Sudden and unexpected

I just want a simple apartment. I've had almost 30 years of being responsible for raking, shovelings, mowing, ridiculously expensive repairs, maintenance! I'm so done with that! As for eating I've always had such a big appetite! I( force myself to eat but it is hard. I don't understand how someone who was always hot and hungry could be so cold and non eating much. Since I have dialysis I have to really watch the liquid intake though. I'm always thirsty it seems! All the great messages on here do keep me going!

 

I can’t say that I blame you. Less to worry about. I do like your thinking. I’ve never felt cold in my life, always hot too hot. I don’t even understand this cold feeling. My hands are always hot and swollen from RA. They’re always cold now. That’s how I lost Rons wedding band. This grieving process is brutal. Shows you how much our hearts are aching. Losing so much weight and not wanting to eat. I try to make myself eat. Get protein in by way of eggs and chicken, fish. eat lots of salads, oatmeal. And plenty of water.
I’m tired of people asking how I’ve lost weight. They know I lost Ron. I really want to scream at them but I don’t. I just say you don’t want to lose the way I did.
Just keep on keeping on! ❤️ Robin

 

When I stood up and away from Cheryl the EMT yelled I have a heartbeat. I have never witnessed an all out effort like that from first responders. I thought to myself really? Hope against all odds. At the hospital They tried what they called the cooling down and warming up process where they lowered Cheryl‘s body temperature to 91.4 and then gradually brought it up to normal. Cheryl was wrapped up like a white cocoon with a turban on her head. I kept thinking Cheryl was going to metamorphosisize into a beautiful butterfly. Cheryl could no longer breathe on her own and there was no activity in the brain. Neurology wanted to do more testing. I made somewhat of a scene. I yelled out who do I have to talk to you to give my beautiful vegetated girlfriend a decent death? I got instant results. The look I’ll never forget came 2 1/2 to 3 hours after Cheryl had passed. It was the look of Vishnu and like Cheryl had achieved nirvana. The heart doctor got even with me though. he held onto the death certificate for about four weeks before signing off. everything ended up working out because we scattered Cheryl’s remains on summer solstice. I read the children’s story beyond the ridge by Paul Goebel. We burned sage and left some bluejay feathers and a arrowhead with Cheryl. If everything goes according to plan I will join Cheryl at the same spot. I’m Trying to get some last-minute winterization stuff done now. What a beautiful day. Gary

 

Gary,

Your story is so sad..., yet so very beautiful too... As soon as I read it, I started crying. I can't stop crying... I can't even begin to imagine how you felt when the EMT yelled that he had a heartbeat... Hope, only to be taken away... The strength and courage you had to get the medical staff to stop prolonging the inevitable... It was time for Cheryl to leave this earth. You gave Cheryl one last gift, the best gift you could give her... the gift of being able to leave this earth as peacefully as possible... with you, the love of her life, beside her, as she took her last breath, and left her body behind... As hard as this must have been for you, at the same time, it must have been so comforting to see that look on Cheryl's face, that look that told you she was no longer suffering, that she was finally at peace.

I love how you chose to say good bye to Cheryl... I believe with all my heart, that someday, you and Cheryl will be together again...

As always, sending you hugs, wishing you peace, all of us peace. DEB

 

Robin,

I read this yesterday, but couldn't reply. I can't believe how totally insensitive your sister in law is!!!, totally clueless!!! It is impossible for me to understand how she could possibly say she's jealous of the weight you've lost, and ask you if you feel healthier... What planet is she from? I hope with all my heart she never loses weight because her world suddenly shatters in the same way your world shattered. I wouldn't wish this total heartbreak on my very worst enemy!!!, TU!!!

Backing up just a bit, even before I lost Bob, way before we knew how sick he really was, although I had absolutely no idea what it was like to lose the one person who you never thought you would be able to live without, even back then, I would have been able to understand that weight loss under these circumstances is the result of unbearable pain. I better get off my soapbox before I really get going. I'm just so sorry that you have a sister in law who seems to be lacking any sort of empathy.

Stress invades every part of us, negatively affecting our health both mentally and physically, and also altering our appearances in so many negative ways... I'm so sorry that both you and Karen have experienced hair loss as a result of all of this chronic stress. I've lost hair too. I remember the first time I took a shower, and there were clumps of hair on top of the drain. I have thyroid disease that has been in remission for years. One of the first signs that sent me to the doctor before I got the diagnosis was hair loss. When I started losing hair again, I thought my thyroid disease was no longer in remission. My doctor ordered blood work, but all of my lab results were normal. She told me it was probably caused by all the extreme stress I was under. I started taking biotin even though she doesn't think this will help. I'm so happy for you, that your hair is growing back. I don't think that mine is falling out as much as it was a few months ago. You've given me hope that this will eventually stop.

I'm so sorry that yesterday was such a difficult day for you. I hope today was much better than yesterday, that you had at least one reason to LMSO...

I hope and pray that every one of TGW is able to get some sleep tonight...

As always, sending you and Teddy hugs, wishing you peace, all of us peace. DEB

 

Thank you Deb. Your last thread was so beautiful it brought tears of joy. In Cheryl’s obituary she referred to me as the love of her life. You nailed it. Six hours after Cheryl passed I walked her to the elevator and said my final goodbye. My vehicle was the only one left in the parking lot. I remember crossing the parking lot and it was so cold. That was the Friday before Mother’s Day weekend. Cheryl’s facial expression of Vishnu Will be etched in my mind Forever. Like the cowardly lion in the Wizard of Oz. I believe in ghosts. I do. I believe in ghosts. I do believe in ghosts. I believe it the spirit world for sure. The Buddhist believe death is the most important part of life because that’s when you transfer your karma to others. Cheryl was godmother to one of her nieces who was pregnant at the time. I have a gut feeling that’s where Cheryl‘s karma went. For all the bitter that is so sweet. Gary

 

HI DEB AND ALL TGW FRIENDS,
I STARTED THIS POSTING EARLIE ITS
NOW THE 7 TH. I SEEM TO BE AT A LOSS
FOR WORDS.. I WILL COME BACK AND
POST LATER. HUGS AND PRAYERS
TO YOU ALL.
THANKS FOR YOUR PRAYERS.
BLESSINGS, PATTI

 

Deb, woke up to Sinatra's favorite song,
One for my baby, when he sang., " It's
quarter to 3......". I told Linda Bs, a new
member, that since Linda's death 3 years
ago, I've discovered my purpose in life. to
give comfort to others, as I've been
comforted. I had 2 emotional encounters
on Friday, with 2 different women. The
first , Jen, I met in a coffee shop. She was
outgoing & had a hearty laugh, but I
detected a hint of sadness in her eyes. I was right, bc later that day, I ran into her,
& she was starting to cry. She said she was
about to see her therapist. Jen had married
young ( about 50 now) & had 3 children,
all adults now, She cried every am over a
life lost. There are different causes for
grief, but grief is grief. I told her about
Linda, & we've formed a bond. Later,a woman, Joyce, surprised me by pulling
up a chair, & sitting across from me. I had
met her, with boyfriend, at Shack. She, too,
had been happy that night, but I sensed a
sadness, again, over health issues. I was
unfortunately correct again. She, too,
started to cry, bc she had just been given a
possibly scary diagnosis. I put her hand in
mine, and said that, unlike my wife,
Joyce had a positive attitude, a strong
belief in God ( Linda was angry at God),
and was very health conscious about her
diet & exercise. She wanted to meet for
breakfast next Fri. I gave her my number
so she could text me about the time. I said
that I would pray for her. Lou




.

 

Patti, my heart goes out to you on this
Sunday morning of Nov. 7th, a very sad
anniversary for you. I pray for you to get
through this day as you've had before, and
rejoin The Grief Warriors, both to give,
and to receivecomfort in our mourning
for our spouses. Lou

 

Deb, Good Sunday morning. Now that I
pressed "unignore" (!) in regard to our
communication, we should be OK. I
must have done something by accident
after the reboot! I got sad when you said
you lost some hair, most likely due to
stress. When Linda was a girl, right
through college, she was a natural
blonde. By the time I met her, in our 40s,
she had it dyed, in such a professional
manner, that I didn't even know. In our
wedding photos, Linda had blonde, full
hair, & sparkly blue eyes. Over years of
stress, first with our parents, then, later,
poverty & homelessness, Linda aged
quickly. Due to an unhealthy diet and
lack of exercise, she put on too much
weight, developed diabetes, became more
sedentary and depressed about living in
our noisy. ( and nosy) apartment bldg. She
didn't care about her hair anymore. One
day, I noticed that her once beautiful
hair was sparse. She needed to walk with
a cane, then a walker. When she got her
new driving license, I had a sharp pain
when I saw her photo. She looked like a
very sad old woman.After Linda died, I
went through our photos, and put our
wedding photos in the closet. But, when I
saw the license photo, it broke my heart,
and I wept. I showed my grief counselor
& told her that I was planning to destroy
that photo. When I got home, I did. There
was no way in hell I ever wanted to see
that picture again. Linda hated it, and so
did I. It showed the worst times in our
life, while I'm trying to remember the
best times in our lives. Lou

 

DEAR PATTI, MY HEART GOES OUT TO YOU ALSO ON THIS DAY. TODAY IS CHERYL’S 6 MONTH DEATH ANNIVERSARY. PRAYERS AND HUGS TO YOU. THANK GOD WE ARE NOT ALONE AND HAVE EACH OTHER. WE SHARE EACH OTHER’S PAIN AND HOPE. I LOVE LOU FINDING HIS PURPOSE IN LIFE BY HELPING OTHERS. IT HELPS US MOVE AWAY FROM OURSELVES BY BEING CONCERNED ABOUT OTHER PEOPLE. WISHING YOU PEACE AND HOPING YOUR VISION WILL CONTINUE TO IMPROVE. LOVE YOU! GARY

 

I' m so preOccupied with selling this house and grieving that I haven't a clue what I'm doing.
I can't get on line as much because we have to keep hiding the internet cable because of house showings.
I used to respond to TGW messages through alerts but now when I try to it doesn't work so I need to scroll through all the messages on the post to try to find replies and stuff.
I am really trying to achieve some semblance of self control. I need to be more positive. Its so hard!
I like oatmeal and water! At least I can stomach it!
We just need to mindfully keep truckin' on!

 

Stress did the vexact thing with Valerie. I so get it. She didn't like pictures. I MISS HER!!!!!!!!!!!

 

For some reason after the ReBoot I'm having trouble getting to catch upon messages and the house sdelling means I can't internet whenever I want. The stipid cable needs to be put away for house showings. Itz so good to hear from you. I might not say a lot lately but I eagerly read all TGW messages and... I don't know. Juist like your Bob I was the same about Valerie. I'll always see that smile!

 

Greetings to TGW!
I wish all of you much peace and hope today. Hope is so important. When I feel hopeless it is so overwhelmingly depressing. Hope you get out and do something fun or at least distracting. With the selling-of-the-house stuff I don't get on line as much as I'd like. We need to keep hiding the internet cable for house showings. Try to be strong. At least there is a community here that cares. That is so important. That and really working at not thinking about all the bad. There is way too much bad out there at all levels and when grieving everything gets magnified. I think positivity attracts more positivity like anger and negativity just attract more bad mojo! I don't think this is easy these are the demons I battle every second of every day. And if your only companion (TB) is negative to the max... Itz even harder!
Everytime I try to be positive and encouraging I get shot down, argued with, ridiculed... as a Pollyanna Brightsider type who has no grasp of reality. I want to help him but don't know how to. Stress of moving is not good. I miss Valerie!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

Ok, I’m hoping I might be of some help here with finding messages. Sorry if I’m wrong. Doing this from memory which is foggy at best
Once you’re st the site, click on log in. Then to the left of log in account should show up. Click on that. And there’s a drop down to choose alerts. Click on that. Then all new messages and who sent them will be in a list. I’ll try to remember to take notice the next time I log in, in case I’m wrong on this. Plus the emails that you recieve should also take you to new postings.
And don’t worry about missing messages you have so much going on. But I also think or I guess I know that reading these messages is a positive and something to look forward to. Selling your home while grieving is a lot to process.
Sending you positive thoughts and prayers.
❤️ Robin

 

https://vm.tiktok.com/ZM8QmkyMT/

hope this brings a smile to you guys. Made me smile and for some reason cry. Relief that something was nice maybe. enjoy! Robin

 

Thank you Lou, I appreciate yours , everyone’s
prayers, my mind has been reliving that horrible
day, the last week in hospice ,the many years of his
suffering. I know Jack is in heaven now and all well.
I miss him every moment of everyday, we were so very
Blessed having each other, being one together.
I’ve yet to really speak of his last days maybe
someday I can. Looks I will be spending the day alone
with JayCee, am so thankful for her.
I am going to try to type for you all in small type,
spreading the type on my iPad for you and others.
Hug, prayers to you Lou, and all TGW.
Blessings, Patti

 

Hilarious, Robin, thank you! The song is
peppy, but the joyful. dogs make me
smile "big time , as Deb would say. Even
though I don't have a dog myself, by
vhoice, bc I'm out all day, I'm surrounded
by dogs in my town. Hope you & Teddy
have a marvelous day! Lou

 

Thank you, Patti, for your reply on this
cold, but sunny day. I cried for Linda this
morning, as I do most mornings, before I
walk outside. As you know, I feel blessed
to live around the corner from the ocean.
When I see the ever changing ocean, it
always takes my breath away, and I say
a prayer for Linda, who used to sit on our
favorite bench, looking out to sea. Linda
was raised by the ocean, as was I. Later,
we had to live & work inland, but we
felt like we were fish out of water, & took
as many weekend getaways, by the ocean,
as possible. When we retired, we vowed
to return "home" by the sea. I'm grateful
Linda was able to see that we were
finally home. But, like Moses, and Martin
Luther King, Jr. , she didn't live to see &
live, in the Promised Land with me. As
I've said before here, I weep when I
hear King's last speech, bc he had a
premonition of his death. I believe that
Linda did, also, bc one day she made me
promise to try to be happy, if anything
happened to her. God Bless Grief in
Common. It has been a lifesaver, and a
chance to meet compassionate people, like
you, also in mourning . Don't worry
about writing in capital letters, Patti. There
was a bookmany years ago, called
Don't Sweat the Small Stuff. I'm trying to
follow that philosophy. After the soul
crushing deaths of our soulmates,Everything else is trivial, don't you agree? Lou
, ,