Sudden and unexpected

Lou,

Bless you. I'm so sorry that you've got a cold. But I am glad you had some sleep at least. Staying in and warm sounds like a wise idea today. From what I've heard and read, Zinc is very important right now. ♥ I hope you can rest today, in every way.

Your quiet little seaside town sounds like a dream. I'm jealous, but happy for you and Linda who are and were fortunate enough to enjoy such a special place.
My husband and I would go to the ocean (we are about a 2.5 hour drive away, here) about once a year. We always wanted to be able to go more though. We would go breathe and leave our motel window open so we could hear the ocean all night. For the few weeks we were here (at moms, in the middle of the home switch with our son) together, before he got sick, we would listen to ocean sounds all night. Our son is very tech-savvy and loves all the gadgets. He had installed Google nest stuff all over this little place. He left a couple for us. One in the bedroom. So every night when my husband would go to bed (usually before me) he would tell Google to "turn on ocean sounds." And that would play all night. The sound of waves crashing. Though I loved it too, it was a bit much for me some nights - the relentless movement sound. When I chose to tell Google what to do (lol) I ordered "forest at night sounds" which was more crickets chirping and owls hooting....a fire crackling. That kind of thing. But I loved both.

.....I can't believe he's really gone.



I feel certain that Linda would be very proud of you.

Frank Sinatra made some beautiful music. I was never really into him, except for his connection to Marilyn Monroe. I have always been obsessed with her (and Princess Diana...) But I do love both of the songs you mentioned. I'm more a Dean Martin kinda gal. ♥ Because it gives you pleasure, I am so glad you are able to listen to his music again. Sing out, Lou!

Praying you feel better and better though the day. Kick that cold out!

Marcey

 

I have to ask....which guilty trashy shows did you two watch?

 

Thanks, Marcey, for your quick & kind
response this am. I like how you answer
each thing I tell you. Deb is a master at
that! It's almost as if we're talking on the
phone. When Linda & I were in LA, we
went to a theater, where they showed
the "Rat Pack" with Frank, Dean, &
Sammy ( Joey Bishop was another
member). They would be considered
politically incorrect today, Linda & I
had CDs of Dean as well as Frank &
Elvis. I liked "Are you lonesome, tonight"
by Elvis. When we saw the movie
Moonstruck, we loved Dean's "That's
Amore". On YouTube, I will sometimes
see a funny scene from a movie like
that one, but not the whole movie. I
found a duet with Sinatra & Elvis. They
hit it off. Sinatra knew that he was older
than Elvis & didn't get the screaming
women fans he used to, when he was
young & skinny. But, he didn't seem
jealous, and was happy that Elvis now
had the screaming women fans! Funny
that you mentioned the "ocean sounds",
via Google. We had a little sound machine.
I liked the light rain and river sounds.
They helped block out our inconsiderate
neighbors, when we lived in a high rise
apartment bldg for seniors over 62. I liked
Marilyn Monroe, too. What adolescen. t boy
didn't? I was shocked when she died in
1962. I was about 13. It wasn't 'til much
later that I learned about the JFK &
Bobby connection. It's ironic that it was
Sinatra who was kind to her, when others
weren't. Thanks for zinc suggestion. My
doctor discovered recently, in a blood
test , that I have anemia, so he told me
to buy Nature Made ( from West Hills,
Calif. !)Multi Complete vitamins, including
iron. One of the many vitamins, is zinc.
Well, I had breakfast, & can't keep my
eyes open. Time for a nap, at 11:40 am,
my time. Talk later! Lou

 

P.S. To quote Deb, my foggy widower's
brain doesn't recall if I suggested the
Center for Life site. Every day, Deb, Karen,
& I receive emails of warm, comforting
quotations of grief. The site was started
by a grief counselor & author. I emailed
our head of GIC about it, & she thought it
was great & very helpful. OK, now it's
REALLY time for nap !! Ou

 

Gary,
I’m reading your story for the first time right now. I’m so sorry! Our losses are pretty similar in that it came out of no where. So sudden with no previous health conditions. I was very concerned that Ron had sleep apnea, he refused to get it looked into. But his breathing during sleep worried me. That’s not how he passed but it was something that kept me up at night. I lost Ron in 2 hours, you lost Cheryl twice! I can’t even imagine. You’re only coming up on 6 months. I think you’re doing great! You’re sharing your story and how your feeling. All so very important. I didn’t do that for 10 months. This site educated me on how important it is to share and talk.
I agree that losing our one and only sure ages us fast. I feel like Ron wouldn’t even recognize me I’ve aged so much and lost so much weight. Stress is a horrible thing to live with and through. I still live one day at time, that’s what works best for me and get fresh air each day. Early on I lived one moment at a time and had lists to de clutter my mind.
I just wanted to reach out because as I read your story I saw myself and my story.
It sounds like you and Cheryl lived a wonderful life together that sadly was cut short way to soon. That’s how I feel about my life with Ron.
All the best, Robin

 

She loved certain reality shows, old game shows and outrageous talk shows and court shows and stuff like hoarders and people who get their cars towed shows. The TeeVee was always on. For some inexplicable reason I can't watch it anymore! LOL

 

Those are the shows we watched too. So many reality shows. The drug rehab one and my strange addiction. Ron liked Forged in Fire too. Etc but like you I have trouble watching tv and especially the shows we watched together. Sometimes I feel I have trouble watching cause Ron can’t watch. Other times I feel like I need him sitting next to me so we can talk about it. Everything is hard.

 

Robin, I know what you mean about not
watching shows alone, that we watched
with our spouses together. Linda & I
had fun watching Alex Trebek , as he got
grayer, more mellow, & funnier , on
Jeopardy. We loved it when we could
outsmart the younger contestants. After
Linda died, I never watched the show
again. When Alex died, I wanted to tell
Linda, like I wanted to tell her about
other famous people who died. In his
book, Jonathan has a chapter about
wanting to tell Joy about people &
events, and it hurt him not to. I know
the feeling, like someone stabbed me in
my stomach. Lou

 

George, Linda liked to watch "Hoarders",
but I hated it, found it depressing, and
would walk out of the room. I believe
they let their "homes" become disgusting,
filthy pigstys, and had a form of mental
illness. I told Linda that as bad as these
people let their lives come undone, so did
her parents, but on a lesser scale. After
they went to a nursing home, we had to
clean up the mess, like you had to do
just now. Not fun. Linda never forgave
her folks. Lou

 

Oh how I understand. We watched Jeopardy too. And Ron was quick with the answers. He was better then me. And I also wanted to share with him about Alex passing. I haven’t watched since Ron passed either. I also understand the pain of not being able to share happy news. There’s no end to the pain we deal with every day.
Today I turned the heat on for the first time this season, I was worried it wouldn’t turn on, and also about the cost of fuel and turning it on too early in the season. But I was freezing and so uncomfortable. I went for it. I heard Ron saying, this is ridiculous, turn the heat on. I did and it worked perfectly and I feel so much better. It’s things like that, that people don’t realize we go through every day. It’s like you mention, being stabbed in the stomach, a never ending headache. Constant. Get passed one thing and there’s another.

 

What a wonderful feeling you get seeing everybody pour their heart’s out to George and encourage him. My favorite to George was to treat yourself like someone very dear to you And whom you really love. I’ve been thinking about everybody the last two days. Wednesday I felt if I heard another story about grief Or read anything about grief my head was going explode. I had to detach and do some reflecting. Robin I’m sorry losing Ron was so similar to losing Cheryl. What an absolute shock it is to lose somebody that was in perfect health and have no warning signs. I kept asking myself how could this be? Sometimes throughout the day I wonder if I’m still dreaming. Did this really happen? Thanks for the compliment about how I’m doing but I have to confess that I’ve only had a few good moments. it’s nice to be around veterans like you Lou Patti and Karen. No matter how much I’ve learned or how much I’ve honestly expressed my feelings I still have to go through the suffering. Running the emotional gauntlet is terrifying. I don’t like mourning and I still can’t figure out how it could be helpful to our grief journey. Zuba has me thinking about tapping into the fourth dimension of healing by letting out my emotions and gaining emotional awareness. I can’t explain it. I’m Still trying to figure that one out. I have to run. I’m going to Michigan tomorrow. I hope I have Internet up there. Thanks for holding the line TGWs in my absence. Gary

 

Boy, it looks like we Grief Warriors need
each other today, Robin. I turned on the
heat, too. Today was the coldest yet.We
will be in the 50s , but dropping into
40s in Nov. I'm not going outside today,
bc I'm tired & have a cold.I became run
down when I couldn't sleep the night of
the storm. The next night was a little
better, but I had an early am eye doctor
appt. yesterday, to prepare for cataract
surgery on my other eye, on Wed, Nov 3.
On Tues, I saw Linda's nursing home. I
shrugged it off, but the memory of
Linda's last days, hit me this am,& I
cried about the last time I saw her there.
I used to sit in her room every day. I was
in the kitchen this am, doing something
she taught me to do, and I just let the
tears flow. Why keep it inside, especially
when no one else is around. Lou

 

I agree we’re really needing each other lately. And so happy we have each other’s backs. I’m so sorry you got run down and caught a miserable cold. Drink plenty of fluids, rest and just be. I hope your heat felt good to you, I was loving mine even though I could picture the dollars it was costing. Only had 55 today and 40’s last few nights. Right now I’m sitting with ted on my lap sleeping and a blanket. Keeping each other warm. And it feels good. I haven’t gone out today either. I might tonight but also kind of want to stay inside where it’s warm. Too windy out today and cold. I’m glad you were able to go to your eye appointment, I hope you have someone to go with you on Wed. I took my Mom when she went and after she went for her recheck while driving home she said, wow look at the trees. I look over at her and I say, you’re happy to see trees? How bad were your eyes? She had been driving my young children around previous to her catersct surgery. She was like, I could see the trees but now I see them so clear! Ok Mom.
I’m glad you let the tears fall, it’s important and cathartic. Let them out! My cousin lost his wife a few weeks back and at the funeral he tells me he’s good. I look at him and said, I’ve been there I know you’re not good. You’re not fooling me. He got Teddy and gave me a hug. I told him to let the tears happen, you can wait but let it happen. He nodded. Anyway. Feel better doctor yourself and rest. Robin

 

Thank you, Robin. About to take my 2nd
nap today, & I feel better, thanks. Plenty
of Vitamin C and my multivitamins incl.
zinc help. I believe in the old adage: "Stuff
a cold , starve a fever", and I've drinking
OJ. water & sparkling water, and eating
non stop! I try to wear sweatshirts in my
apartment, in winter, to cut the cost of heating bills, but I hate having cold
hands. I look it at this way: we Northerners have to pay for higher
heating bills. but Southerners have to
pay for AC in their long, hot summers . L

 

Sorry you have a cold Lou. You’re doing the same thing I do to get rid of it. I had a minor reaction to the Covid booster. I hate to even bring it up after knowing all the pain George is going through. Keep on Trucking George. I decided to let go of Cheryl‘s pottery collection today. The pottery is going to be distributed to the sisters and nieces as Christmas gifts to remind them of their beloved Cheryl. There were no heart felt Interactions with sister today. I did grieve watching Cheryl‘s memories go down the road. Cheryl and our social interactions revolved around the youngest sister and brother-in-law. Since the riff there has been minimal interactions. The brother-in-law has never called. I have to figure out a way to deal with this loneliness and isolation. I already have mild depression before I lost Cheryl. More aloneness deeper depression and the possibility of getting dementia aren’t great propositions. I am thinking about joining a dating site after the first of the year. Hopefully I can find a widow that understands the grief journey. I’m looking for a relationship based on friendship and companionship. My human interactions are the grocery store gas station and the bank. At my last grief support meeting somebody said something funny and everybody laughed. I explained the concept of LMSO to everyone and no one laughed. I repeated myself and about three or four people giggled briefly. I thought to myself I wish these people were as cool as TGW friends I have. Gary

 

Thank you, Gary. I'm being kind to myself
today. As Linda used to say,"I'm having a
me day ". Sleep is bliss. 2 naps, no desire
to go out in the coldest day we've had so
far. Don't care that I'm missing usual
CHEERS like bar on a Fri. night. Let them
miss me! Being lazy when I have a cold,
I'm eating a frozen Mexican dinner out
of the oven. It's much healthier than the
old TV dinners, and tastier , too. I like
Amy's Kitchen meals, out of Petaluma, Ca.
I'll ask Karen & Marcey if they've heard
of the company. Keep me posted on the
dating site, Gary. In many ways, we're in
the same boat, except I've been a widower
longer, at 3 years. Time for supper. "See ya
later". Lou

 

Deb, hope you had a good time, drinking
wine with your friend ( hopefully not
too much!). I'm feeling much better after 2 naps, herbal tea, "stuffing a cold", getting
on GIC, & texting with Steven, who is
resting at home after late night drive last
night. I told them I wasn't as needy as
the last times they were here, & wanted
them to have their space, They were
pleased. As for the Shack in winter, I
hope to continue to go on Friday nights,
the most fun night, but try to skip Thurs,
Sat, & Sun. A bartender, Abby, works
alongside her boyfriend & is a drip. She
was rude to my friend Tom, 70, from Florida, who just went home, with
girlfriend, Ann, for the season. She
provided lackluster service recently,
for me, yet had time to gab with her
20 something friends. Not cool. I'd
rather take bus to Gloucester
restaurants. The Neck will be dead very
soon. Have a good night, Deb. Bedtime
soon for me. Lou

 

You’re welcome! I’m glad you’re feeling some better. I wear sweatshirts too to help stay warm. My concern is that the cost of heating oil is so high and going higher. You’re right though and I do think of people living in the south have high electric bills to keep their AC running and we pay for heating costs. Just feels like this year will be more costly. It’s funny that you mention not liking cold hands. With RA my hands are usually very warm. But since the weather has gotten cooler my hands are feeling cold. That’s unusual for me. I asked my daughter if my hands feel cold to her. She said for your hands they’re cool but anyone else’s hands no they’re not cold. Made me laugh cause they felt like ice cube cold to me.
I hope you get a good nights rest and continue to feel better.
Robin

 

Thanks again, Robin, was about to go to
bed but wanted to check for messages.
Sleep is especially essential for people,
like me, with manic depression. I was
irritated with my sneezing & runny nose
and knew how to take care of myself.
Sadly, Linda had ice cold feet, in part bc
of her diabetes. I would lovingly put
special socks on her feet in bed. The
higher cost heating oil is very troubling,
as well as higher prices for everything,
like gas at the pumps, and most scary of all, for food & other items in the supermarket. I feel sorry for parents of
young children. who won't be able to buy
Christmas presents this year. Added to that, the seemingly endless fear of COVID,and soon , the shortage of toilet
paper again. I can only take care of
myself, and pay attention to my mourning
for Linda. Hope you get some sleep, Robin.
Lou

 

I’m seeing all that you mention. Costs up on everything. Store shelves getting emptier all the time. Filling my car with gas is ridiculous. And I do feel bad for parents trying to get their kids their special gifts. It’s rough. I know of parents who have been struggling already. I got good news tonight. The results of Teds test came back benign!! Now we just need to heal.
Sleep well Robin