Sudden and unexpected

Thank you Lou,
I’m trying to just keep her out of my life at the moment. She think she knows everything. For a while I felt like I broke a promise I made to my Mom. But I know she’d understand.
My biggest concern would be that she writes me something so full of venom that I’d feel worse. She has to have the last word. That’s how she is. Thank you. Your support means a lot.
❤️ Robin

[

 

Patti,

I'm reading these messages way out of order, just read what you said to Robin, and I believe those blinking lights on your neighbor's porch were a sign from Jack too. He is watching over you... Although so bittersweet, it's making me smile, knowing that Jack helped you make it through a very difficult day.

As always, sending you hugs, wishing you peace, all of us peace. DEB

 

Robin,

I'm so sorry you have to deal with your sister in law because of your brother. I don't understand how anyone can be as clueless as she is... Families can be the absolute worst, TU!!! However, I'm so glad you cut off all ties with your sister. I know I did the right thing by cutting off all ties with my sister too. Sometimes I used to feel guilty about it, but then I remember all the reasons why I did it, and I'm happy I decided to do this. I only wish I had done it sooner than I did.

Thank you so much for telling me that Teddy is back outside, happily playing in his yard. You made me smile, a really big "real" smile... I wish I could pick him up and just cuddle him...

Like you, I'm sorry you're having issues too, but like you said, it isn't just one of us who is having problems with this site since the reboot. Hopefully they will be able to fix it ASAP!!! So many of us depend on it for the kind of support that only we can give each other.

I hope you and every one of TGW is able to get some quality sleep tonight. Lack of sleep just makes life so much harder...

As always, sending you and Teddy lots of hugs, wishing you peace, all of us peace. DEB

 

Deb, you hit the nail right on or however that phase goes. Good night, sleep well, K

 

Lou,

Read your message to Robin and have to reply. I'm so glad you learned "not to take any crap from people who have absolutely no idea what it's like to lose the love of one's life." I read that part in the Widower's Notebook" more than once. Gary once asked me if I was a people pleaser. I had to think about this for awhile. I was brought up to always put others needs before my own. I always tried to avoid hurting anyone else's feelings. I was a "good girl," as my parents used to tell me when I was young. I was too "good" of a girl for my own good. I think I mentioned that while I knew my parents loved me, they had absolutely no idea what conditional love was. I think this is why I became somewhat of a people pleaser. However, with age and experience, I refuse to take "crap" from anyone too, TU!!!

Most recently, although this is somewhat on, somewhat off topic, my next door neighbor invited me to Thanksgiving dinner and said that while she knew I wasn't comfortable in big gatherings yet, she assured me that only neighbors, people I know, will be invited. I thanked her for her kind invitation and for how thoughtful it was for her to think of me, but told her that I am not able to celebrate the holidays this year. At first, she wouldn't take no for an answer. She kept telling me she understood (she was divorced and spent many years on her own, alone, before she met her second husband) how I was feeling. What??? How the F*CK!!! (Sorry, I hate to admit this, but I also use this word, but mostly when I just feel really strongly about something) can she possibly understand what it's like to lose your "person," the one true love of your life. Backing up a bit, she had a very difficult marriage and felt nothing but relief when it ended. Of course, I have no idea what it feels like to go through a divorce, and I'm sure it was difficult for her even though she wanted it so badly, but how can this possibly compare to the death of your "person???" I repeated that while I appreciated the invitation, I'm not able to join her and our neighbors for Thanksgiving dinner this year. She was relentless. She wouldn't give up. She said that if I should change my mind, she would gladly take out another plate and pull up another chair. I thanked her again, and said that under different circumstances, I would have enjoyed celebrating Thanksgiving dinner at her home. She still didn't give up!!! Before I had a chance to say goodbye and hang up, she said I should come over later on, just for pie. I know she meant well, but she doesn't "get" it. I hope she will never have to "get" it, TU!!! Years ago, I probably would have at least showed up for dessert, but would never go empty handed, so would have spent time making a dessert, and probably would have bought them a bottle of brandy, amaretto, or a dessert wine too, even though my heart wasn't into going, and I knew ahead of time I was going to be miserable. I would have been angry at myself, just like Jonathan Santlofer would be angry with himself later.

I hope you had a good day, maybe filled with a few new adventures...

I hope that you, and all of TGW, are able to get some much needed quality sleep tonight, TU!!!

As always, sending you hugs, wishing you peace, all of us peace. DEB

 

P.S. Meant to say unconditional, not conditional>

 

Gary,

Thanks for the laugh, I never thought of expletives as "colorful adjectives" before... Your messages always give me something to think about...

I hope your meeting was a good one...

Hope you and all of TGW manage to get some quality sleep tonight, TU!!!

As always, sending you hugs, wishing you peace, all of us peace. DEB

 

Karen, if it weren't for the intense heat in
the summer, Linda & I would have moved
to Texas or Florida, where we would find
more likeminded people. I know that
many Californians have fled, in disgust, to
these 2 states, & others, for a better and
freer way of life . Before Linda went into
the hospital, we made train reservations to
Orlando, Florida, where we thought we'd
rent for a year. It was a sad day in the
hospital, when Linda turned to me and
asked me to cancel. Maybe that's why I
have a strong belief in the saying, "He who
hesitates, is lost". I try not to engage in
coulda, woulda, shoulda, bc I know, deep
down that Linda would have died, anyway.
But, I wonder if she would've been
happier thinking we were starting a new
adventure together. That's why I hope you,
Deb, George Gary, & others can find a
better place to live, bc almost none of you
like where you live now. Lou

 

Bravo, my feisty friend, Deb, who will no
longer take any crap!! I must admit that I
laughed in sympathy, when you cried out,
"WTF" !!! One day, when Kim was driving
me to the supermarket, another driver
cut her off, and Kim, for the first time, let
loose a loud, exasperated "WTF". I laughed
and said I never heard her use that word.
She looked at ne, smiled, and said, "you
should see me at home!!". Lou

 

Lou, it's hard to pick up and move to another state leaving my daughter, sister and husband, my cousins and a couple of friends at my age. But, I'm keeping my mind open. Florida or Texas is out for weather. California's are moving to Oregon raising cost of living and housing. Reno, Carson Valley, Nevada the same thing. So, I'm in limbo. I hope Deb, George and Gary find a better place too.

 

Thank you so much for answering me
tonight, Deb. We TGW are filled with
questions about the direction of our
grief journey. I know that I"m the lucky
one

in this group, bc I love where I live, and I
like most of the people I meet. My biggest
regret is that Linda didn't live to join me in
"The Promised Land". My only consolation
is that she knew we were finally "home",
as she put it, after years of being in places
we didn't like, bc of work, and "family
obligations". What a waste. But, I know
that Linda was happy for me, when I
showed her the brochure of the winter
motel, overlooking the ocean, where I
was hoping Linda would be with me
while we looked for an apartment. Lou

 

Patti, Not only did you get a sign but your neighbor witnessed it. Thank you for sharing. I love it. Those signs mean so much. Sorry you had a difficult day, but glad you had that sign to help you through.
Everyone has been so caring about Teddy. Thank you. He had a good day today. What kind of dog do you have. They’re our best friend and best support. And they go through grief too. The night Ron passed at one point he was laying on the bathroom floor, and Teddy was all over him. I had a hard time getting him off of Ron. And poor Ted got locked in the kitchen for the paramedics to come in and then we all left. I know he was confused. How would we get through the day without them.
❤️Robin

 

Lou,
You’re right, if I should get anything from her I should treat it like junk mail. Both my brothers would say something like that too. She has hurt me so deeply, even writing and sharing how she treated me makes me cry. She’s my sister for crying out loud. That’s what I keep saying to myself. I could never do that to her, what she’s done to me. Ron used to protect me from her. He’d step in and tell her to stop. Now it’s just me, so she remains blocked. She has most definitely hurt my healing process. She added so much to what I was struggling with already. I see that you do totally understand the family issues and you’ve been there yourself. I’m sorry that happened to you too. It I believe you’ve come to terms with it. And I’m happy for you. And let’s just say that my sister in law isn’t the sharpest pencil in the box. But you figured that out already. It’s not rocket science to figure out if someone lost their spouse, they’re struggling and need compassion.
That’s what we all get here. Heading to bed, hopefully get some sleep.
❤️Robin.
I’ll answer more tomorrow.

 

Karen, when I woke up at 6:30am, my
time,today, I realized that I replied to
Deb, late last night, when I meant to reply
to you about moving. I know that I'm the
luckiest of TGW, bc I love where I live, and
like most of the people I see. But, it was a
long road to get to this point. Linda & I
lived in many inland places, bc of our
work & "family obligations". We didn't put
ourselves first. Our priority should've been
to find a place by the sea, where I live now.
My biggest sadness is that Linda didn't get
to join me in " The Promised Land". My
only consolation is she knew we were
finally "home",as she put it. I sbowed her
a brochure of the winter motel, where I
wanted her to stay with me until we
found an apartment, like the one I live in now. When spring arrived, I was forced
to move out before the summer tourists
came. I found an apartment, and asked a
friend to help me move, bc I felt like a
zombie. I just hope you never have to feel
trapped & depressed again like you were,
during the wildfires & smoke, which will
most likely happen again. Lou

 

Deb, I just read about your neighbor inviting you for Thanksgiving and pushing you to say you’d join them. Other then her comparison to a divorce snd a loss, which is nothing short of ridiculous. I’ve experienced that too. I think she is concerned. I think she means well but she’s not offering it up in a way that feels like she’s concerned. She’s being pushy. People don’t realize that sometimes being alone is the only way to go. I’m sorry you had to keep saying no time snd time again. But I’m glad you didn’t let her talk you into anything. You’re the only one who knows what will and won’t feel ok. I know you know all that but just wanted to reiterate that she just doesn’t get it. One invite would suffice being pressured just makes the no more definite.
I also read that your son feels your chrome book might be the issue. I’m sorry. I hope that’s not the case.
Try to have a positive day. ❤️ Robin

 

We need to return to a sense of balance. The society is disharmoniously tipping toward too much extremism. Peace is needed and calm and true mindfulness. N'L'Kech!

 

Car was just standard maintenance!!! Under $100... YAY I say. Big day of house stuff yesterday. A lot of showings so I wasn't home much. I was so exhausted! Did errands and stuff.

I am so annoyed (on your behalf) hearing about the divorced neighbor and not taking NO for an answer! Why can't people just respect a respectful no. I guess they don't know how to act. Most people haven't had their eyes opened and lives changed through the death of their soulMate best friend etc... peace and hugz!!!!

N'Lakech! Deb!

 

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!