Sudden and unexpected

Patti, I put you on my calendar so I wouldn't forget this day 7th. I'm right with you in spirit. May this day be filled with good memories and the sorrow ones fading. Blessings to you Patti, Karen

 

Gary,

As always, you have such a wonderful way of being able to express yourself in words. I bet your gut feeling is right. What a beautiful way of viewing life and death...

Backing up just a bit, I can "almost" picture you walking back to that deserted parking lot, alone, after saying your final goodbye to Cheryl... After I said my final goodbye to Bob, I walked back to my car alone too. I was the only one in the parking lot. Most of the parking spaces that were filled, were reserved for people who work at the hospital. It was a chilly start to the day. I was so cold... I was dressed in only a tee shirt, pair of shorts, and flip flops... I couldn't stop crying... Everything seemed so surreal...

My heart goes out to you today. The sixth month anniversary of Bob's death was on November 11th. I remember feeling like it was some sort of a milestone, like I should be farther along in this miserable healing process than I was. I knew this was irrational, but I couldn't help feeling this way. Feelings are feelings, we need to accept them and work with them, instead of beating myself up the way I did. I was angry and sad at the same time, angry at myself for not being stronger than I am, again irrational thinking, and also sad.... Sad because I want more than anything else in this world for Bob to be proud of me. My main reason for getting up every day and trying as hard as I can to move forward, is because I want Bob to be proud of me. I'm not sure if you have any of the same feelings today, on the sixth month anniversary of Cheryl's death, but I hope you realize how strong you are, how far along you've progressed in this miserable healing process, from that final goodbye to Cheryl, the one true love of your life, and that cold, lonely walk back to your car afterwards. I know Cheryl would be very proud of you today.

Sending lots of extra hugs your way today, wishing you peace, all of us peace. DEB

P.S. I think I read somewhere, but forgot about it until now, that you thought it might help me if I gave up the melatonin and tried to fall asleep naturally. I always appreciate and welcome all advice. I promise!!! I will not be offended by anything you say to me, even if you think it's going to be something very difficult for me to hear. It's a good feeling knowing I have friends here who care enough about me to offer advice. Backing up a bit, although I want to stop taking melatonin, right now, especially being so close to Christmas and Thanksgiving, I just don't feel strong enough to be able to work on this. I'm also considering taking Karen up on her suggestion to try (??) can't remember the name of it at the moment, but I know it starts with a "V." After the holiday season is over, I want to try to stop taking any sort of OTC sleeping product.

 

Hi Gary , thank you so much for your prayers, I
pray today will be better for you, my heart feels
everyones pain through this journey.
Jack and I were married 37 years when he was
diagnosed with PD, I was 54, he was 57. The
PD was progressive, I encouraged him to take
early retirement, three months later his Dr. placed
a sticky note in palm of my hand saying Parkinson’s ?
it was a bit later DX was confirmed. Those last
24 years, our lives together, were what was dealt to us,
we together struggled many a day and night but we
got through them, with God helping us each moment
and step along the way. Jack fell and had traumatic
Brain injury nine years prior to his passing, he
couldn’t get rehab because drs said he’d never get
beyond three simple word sentence, he was in ICU
for two weeks, the nurse told me at first I was
allowed to see him for ten minutes several times
a day. I refused that and let them know I was going
to stay, the head nurse got ok from dr. I stayed
with him almost constantly. He was put I tomography
after leaving icu, that very early morning a cardiologist came
rushing into the room grabbed the bed, pulling
it into cardiac surgery, due to the brain injury
it had affected his heart, there was no time to prepare
papers needed to do the surgery crept for me to give
ok for pacemaker. The. Cardiologist did a dual
Pacemaker. I was to have taken him home that
morning, the cardiologist told me later that
there. would have been no time for anyone to have
gotten Jack back to the hospital. The dr. Proceeded
to tell me he woke up early and decided to come to the
hospital at four thirty a.m. and while checking on
his patients saw the monitoring on what was going on
with Jack, he never ever had any problem with his heart,
it was caused from TBI, Dr. said his waking up early
and going to the hospital was act from God.
I’ve never talked about this, thanks Gary to you and
others here, I see it helps to get this all out.
Will be back another time. God bless you each
& Everyone here. Blessings, Patti

 

Patti,

So sorry I'm getting here so late today. I wasn't feeling well from lack of sleep and have been dragging all morning. Even though I wasn't around earlier, I've been thinking about you..., praying for you..., and hoping with all my heart, that you will find a little comfort in knowing how much all of TGW love and care about you.

I can't even begin to imagine how difficult today is for you as November 11th was only the sixth month anniversary of Bob's death. I struggled so much that day, was so physically and emotionally drained... Today, on the anniversary of Jack's death, please take care of yourself the very best you can. Reach out to us if you want/need to. We will always be here for you...

Sending you lots of extra hugs, wishing you peace, all of us peace. DEB

 

Thank you Karen , bless you.
Love and hugs to you. Patti

 

Karen, just read your kind comment to
Patti, on this sad Nov 7 day. You have a
special bond with Patti, which is a joy
to see.I woke up too early this am, and
didn't take advantage of gaining one
more hour of sleep bc of Daylight
Saving Time. I have to take a midday
half hour nap now. It seems there's a
lot of posts & replies. including frop
new members, so I will have to respond
later. Lou

 

Thanks Deb, I replied in Gary’s posting, finding from
reading others postings that it’s better to speak with others.
and know others here understand. Hopefully it will help me.
It’s been five years today 3:00 pm calif time .
Sending hugs, and love. Praying for you and all of us here through
This journey. Blessings, patti

 

Deb, I just thanked Karen for reaching
out to Patti today. on the sad anniversary
of Jack's death. November is a particularly
sad month for Patti, Karen, you, & me.
We TGW have to lift each other up, when
we stumble & fall. After Linda died, I
would weep , listening to ANY song, but
especially Lean on Me, by the late Bill
Withers. As I told Karen, I woke up way
too early, & have to take a midday, half
hour nap now. I will try to catch up on
the many posts & replies, including from
new members, tonight. So sorry you didn't
sleep well, Deb. "See you later". Lou

 

Deb, it's Valerian Root in capsules. It's comparable to melatonin. There is, also, Valerian Tea if you can find it. Have you tried sleepytime tea? Not as potent, but may be a help if you want to try to sleep naturally.

 

Patti,

I cried when I read this, and am still crying... You have endured so much pain..., so much heartache during those 24 years. Although Bob had so many chronic health conditions and eventually I had to become his full time caregiver, from the time of Bob's first diagnosis, diabetes, in 2005, to the time of his last diagnosis, Parkinsons, in 2020 (although we suspected he had it much earlier this), it was only from February 3, 2009, the day he suffered a major heart attack forward that I began really worrying about him. In 2015, he had all the classic signs of kidney cancer, but his doctor missed every single one of them. It was from this time forward to his death this past April, that I had to begin doing more and more things for him. In the beginning of 2018, I became his full time caregiver. I can't even begin to imagine how you made it through 24 years of chronic stress... all the worrying..., the unbearable pain..., of watching Jack, the man you loved, and still love with all your heart, watching his health continue to spiral downwards. I hope you had the support of family and friends, even though they couldn't possibly understand how you were feeling...

Your story is a story that goes way beyond true love. Although Jack can't be here physically with you, he is watching over you. I know you believe in signs like I do, and I hope you receive a sign from Jack today...

As always, sending you hugs, wishing you peace, all of us peace. DEB

 

Lou,

I'm having internet issues again today, the reason I haven't responded to any of your messages from me. I miss "talking" to you, and will be back when I have at least a bit better service. I'm going to call my son. I hope he can help me. Until then, just know, as always, I'm thinking about you... hoping you have at least one, but hopefully more than one reason to LMSO today...

So much more I want to say to you, but it's going to have to wait. For now, just know that I will be here for you on November 19th. My heart goes out to you... I can't even begin to imagine how difficult the third year anniversary of Linda's death is. Reading Patti's story made me cry... Knowing that the anniversary of Linda's death will be here so soon, has me in tears too... I'm just an emotional mess, TU!!!

Sending lots of extra hugs your way..., as always, wishing you peace, all of us peace. DEB

 

Karen,

Thank you!!! Having internet issues again, so am keeping this short.

As always, sending you hugs, wishing you peace, all of us peace. DEB

 

Deb, I miss you, too. As Jonathan says,
I feel "unmoored" when I don"t hear from
you, my OTHER "soulmate". Linda & you
would've been best friends. She didn't
have a sister, . her female work "friends"
let her down She became bitter &
depressed at the rehab unit. Aside from
me, she liked her nurse, Alice, who treated
her as a friend, about her age. After
Linda died, I ran into Alice at an outside
bar. We hugged, & she said she was in
shock the day Linda collapsed. Most Alice's
patients were in their 80s & 90s, in the
nursing home. I'm OK,this year, Deb, as
opposed to Past years when I felt all
alone, drank to numb my pain, was in a
psychiatric unit 5 times. Now, I have a
network of supportive people, both on&of
GIC. Thank you so much for worrying and
caring about me. My mission is to
comfort you & others, and to welcome
new members who joined after the
reboot, We ate stronger together. Lou

 

Gary,

I was going back and rereading messages trying to see which ones I missed now that we're no longer getting alerts. I realized that when I replied to this message earlier today, I told you that November 11,was the sixth month anniversary of Bob's death. I must have that widow foggy brain thing to the max because the sixth month anniversary of Bob's death was on October 11th. I can't believe that the seventh month anniversary will be here so soon!!! Nothing is the same since Bob died, not even my concept of time. Sometimes it feels like he passed away yesterday, but other times it feels almost as if he had just died. All I can say is grieving SUCKS BIG TIME, TU!!!

I hope today is going better than you probably expected it would. I hope in spite of this being the sixth month anniversary of Cheryl's death, you have at least one reason to LMSO, or at least smile...

As always, sending you hugs, wishing you peace, all of us peace. DEB

 

Patti I’ve had a cakewalk compared to what you’ve been through. Oh my goodness you are such a loyal and loving wife with an abundance of spirituality. I Imagine you have some peace though. no more suffering and Jack has a brand new healthy body in heaven. Deb our stories are so similar. I do hope that I make Cheryl proud of the way I live out the rest of my life. Like everyone else we always wanted the best for each other. I do think Cheryl would be disappointed if she saw me constantly grieving with no direction and purpose in life. When I get into the mourning process I tell Cheryl don’t worry about me this is just something I have to go through and it’s going to take time. Deb I started taking melatonin again to get off the Ambien. I’m three days off it and I’m not going back. I was referring to going solo by not using any type of antidepressant. That’s why I asked if you would consider going non-solo for a couple months to see if it would make you feel better. I been taking bupropion for years. I got off of it a couple years ago but because of the loss of Cheryl I’ve had to get back on it. There’s a new person named Allison on loss of spouse. By accident I saw her post. Because of the way this site is working now new threads aren’t going to the top of the page. When I tried to find her thread again it took me forever to figure it out. there are new people we aren’t seeing new threads appear like before. I’m getting stressed out trying to write all this. I’ll get back on later. Gary

 

Lou, gotcha. Did you see it?

Yes, it's your mission and you do a super, fantastic, loving, caring, topnotch job. You are the godfather of this group, newbies, oldies and midway grievers.

 

Lou,

Still having internet issues on and off. My son is helping students with a project today. Tonight he needs to work on one of his own projects. He is teaching all day tomorrow. He gave me the same advice Robin gave me, but I'm afraid to unplug the modem unless he is on the phone with me. As Robin said to me yesterday, the internet is a life line. I don't know how I would survive a day without it, especially if I couldn't visit with TGW, TU!!! So, long story short, I'm going to have to wait until tomorrow night to talk to him. We made plans to talk at 5 p.m. my time.

My son and I are also thinking about doing a mini getaway at a very scenic place in Georgia during Christmas. He knows how difficult this holiday season is for me, and thinks this would be a good way to for the two of us to spend some quality time together this year... no tree, no decorating at all, no cards, no cooking or baking. I think if we decide to take this mini getaway, it would make Bob proud and also happy. The only problem is that the place we're thinking of going to is an island, so I would be surrounded by the ocean with ocean views just steps away from where we are thinking of staying. Bob and I didn't have a chance to visit this island, so it is totally free from memories.

However, I think it will still be difficult for me to travel without Bob. In approximately 35 years, there was only one time I took a trip without him. I went to visit our oldest son who was living in Atlanta, Ga at the time. Unfortunately, Bob couldn't escape from work, so I went alone. I remember a few days before Bob was going to drop me off at the airport, we went to the mall. It was a quick trip, we had plans for dinner that night, so we went in different directions to pick up the things we needed. When we met each other half an hour later, Bob handed me a bag. The forecast predicted a wet weekend in Atlanta so he bought me several new umbrellas. He said he wasn't sure which jackets I would be taking, so he bought two, one to match each of the jackets he thought I might take. I always had this thing where my clothes, jackets, shoes, and purses were always color coordinated, so he decided to expand on this. We both laughed. It was one of those "inside jokes" that Robin "talked" about the other day. Just thinking about this day is making me teary eyed... I don't know why, but whenever I "talk" to you, I always seem to get sidetracked, the memories just start flowing... Now, all so bittersweet. Thank you so much for being such a good "listener..."

Lou, thinking about what you said, I feel "unmoored" too when days go by and we can't catch up with each other. You made me teary eyed when you said Linda and I would have been best friends. I wish so much we could have been... Backing up a bit, don't feel badly, you only made me teary eyed in the best of ways. I know how much you loved, and still love Linda, and to say that the two of us would have been best friends is a very big compliment. Thank you... I think the four of us, you and Linda, Bob and I, would have had so much fun spending time together... I can picture the four of us, having a long leisurely dinner, surrounded by the ocean, enjoying not only great food, beautiful views, but also the best conversations... I'm positive you and Bob would keep Linda and I laughing most of the evening, TU!!! Backing up just a bit, I'm guessing Linda and I would keep the two of you laughing lots too, another TU!!!

I'm so glad that you're okay this year, as the third anniversary of Linda's death is approaching. I'm very glad that you have a network of supportive people both on line and in person. I think this is so important for healing, TU!!!... not having to go through this alone, and feeling as lonely. While I truly value my GIC friends, and am very grateful for my friends at "home," who try as hard as they can to be supportive, I know, for my emotional well being, I need to find more in person support. I feel very fortunate to have a really good friend who lives a couple streets away from me, who truly "gets" it, but the support of just one in person friend isn't enough. I used to be such an outgoing person, but right now, I just don't have the energy to get out there and make more friends, and also to (hopefully) be able to increase my in person support network. I've been invited to holiday gatherings here, but have turned them all down as nicely as I possibly can. I have to do what works for me this year. Going out, spending time with acquaintances, having to "fake" being happy, just isn't for me. I know I should never use the word "can't," but this is how I feel.

You have worked so hard..., to get to where you are now. I'm always amazed at all that you've gone through, all of the pain and suffering... and how hard you fought to make a better life for yourself. You are one of the strongest and most determined persons I know. I think that all of your past experiences, no matter how horrible they were, have helped to make you one of the most caring, kind, and understanding persons I know too. You have a really big heart, and a gift for not only wanting to help, but for being able to help others make it through the darkest days of their lives. When you said this is now your purpose in life, not believing in coincidences, I believe it was meant to be.

Still sort of on, sort of off topic, I believe that there was a reason why you met those two women Friday. I know that you will do whatever you can to help them. This is making me smile... This widow foggy brain thing really SUCKS!!!, TU!!! I don't remember all the details of that message you sent me earlier today, but will go back and reread it. However, I think one of the persons you met, got married young, has three children and has many regrets about her past choices. I loved the way you said, grief is grief. You are so right. Each person's situation is heartbreaking for them, and needs the support of caring friends. I hope the other woman, the one you're having breakfast with on Friday, although expecting the worst, gets good news from her doctor...

Right now I think I could "talk" nonstop for much longer, (Bob wouldn't let this one get by him, TU!!!), but I want to be able to send this without having to edit and delete parts of it. I really hated it, TU!!! when one of my messages was too long to send.

As always, sending you hugs, wishing you peace, all of us peace. DEB

 

OK, wise ass Karen, Was it omitting "of", as
asinmost of Alice's patients?! I proofread
this reply to Deb, but CHOSE NOT to go
back & correct it. But, I'll be a good sport
and say you were observant, and "won"
that round. Did you watch the half hour
shows of Mr. Bean, from the U.K.? He
dropped out of the sky, and tried to fit
into British society, but he was childishly
competitive, which did him in sometimes.
But, this is all small stuff, compared to
the praise you gave me for being a leader.
I think there a few of us here, incl.you. L

 

Gary,

I really hate taking drugs, although I know sometimes they are so necessary. I greatly appreciate and value your advice. It's because of your advice that I'm going to do some serious thinking about whether or not I should try going non solo for awhile. This is another one of those TBC's...

After the reboot, this site has become so frustrating. I had no idea Allison joined us. I'm so glad you saw her post!!! It's a horrible feeling, being new, needing to reach out to others, and not getting any responses... , TU!!! Lou told me he's been trying to help several new people too. If my internet service isn't too slow tonight, I will try to look for Allison's message, as well as the messages from the other new people. I think I'm still way behind responding to messages from TGW too. I will never take my internet service for granted again once it's back to "normal."

Having trouble with this s l o w service. Stopping here...

As always, sending you hugs, wishing you peace, all of us peace. DEB

 

Nope, not omitting "of". I'll give you a hint, last sentence. I think I'll stop this typo game. Kind of childless.

How's your eye, vision?

I did not watch Mr. Bean, never heard of him.