Robin,
I agree with you. I think my neighbor means well and you described her perfectly. She is very pushy!!! I've been having trouble finding the right words to express my feelings since Bob's death. I find it so frustrating because expressing myself in writing used to come so naturally for me. I hope, given enough time, this problem will "fix" itself. I'm so sorry you've had to deal with pushy people too. I don't think I would have been able to understand how anyone could want to be alone so much of the time either, if Bob hadn't passed away. However, unlike my neighbor, I would skip the comparisons, and would take no for an answer the first time. My neighbors who live directly across the street from me, are her best friends. The wife is super pushy, like the woman who invited me Thanksgiving dinner, but her husband is a super nice guy.
The pushy neighbor who lives across the street from me went way past crossing any sort of boundaries when Bob was very sick, just a few months away from dying. She and I were never close, but we always exchanged greetings, and sometimes very casual conversation when we saw each other. Prior to the arrival of Bob's hospital bed, I called my next door neighbor and asked him if he either knew of someone who could use the sleeper sofa that was in the guest bedroom, but mentioned to him that the mattress was very uncomfortable, so if someone was interested in it, to be sure to tell them. The sofa was comfortable, just not the pullout bed. If no one wanted it, I told him to donate it to Habitat for Humanity. He has a large pickup truck. I also asked him, along with a few other men in my neighborhood, if they would move the couch into the garage. The husband of the pushy and nosy neighbor, who lives across the street from me, was one of the guys who came over to help. Only he didn't come alone. His pushy wife came with him. She said she was here to "oversee" the guys who were moving the sofa.
The day after my neighbors moved the sofa, Bob's hospital bed arrived. It was another cold, rainy day. The same pushy and nosy neighbor, and her husband, must have seen the truck at my house, and saw me on the driveway talking to the delivery person. As soon as the delivery person got in his truck and drove off, the wife came over before I could get back inside. She immediately told me that Bob should have hospice care, that she could hook me up with a really good hospice provider, and that she did volunteer work for a hospice before moving here. I politely thanked her for her concern and told her that this is a very personal decision, that it is up to Bob as to what he wants to do. I told her that he wants to remain at home. She didn't give up. She kept telling me all the reasons she could think of why hospice would be the best choice for Bob. Of course, I had already thought about everything she had to say. WTF (excuse my language, but I need the strongest words I can think of here!!!) was she thinking??? She hardly knew either of us, and even if we had wanted to discuss hospice care with someone, it definitely wouldn't have been her, TU!!! This is such a personal choice, TU!!! I didn't want to, but I started crying in front of her. It was a difficult enough day to begin with, she was the last person in the world I wanted to have to deal with. Her husband must have realized that we had been standing on my driveway for a long time, in the cold rain that had slowed down to a miserable drizzle. He looked at me, and said he was sorry, he knew that it was a very difficult day for me and that he would pray for both Bob and me. He said to his wife that he thought I looked like I was freezing and they should leave so I could get back inside to where it was warm. As she was walking down my driveway she said for me to think about what she said. She wanted me to call her. Stopping here, I know you "get" it.!!!
Backing up a bit, Bob and I talked about hospice many times in the past. Bob didn't want hospice. Although I think that at home hospice would have been the best choice, I respected his decision. It was his life. He had the right to decide how to spend whatever time he had left on this earth. I did everything I could to make sure he got the best care he possibly could, and did the very best I could to respect each and every one of the choices he made. In the end, I couldn't give him his final wish, an ambulance to transport him out of that local hospital and bring him to the large hospital in the city, the one where all of his providers were, the place where he would have been able to die with as much dignity as possible, and where he would have been made as comfortable as possible. Rationally I know I did the very best I could to get him out of that horrible community hospital, but it still hurts so very much... I couldn't do that one last thing for him. Stopping here. I can't stop crying...
Thank you so much for "listening." The words seemed to type themselves. I'm having a really difficult day and they just seem to be getting more difficult the closer we are to Thanksgiving. I know the anniversary of Ron's death is on the 19th. I know you're struggling too. I haven't reached the one year anniversary of Bob's death yet, so I don't know exactly how I'll feel on that day, but I can only imagine how unbelievably difficult the 19th will be for you. I hope your daughter will be able to spend the day with you, unless you just need to be alone. I'm so glad you have Teddy in your life, especially on the days when you need to be alone.
Thank you for the good wishes regarding my chrome book. If I'm not around as often as I usually am for awhile, it's because of my over the top slow chrome book. I think it's taken me almost an hour to type this, but I needed to "talk." Thanks again for "listening."
Although there are still lots of leaves on the trees around here, my yard is buried in them. I'm going to do some raking, weeding, and some much needed clean up outside this afternoon. Hoping my neighbors across the street aren't home. They like to sit on their driveway, facing my driveway. The husband usually reads, but the wife spends way too much time watching what's happening on our street.
Speaking of what's going on, I need to catch up here, but will probably do it later on this afternoon. I hope you're doing okay today, that you have at least one reason to LMSO...
As always, sending lots of hugs to you and Teddy, wishing you peace, all of us peace. DEB
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