, or so,unlike the recent snowstorm).
I'.so tired that I screwed up a previous
post. which went way beyond mere typos.
Time for nap. TBC.........Lou

Van Gogh, Feb 13, 2022

#42
Sweetcole Well-Known Member

eyepilot13 said: ↑

I'm more into the instrumental part of music than the singers. A lot of vocalists are overblown and pretentious to me and they sound annoying. Today the 13th is our official Valentines Day. I just need to get thru the day. It is cold!
Click to expand...

Hey just checking to see how your day went.

Sweetcole, Feb 13, 2022

#43

Van Gogh likes this.
Gary166 Guest

Countess Joy said: ↑

The weeks prior to Kenn’s death he had some end of life neurological problems. It was really challenging. He didn’t remember who I was. He was afraid and disoriented. It was just the two of us navigating death. He was dying and I was there as witness to it.
After a particularly bad Saturday night he fell asleep at 8am on Sunday morning and never regained consciousness.
His body lost life, his buoyancy was gone, he became dead weight so moving and tending to his needs took a lot of patience and skill to manage alone. He died two days later, just after midnight on Tuesday.
When he stopped breathing I stayed in my chair beside the bed, made a couple of phone calls and then went to sleep. It wasn’t at all uncomfortable knowing he wasn’t in his body anymore. I wanted that peaceful time with him.
In the morning his son wanted to rush right over but I put him off for a while. After noon he arrived but did not want to see his dad’s body.
The hospice nurse arrived later and he and I tended to his body, got some things settled and then called the crematorium.
It wasn’t until just before dark that they arrived to take Kenn’s body. 18 hours after he stopped breathing. It was one of the most difficult moments. Kenn had entrusted himself to me in those last weeks, he could not speak or advocate or care for himself. I had promised him I would care for him until the end. He was wrapped up in our bedsheets so they didn’t have to disturb him.
I had been talking to him throughout the day, letting him know what was happening, that his body was safe, he was safe to go. He didn’t need permission of course but if there was any lingering I wanted to assure him. His face had changed several times over the course of the day, his disengagement from the physical world was distinct. His face became peaceful, like Gary saw with Cheryl, and then he was just gone, his body had done his job and served him well.

I haven’t really talked about this part to most people. The idea of seeing or being with a vacant body is harder for some, for me, at least with Kenn, it felt like the most natural time.
One woman’s experience. ~B
Click to expand...

B What a beautiful love story. Thank you.

Gary166, Feb 14, 2022

#44

DEB321 likes this.
DEB321 Well-Known Member

Countess Joy said: ↑

The weeks prior to Kenn’s death he had some end of life neurological problems. It was really challenging. He didn’t remember who I was. He was afraid and disoriented. It was just the two of us navigating death. He was dying and I was there as witness to it.
After a particularly bad Saturday night he fell asleep at 8am on Sunday morning and never regained consciousness.
His body lost life, his buoyancy was gone, he became dead weight so moving and tending to his needs took a lot of patience and skill to manage alone. He died two days later, just after midnight on Tuesday.
When he stopped breathing I stayed in my chair beside the bed, made a couple of phone calls and then went to sleep. It wasn’t at all uncomfortable knowing he wasn’t in his body anymore. I wanted that peaceful time with him.
In the morning his son wanted to rush right over but I put him off for a while. After noon he arrived but did not want to see his dad’s body.
The hospice nurse arrived later and he and I tended to his body, got some things settled and then called the crematorium.
It wasn’t until just before dark that they arrived to take Kenn’s body. 18 hours after he stopped breathing. It was one of the most difficult moments. Kenn had entrusted himself to me in those last weeks, he could not speak or advocate or care for himself. I had promised him I would care for him until the end. He was wrapped up in our bedsheets so they didn’t have to disturb him.
I had been talking to him throughout the day, letting him know what was happening, that his body was safe, he was safe to go. He didn’t need permission of course but if there was any lingering I wanted to assure him. His face had changed several times over the course of the day, his disengagement from the physical world was distinct. His face became peaceful, like Gary saw with Cheryl, and then he was just gone, his body had done his job and served him well.

I haven’t really talked about this part to most people. The idea of seeing or being with a vacant body is harder for some, for me, at least with Kenn, it felt like the most natural time.
One woman’s experience. ~B
Click to expand...

Bernadine,

This is so very beautiful... Thank you so much for sharing such a personal, private time in your lives, with all of us. I love the way you were able to stay by Kenn's side, and help make his passing such a calm/peaceful experience. It is comforting to know that both you and Gary saw a peaceful look on Kenn's and Cheryl's faces after they had passed. When all that remained was Kenn's body, Karen expressed my thoughts so perfectly when she said, "Our body is our home for our spirit."

You have made me start to look at Bob's death in a slightly different way... I can't put into words what I'm thinking (yet), but if a time comes when I can, I will share my thoughts with you, and all TGW.

As always, sending you and Maggie Joy lots of hugs and love, wishing you peace, all of us peace. DEB

DEB321, Feb 14, 2022

#45

Countess Joy, Gary166 and Van Gogh like this.
eyepilot13 Well-Known Member

Van Gogh said: ↑

So sorry, George. It was insensitive for
me to joke about you flipping the bird.
Had I known you were hurt, I wouldn't
have said that. When I fell, cut one knee,
the other knee tensed up, & I couldn't
tie my sneakers, or use the stairs, let alone
cut my toenails.A married couple
suggested a pedicure. At first , I laughed.
But, it was well worth it. I go every 6
weeks & treat myself. The feel of the
warm whirlpool as my feet were immersed
in it, was wonderful & relaxing. Would
you consider that? Lou
Click to expand...

Went to the Immediate Care place today and they sliced open my finger to drain out all the blood and puss. Now it doesn't hurt! I got a big freaky bandage on me hand LoL

eyepilot13, Feb 14, 2022

#46

Van Gogh and Gary166 like this.
Countess Joy Well-Known Member

eyepilot13 said: ↑

Went to the Immediate Care place today and they sliced open my finger to drain out all the blood and puss. Now it doesn't hurt! I got a big freaky bandage on me hand LoL
Click to expand...

Ew… lol
And hooray!

Countess Joy, Feb 14, 2022

#47

Van Gogh likes this.
Gary166 Guest

eyepilot13 said: ↑

Went to the Immediate Care place today and they sliced open my finger to drain out all the blood and puss. Now it doesn't hurt! I got a big freaky bandage on me hand LoL
Click to expand...

Glad you’re on the mend George. Gary

Gary166, Feb 14, 2022

#48

eyepilot13 and Van Gogh like this.
Van Gogh Well-Known Member

eyepilot13 said: ↑

Went to the Immediate Care place today and they sliced open my finger to drain out all the blood and puss. Now it doesn't hurt! I got a big freaky bandage on me hand LoL
Click to expand...

Oh, man, George, now I REALLY feel
guilty about kidding you about giving
somebody "the ( middle) finger". Had no
idea it was that bad. Glad they fixed you.
Once again, George, you're a brave
younger brother! Lou

Van Gogh, Feb 14, 2022

#49

eyepilot13 likes this.
eyepilot13 Well-Known Member

Gary166 said: ↑

Glad you’re on the mend George. Gary
Click to expand...

Thanks Bro, as soon as I get my car back I injure my finger! LoL

eyepilot13, Feb 15, 2022

#50

Van Gogh likes this.
eyepilot13 Well-Known Member

Van Gogh said: ↑

Oh, man, George, now I REALLY feel
guilty about kidding you about giving
somebody "the ( middle) finger". Had no
idea it was that bad. Glad they fixed you.
Once again, George, you're a brave
younger brother! Lou
Click to expand...

No worries The Lou. It is so important to be able toke about this stuff!

eyepilot13, Feb 15, 2022

#51

Van Gogh likes this.
Van Gogh Well-Known Member

eyepilot13 said: ↑

No worries The Lou. It is so important to be able toke about this stuff!
Click to expand...

As my friend, Karen, the typo finder,
would say, I think you meant to say joke,
instead of "toke"! The Lou

Van Gogh, Feb 15, 2022

#52

eyepilot13 likes this.
eyepilot13 Well-Known Member

Van Gogh said: ↑

As my friend, Karen, the typo finder,
would say, I think you meant to say joke,
instead of "toke"! The Lou
Click to expand...

Toke and joke!!! Thatz funny!

eyepilot13, Feb 15, 2022

#53

Van Gogh likes this.
Van Gogh Well-Known Member

eyepilot13 said: ↑

Toke and joke!!! Thatz funny!
Click to expand...

George: Remember the song, One toke
over the line......? The Lou

Van Gogh, Feb 15, 2022

#54

eyepilot13 likes this.
eyepilot13 Well-Known Member

Van Gogh said: ↑

George: Remember the song, One toke
over the line......? The Lou
Click to expand...

Yes I do!

eyepilot13, Feb 15, 2022

#55

Van Gogh likes this.
Van Gogh Well-Known Member

eyepilot13 said: ↑

Yes I do!
Click to expand...

Great! I know I'm older than you, but
you have an "old soul", with an eclectic
taste in music. Lou

Van Gogh, Feb 15, 2022

#56

eyepilot13 likes this.
cjpines Well-Known Member

Van Gogh said: ↑

As my friend, Karen, the typo finder,
would say, I think you meant to say joke,
instead of "toke"! The Lou
Click to expand...

Haaaaaa! I only find your typo's Lou. I don't want to be considered the"Typo Finder" on GW's posts. As I may have many typo's too, I meant type.

cjpines, Feb 15, 2022

#57

Van Gogh likes this.
Van Gogh Well-Known Member

cjpines said: ↑

Haaaaaa! I only find your typo's Lou. I don't want to be considered the"Typo Finder" on GW's posts. As I may have many typo's too, I meant type.
Click to expand...

Well, Karen, I'm honored, but I can't
guarantee that I will always have them.
I usually do typos when I'm doing
stream of consciousness, & let it flow,
like Jackson Pollock did with his paintings,
or when I'm emotional about grief. Lou

Van Gogh, Feb 15, 2022

#58
cjpines Well-Known Member

Van Gogh said: ↑

Well, Karen, I'm honored, but I can't
guarantee that I will always have them.
I usually do typos when I'm doing
stream of consciousness, & let it flow,
like Jackson Pollock did with his paintings,
or when I'm emotional about grief. Lou
Click to expand...

I do my typing on my desktop computer with a very large screen. I can't imagine using a cell phone for this forum as I think you do for such long posts.

cjpines, Feb 15, 2022

#59

Van Gogh likes this.
Van Gogh Well-Known Member

Ah!The truth comes out, Karen! Thanks!
Lou

Van Gogh, Feb 15, 2022

#60

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