Sudden and unexpected

Lou,

Although this is a new message, it's really just a continuation of the first one I sent you this morning. Moving ahead, onto much better things, as you probably already guessed, my internet connection seems to have recovered from it's lack of caffeine. Hoping I didn't just jinx myself, TU!!! However, if you don't see this until much later today, at least you'll know, I haven't left this planet, I'm just trying to find a way to get some much needed caffeine into my chrome book. I'm very grateful for my internet connection this morning, TU!!!

Moving on to better things, thank you so much for recommending the "Boynton Beach Club." It was just what I needed to make it through another cold, dark evening alone, and lonely, without Bob where he should be, cuddled up with me on the couch. I always felt so safe, so secure, like all was right, or would be right, with the world, when he was holding me in his arms... I need another tissue...

Wait, I did say moving on to better things, so change of subject!!! Liked the "Boynton Beach Club," in spite of needing a couple tissues at the beginning. However, I was prepared because you had warned me beforehand. It was such an easy to watch, lighthearted comedy, in spite of the fact it was about one of the heaviest topics at all, death and the extreme loneliness that follows the death of someone who you loved, still love, with all your heart. The awkward attempts of Jack trying to get back into the dating scene, and Harry trying to help him, reminded me of teens who are trying to impress that special someone for the very first time. The senior citizens who made up the Boynton Beach Bereavement Club were unique in the sense that as soon as one of them lost their spouse, they were surrounded by a large group of other seniors, their peers, who understood all the challenges ahead of them as they were trying to rebuild their shattered lives. Not exactly realistic, but it did touch upon some of the issues that so many of us face. I found myself relating to Marilyn, who in the beginning, was clueless about how to handle her financial affairs. I love the woman who she was turning into, as Tom Zuba would say, was "meant to be," how self confident and strong she was becoming, how she managed to put on her "big girl pants," and get on with life, finally getting not only her driver's license, but buying herself a new car too. I liked watching the special friendship that developed between her and Lois. I think I'm beginning to ramble on and on and on, so will stop here for now. Long story short, it was one of those movies that is very easy to follow, so even with the foggiest of widow brains, I could keep up with the story, shed a few tears, enjoy some laughs, and relate to everything these widow and widowers were going through. I think it would have made a good TV sitcom.

I'm so glad that you can see so clearly out of one eye now, and that you aren't worried about having cataract surgery in your other eye. I will be thinking of you on November 3rd, happy that this time you're not the least bit concerned, looking forward to seeing the world so much better, enjoying those ocean views even more...

You have such a great attitude when it comes to life, trying not to dwell on November 19th, instead enjoying each and every day the very best you can, and not wishing your life away. I know Linda would not only be very proud of you, but very happy too. Knowing how far you've come, that you not only ripped that bandage off of your grief, but plowed your way through it, no matter how tough it was, determined not to only rebuild your shattered life, but to enjoy it to the fullest extent possible, gives me so much hope. I'm positive you give all of TGW who haven't been going through this absolute hell as long as you have, so much hope too. Thank you for helping all of us, TU!!!

As I like to say, WE CAN AND WILL GET THROUGH THIS TOGETHER!!! WE ARE THE GRIEF WARRIORS!!!

Stopping here before this message becomes too long to send. BTW, Bob and I used to look too, and it was fine with both of us. We would laugh about it, just like you and Linda did.

As always, sending you hugs, wishing you peace, all of us peace. DEB

P.S. My son called me again, the reason why it's taken me so long to finish this message. He got me to laugh this morning. Hoping it's a sign of better times ahead...

 

P.S.S. Backing way up, I think Amy's frozen meals are some of the better ones. I usually have a couple of the Mexican ones in my freezer as a back up plan, either when I forget to defrost something, or I'm just way too frazzled and it seems like way too much effort to have to cook.

 

P.S.S.S. I like Amy's Low Fat Medium Black Bean Chili too. I have it with a salad, and it makes a super easy, quick meal, great in cold weather. I'm beginning to sound like a commercial, TU!!! Stopping here (for now.)

 

George,

I love!!! your attitude. The two "P's" are great, TU!!! I find it so hard to do things too. I struggle daily, but my daily to do list keeps me on track. I think it was Robin who said to someone once, just checking off the things on a list that you've managed to accomplish is so satisfying. I agree with this. It feels good to accomplish something every day, no matter how small it is.

I hope you find at least one reason to LMSO today...

WE CAN AND WILL GET THROUGH THIS TOGETHER!!! WE ARE TGW!!! (A big thanks to Lou for coming up with this name. It's absolutely perfect, TU!!!

As always, sending you hugs, wishing you peace, all of us peace. DEB

 

Gary,

As always, you have a wonderful way of expressing yourself, putting your feelings/emotions into words. I love the vivid description of where you are... If I close my eyes, I can almost picture it. I was teary eyed as I read that you had another sign from Cheryl yesterday. It is just so beautiful... It is comforting to know that our loved ones are always watching over us... Whenever I get a sign from Bob, I instantly feel a bit better.

Have a good day, surrounded by all the beauty in nature...

As always, sending you hugs, wishing you peace, all of us peace. DEB

 

Robin,

It means so much to me that you took the time to respond when you're busy. I am still in the same sweatshirt and sweatpants that I slept in last night, so unlike me!!! However, I did make my bed, and do all of the other things I always do first thing in the morning. I'm going to get dressed, and take you up on your advice. Today is one of those days that I'm going to have to push myself to get out that door, but I know I need to. I am going to do my best to try to make Bob proud of me today.

I hope you have at least one reason to LMSO today, but hopefully many more...

Lots of hugs to you and Teddy too, as always, wishing you peace, all of us peace. DEB

 

Hey Deb!!! Great to hear from you. I was doing so good with lists and accomplishing things but I don't know what happened. This Grief Journey is a precarious and hard to fathom experience. Today I just know I should do something just have no clue what or where. I think I will try the walk today! There I just thought of that inspired by your love. I breathe and try to think of something good in the heart. Itz hard to have a to do list when all your tasks seem nebulous at best as lately they are. Since the house stuff is ... nothing I can dso at the moment lets say... Talk to you later our heroic Denmother as Lou said!

 

Lets all push ourselves today! Yeah! Inspired... I want to be!

 

Stacey,

Just a very quick response to your heartfelt message. Reading it made me teary eyed... I wish I could reach out and give you the biggest hug...!!! I love how you came up with Marcey, a combination of your name and Mark's. I am so proud of you, as I know all TGW will be, that you were brave enough to "talk" about your husband for the first time, using his name. I know Mark would be not only very proud of you, but happy too. You are doing all the hard work that grief forces us to do.

There's so much more I want to say to you, but I'm so emotionally and physically burnt out, that I have to stop here (for now.)

Sending lots of extra hugs your way, and hugs for Miles too... Wishing you peace, all of us peace. DEB

 

George,

Just a quick message. Won't go into too many details now, but I had a great walk today. Perfect weather... beautiful, bright blue sky..., puffy white clouds... looking as though they had been tossed randomly into that beautiful blue sky... the sounds of nature everywhere... I felt a kind of peace (although I'm sure "Mr. Grief" will be back soon), like everything is going to be okay... I just need to keep my faith. Best of all, on my way home, a bright orange butterfly flew in front of me, about chest level, headed to my left, flew a bit in front of me on the grassy patch, while I walked on the concrete sidewalk. That butterfly was just a bit in front of me for almost the entire length of the lagoon I was walking past... When I heard a big splash and looked to my right towards the water, I didn't see anything, so looked to my left again, but the butterfly was gone. I thanked Bob for being here for me... I had to take a tissue out of my pocket. Those tears were so bittersweet...

I hope you got a walk in, and are now feeling at least a little better, but hopefully lots better!!!, than you were feeling earlier today too. It's amazing what some fresh air and a little exercise can do, TU!!!

Stopping here, I want to take a shower, change into a soft, comfy sweat suit, and turn into a couch potato. I'm emotionally and physically exhausted, but in a much better place than I was this morning, another one of those TU!!!

As always, sending you hugs, wishing you peace, all of us peace. DEB

 

George, I'm so relieved. I was in a panic
that I was kicked off GIC for some reason.
I'm insecure & worry too much. I contacted
Karyn Arnold, who told me GIC had a 4
hour reboot today, to make the site more
user friendly. I answered Stacey first,
previously known as "Marcey". Then, I just
replied to your reference to my "Den
Mother" comment about our friend, Deb.
I know she dreaded Halloween bc it
is her first one without Bob. I don't think
I'll feel really secure until Deb posts
again. Lou

 

Lou,

I responded to your message to me that you sent about 6:30 tonight. I'm so sorry you didn't see it!!! I wrote you at least a couple of my "books" today. If you can't
find them, let me know, I'll try to copy them and paste them into new messages.

Stopping here, hoping you see this!! (Bob would have fun with this one!!! I think I just broke my own record for world's shortest message!!!

As always, sending you hugs, wishing you peace, all of us peace. DEB

 

Lou,

I noticed your online now and I have no idea why my messages to you aren't showing up. I thought I would try to resend this one. Hoping you get it!!!

 

P

Deb, I'm really worried when I don't hear
from you. I was scared that I was kicked
off GIC somehow today, on Halloween, of
all days, & contacted Karyn Arnold. She
told me not to worry. I replied to Stacey,
previously known as "Marcey" and
George, but have not heard back from
either one. I know that this is the first
Halloween without Bob, and it's extremely
hard for you. But, please take just a moment to say hi to me, so I can go to
sleep tonight! Lou

 

Lou,

Almost a miracle!!! We're on line at the same time. I decided to check my chrome book once more before putting it away for the night. I hope you find my "books" from earlier today, but if you don't let me know. I'll try to copy them and paste them onto new messages.

I was getting so frustrated because I knew you were looking for my messages and couldn't find them. I didn't want you to think I was never going to return. There is no way I can leave my GIC friends, TU!!!

Want to make this short, so you can go to sleep. In a nutshell, I'm doing much better than I was this morning. I took a walk, got a sign from Bob, and it made my day, even though it was so bittersweet.

I hope you had a good day in spite of it being the last day the shops on the Neck are open for the season. Better end this, I want you to get some quality sleep!!!

As always, sending you hugs, wishing you peace, all of us peace. DEB

 

Just reaching out because I’m having trouble with the site ever since the update. I don’t even know how I got here. I’ve been trying on and off all day. I think everyone is having trouble. Nothing is the same and the emails I receive that I have a message don’t work either. It’s very frustrating. I’m fairly sure that’s why you’re not getting any messages. I’m not either and can’t make anything work. I’ve been through GIC updates in the past and never experienced this before.
Deb I’m glad you got out for a walk and you got a sign from Bob today. Bittersweet, yes but a sign. I love that the butterfly stayed with you for so long. My daughter and I saw a deer today in a most unlikely place. We were pulling out of the library parking lot and it walked right in front us. Looking at us.
I hoped to reply to more posts but it’s getting late and I have a bit of a headache. I’ll try again tomorrow.
I disagree that the update made the site more user friendly. Nothing is working.
So glad I somehow stumbled my way through, hope I can again.
Hope everyone rest well!

 

Just reaching out because I’m having trouble with the site ever since the update. I don’t even know how I got here. I’ve been trying on and off all day. I think everyone is having trouble. Nothing is the same and the emails I receive that I have a message don’t work either. It’s very frustrating. I’m fairly sure that’s why you’re not getting any messages. I’m not either and can’t make anything work. I’ve been through GIC updates in the past and never experienced this before.
Deb I’m glad you got out for a walk and you got a sign from Bob today. Bittersweet, yes but a sign. I love that the butterfly stayed with you for so long. My daughter and I saw a deer today in a most unlikely place. We were pulling out of the library parking lot and it walked right in front us. Looking at us.
I hoped to reply to more posts but it’s getting late and I have a bit of a headache. I’ll try again tomorrow.
I disagree that the update made the site more user friendly. Nothing is working.
So glad I somehow stumbled my way through, hope I can again.
Hope everyone rest well!

 

Sorry that sent twice. Everything is so frustrating on here right now.