Sudden and unexpected

Thank you very much for asking how
I'm doing in this seemingly endless
storm, Marcey. As you can see from my
long post to Robin, in NY just now, I
think she & I are the only ones experiencing this storm. I contacted
National Grid at 6:35 am bc the power
is STILL out after over 6 hours. As I told
Robin, the worse part is that I can't
make coffee. Deb & I laughed about
memories of not having coffee during
other blackouts. I thank God for at least
2 things this am: 1st, Linda bought a
battery operated lantern in case the
lights went out. You would appreciate
that she would quote Genesis, and exclaim, " Let there be light!", and 2nd,
my smart phone so I can see the headlines
on my Newsmax app, on Wake Up
America. I can find out about the states
of emergency in NY & NJ. The hosts of
the show live in the area. I don't have a
TV, but I can watch & hear the program
on the small screen of my phone, & that's
good enough. I don't feel so alone. Your
story of hugging your husband's clothing
for his scent, is a very common aspect
of mourning for one's spouse. I'm glad you
have a pet, who's like a service dog for you
now. My friend, who visits this area from
Pa. every March & Oct, gave me a Bible.
He reads the Bible every morning and it gives him a center in these very troubled
times. He recommends Psalms to bring me
some peace. When he & his wife return
hone to Pa., we write letters & cards to
each other, the old fashioned way. They
love coming here to see the ocean, &
I send them postcards of the beaches
here. He sends me postcards of their
area, the farms of Amish country. Well,
Marcey, I'm technology challenged so I
don't take, or send, photos. I know you
don't like watching the news, but I know
you watch the weather channel & can
see how we're doing on the East Coast! Lou

 

Lou, No power, no coffee. That's not a good start to a day. I'm so sorry your power is still out! I will be praying it is back on for you very soon - and a cup of hot coffee in your hand soon thereafter!

Linda sounds like a smart lady and I'm glad for both of you, that she bought the lantern. Somewhere, probably back at our house, we have a crank flashlight - no batteries required. I need to find that. I'm also considering investing in a small generator. Just in case.

I'm glad for my boy (my dog) Miles, too. He is most definitely my mental/emotional health service dog now. He actually has been for years. I was already suffering from clinical depression and nearly debilitating anxiety, before losing my husband. I credit Miles for saving my life, during some of my darkest days. I knew my family would at least be able to understand the depression part and know what happened to me. But to my boy Miles, I would just be gone. He would feel abandoned by me. And I couldn't bear the thought of that. So I chose to stay (and continue suffering - but got through the worst parts and started seeing light again. Until now).

Your Bible reading friend sounds like a positive influence in your life. And I love how he and his wife continue to write (real) letters. I do love the Psalms too. I'm looking forward to meeting David (the writer of most of the Psalms) in Heaven someday (soon, I hope).

It's okay that you don't take pics of your beach. I can certainly turn on the Weather Channel to see what's happening there.

Hoping you have electricity and coffee VERY SOON!

Marcey

 

Hi Lou, I am praying for these storms to quickly
clear out, and that you all get electricity on soon.
Haven't been doing good (sorry) keeping up with the
group, looks like I am going to have to take some
time away from my iPad, hopefully it will only
be for a short time
Keeping you and all others in prayer as we move
through this now journey, which WE CAN and Will
GET THROUGH.
Marcey, my heart feels all that you are going through,
it will be five years the 7th of Nov that God called
my husband to Heaven, I miss him constantly, I still
have those daily times of tears that flow,
missing him but also in gratitude to God in my knowing
he is in Heaven, free from pain and suffering,
and in God's timeing I will be reunited with him.
I will be away from posting for awhile, after
posting in error elsewhere and realizing afterwards.
George, I couldn't imagine myself doing all that
you've been doing, youare amazing. Everything
is going to work out in your move.. Please take
care of yourself.
Hugs, prayers for each here, Blessings. Patti

 

Thank you Patti!

I'm so sorry for the loss of your dear husband and for the pain you are still enduring. Thank you for the Godly reminders. So thankful that God's word is true, and that for all who call on the name of Jesus, trusting in Him to forgive their sins and be their savior - an eternity in Heaven is their (our) final destination. Romans 10:13
The waiting here without our other half is the hardest part. Feels like an eternity already. But in reality, from an eternal perspective, it is just a moment. A speck of our eternal existence. You and my sweet mother just reminded me of that truth. I was just in with my mom, sobbing, again, over my poor husband's last miserable weeks. And upset with God for allowing him to suffer like that. Heartbroken.

But faith is believing and trusting, even when it's hard (or impossible, from our perspective) to understand. And as you said, His timing - In His timing, we will be reunited. And at that point, we will be able to see the whole picture and it will be clear.

Thank you Patti. I needed to hear that. I hope you will be able to be back soon. Take Care ♥

 

Thank you again, Marcie. Your attention
to detail about our lives is very much
like Deb's. She has an incredible memory of both the good times & bad, with her
beloved husband, Bob. Thank you also
for your candid talk about your clinical
depression. I'm glad you felt safe enough
to reveal that here. I was hesitant to
talk about my manic depression and
hospitalizations here, but I ran it by the
founder of GIC, Karyn Arnold, and she
was very sympathetic. Thank God you &I
didn't act on our suicidal ideations. Your
mutual unconditional love with Miles is
very moving. I think my belief in God &
the fact that I survived the hell of
mental illness 40 years ago, and underwent therapy, prevented me from
taking my own life. Talking on phone
every Mon am with a therapist comes
easy for me bc of my experience earlier
in life. My friends, Steven & Betsy walked
into my local bar, the Shack, one quiet
night in Nov, 2019, a year after my wife
died. I asked where they were from.
I told them I was a widower, who lived
in town, and got their phone numbers &
addresses. They are a very quiet,
spiritual couple. I thought Steven was a
minister, but it turns out that he's a
psychotherapist. Betsy does virtual
work from home, and does violin
recitals in churches. They would love to
move here, but it may take a miracle, bc
we have such a small place of land by
the sea, & it's extremely expensive to
buy a house. Perhaps they could rent
here for a year. Steven would certainly
have a lot of clients, who deal with
mental illness, loneliness, and addictions.
Well, no coffee yet. At least it's finally
daylight. I'm watching a big tree shaking
across the street. It seems to be sturdy,
and amazingly, still has its' leaves. Well,
I just emailed 2 college classmates, one
in NJ & the other on Cape Cod to see how
they're doing in the storm. Haven't heard
back yet. Meanwhile, I'll distract myself
with my phone, checking the news, and
my friends like you, on GIC, so I won't
think about coffee!! God willing, the
storm will subside, and my friend, Kim,
who's like a daughter to me. will drive
me to the supermarket. She's been kind
to me since Linda's death 3 years ago.
She never met Linda, but I've told her
about our 25 year marriage. "Talk later,
Marcey". Hope our other friends will
join us soon. Lou

 

Thank you TGWs! I just don't know why I'm doing so poorly this last week especially. I feel so hopeless yet I know this won't help... What's wrong I keep asking and writing... I lost my friends: twice! (at least) I screwed up! I screwed up! A lot. I'm screwing up the selling of the house. I am thwarted in reBuilding my life. A New Life- How?!~ What is there for me to do? I don't like Art today! I need to DO STUFF! What?! I must go out today! I have no confidence! Santlofer had friends, a career, respect... dinner parties. The Kool wife food book. I am nothing and have nothing. Life's endless "Zingz" I have to deal with them internally. On my own. House House House House House What do I do. No Valerie to be there for me and just BE THERE! How can I continue to improve myself? How Can I get A job or volunteer... I want to improve but HOW? I want to embrace a new life... HOW?! I am so tired vof being lonely. I feel like I have soi much to give the world still... HOW!!!!

 

Thank you for your prayers that my
power will come back. It's been a rough
9 hours, & as I told Marcey & Deb, I am
craving coffee this am, but trying to distract myself, talking with friends like
you & Marcey, and hopefully others here,
soon. No hardship, including blackouts,
can come close to the heartache &
loneliness over the deaths of our
soulmates. Both Jack & Linda want us to be happy. Before I joined this wonderful
site, I was in a widowed persons group.
It was led by a woman, in her 80s, whose
husband died young, when they were 50.
Instead of crawling into a hole, she
started this group to give comfort to
others in mourning. I would call her on
the phone & cry about Linda, & she
would share her wisdom about how
she dealt with extreme bereavement &
loneliness. In the group, she would half
jokingly say that she wanted to see her
husband in Heaven, but was " in no
hurry". That got a nervous chuckle from
the crowd who agreed with her. I pray
that you will feel better soon, Patti. We
will miss you, but take your time. Lou

 

Thank you to all the Grief Warriors. I just feel so bad today... again...

 

Lou,

I'm so sorry I'm getting here so late today... Won't go into it now, but didn't get much sleep, felt like I was glued to my bed again, and although I've been up since 6:45 a.m., I stayed in bed, hugging Bob's pillow, crying... I briefly skimmed all of your messages using my phone before I got up, but have way too much trouble typing on the small keypad, so didn't respond even though I wanted to. I want to reread them in detail, and will later on. Although I rather hang out and "talk" to you and all TGW this morning, I have things I have to do. However, I will be home the entire afternoon and will check back frequently, so if you need to "talk." or just want to "talk," I'll be here. I'm praying your power gets restored soon and Kim will be able to pick you up at 3 to take you grocery shopping, so hoping I don't hear from you at 3 p.m., TU!!!

Long story short, I finally got out of bed a couple minutes before 9 a.m. I forced myself to get up. Backing up just a bit, please don't feel like you ever have to apologize for "talking" to me about all those way beyond miserable times in your life, and for me having to reach for that box of tissues while reading about them. I wouldn't be a friend if I didn't care about you, TU!!! (Plus and this is a really BIG PLUS, it was my story about the model trains that triggered this.) However, this is what friends are for, to share in each other's sad times, as well as in their happy times... Reading all of the heartbreaking details, you and Linda being homeless, Linda having endometrial cancer, you struggling emotionally and needed a hospital stay to recover... it makes me realize that you are even stronger than I thought you were... You are one of the strongest and most determined persons I know. You have worked so unbelievably hard to get to the place where you are now... It amazes me every time I think about how far you've come... As I've said so many times in the past, you are not only one of the strongest persons I know, but also have the one of the biggest hearts too. I'm very grateful for our friendship, TU!!! Stopping here, I'm beginning to really ramble now, TU!!!

It makes me so sad to hear that you and Marcey are both struggling, and while I'm not glad that both of you couldn't sleep, I'm so happy that the two of you visited each other here, and were able to support each other last night and this morning. I can't thank Karen Arnold enough for putting together GIC, another one of those TUS!!!

Really have to get moving even though I want to "talk" to you some more, and to all the GIC warriors, so stopping here.

I haven't read any of the most recent messages, but hope your power and Robin's power have been restored. I feel so badly for Robin, her basement got about 6 inches of water... Got to go!!! Can't stop "talking!!!" I just smiled for the first time today, thinking about Bob would have said.

As always, sending you hugs, wishing you peace, all of us peace. DEB

 

Marcey,

As I just told Lou, as much as I wish I could "talk" this morning, I have things I have to get done, and am already behind schedule. But, and this is one of those really BIG BUTS!!!, I couldn't leave here without telling you that although I didn't know it at the time, I now believe that I suffered from anticipatory grief prior to Bob's death. I can't even begin to imagine how much more difficult it was for you, having been suffering from clinical depression and so much anxiety prior to your husband's death. My heart goes out to you... I had to reach for a tissue while reading this. I hope to be able to "talk" to you soon. I'm just so glad you found this site, TU!!!

Sending lots of extra hugs your way, wishing you peace, all of us peace. DEB

 

P.S. I'm so glad you have Miles too.... Dogs are the absolute best,TU!!! I could go on and on and on about dogs all day, really got to get off of this site. I just can't seem to stop "talking."

Sending lots more hugs your way... DEB

 

George,

My heart goes out to you this morning... I wish I had time to "talk," but for now, just know I'm thinking about you...

Sending lots of extra hugs your way, wishing you peace, all of us peace. DEB

 

Patti,

I'm so sorry you're struggling so much... We're going to miss you, but understand you needing to step away for awhile. My heart goes out to you... I think about you all the time, and as always, you and all of the GIC are always in my prayers...

Please take care of yourself the best you possibly can!!! I know I can say this for all of the GIC, we love you!!!, and hope you'll be back with us again soon.

As always, sending you hugs, wishing you peace, all of us peace. DEB

 

Marcel, thank you for replying back to me, I hope
I shall be able to get back to use of my iPad if not ,
this might be my last posting due to my vision
difficulty,( I want to do this posting in case
I am not able to.) for you, Deb, Karen, Lou, Gary,
George, Jim (Oneman) Robin, others.
After many years of taking care of my
husband and the time came for him to go to Heaven,
I am so greatful that God gave me the strength I needed
when that time came.
HE was always with me overseeing Jack's care from
the horrible many years of parkinsons,
Leaning over and holding my husband in my
arms I told him, " Jesus has HIS arms around you with
mine and HE is ready, wants to take you to Heaven to be
with God, please go with Jesus, see all the beautiful
flowers and the puffy puffy white clouds."
We are each a gift in this life to one another from God,
I have each ones name here in this group posted o
my frigerator door and every morn and night include
You and all here in my prayers. I always do the double
in my phone texts to me they represent me on lower
Heart and the upper Jack being in Heaven. I will now post
message for George below. Blessings, Patti
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Hi George, I'm including my post to you at end of Marcey's
I just read your posting and I want to let you know how
very, very special you are to God, I have seen through you're
postings of all you have accomplished, like I said in a post
to you earlierit , I couldn't imagine myself accomplishing all
that you have. It is overwhelming when we have tasks that
we want to get accomplished, but they will get done. I don't
know what God has planned for my today or tomorrow's
like the song goes " I Know Who Holds Tomorrow" .
God bless you George. Patti

 

I haven't met you yet,..Hi, I'm "Marcey." I could feel your pain as I read your posts this morning. I don't know your story and that's okay. I just wanted to say that I am praying for you right now. Praying God will give you comfort and peace, hope and help. I pray that you will have clarity and wisdom as you make the decisions you are having to make right now.

 

Hi Marcey! I'm George and I'm like a total mess... My wife died on Feb 20 at 4:49pm... She had cancer and had been diagnosed for a couple years. It was an incurable lipoSarcoma. I took care of her. Now I don't know what to do. She was my whole world and we together since I was 21 in 1987. She was my best friend. I look forward to reading the messages on here. I want to say stuff I'm just not sure what. I have to sell my house and I have dialysis 3 times a week. All of us Grief Warriors are wracked by pain and uncertainty. I don't know why this has gotten so bad again the last week especially... Thanks for saying hi! I appreciate the kind thoughts a lot. I just want to be strong to be kind to myself and others. Why is that so hard? I'm in the western suburbs of Chicago BTW.

 

Oh. God. Deb, what would I do without
you? You have become my BEST friend.
Steven is my best friend, especially that
I can see Steven & Betsy until Halloween,
when they have to return home to Pa. But,
once they're home, they are not always
available. Steven is 54, and a psychotherapist, so he is busy. I can text
him at night or on weekends, & he will
call me if I'm very depressed. Kim is
extremely busy with her virtual full time
job in medical research & in raising her
17 year old daughter and 14 year old son,
by herself. Although her husband still
lives at her house. at some point. they are getting a divorce, and he will move out,
after 25 years of marriage. Sad, but Kim
is a strong, resilient person of faith. Even
though she could be the age of a daughter
I never had, her positive nature has made
her a role model for me. I shared my
history of manic depression, long before
I met Linda, She has stood by me for the 3
years since Linda's death, even though she
never knew her. Thank you, Marcie, and
Patti, & others, for worrying about me
when I lost power. Linda's spirit is with
me. It's almost as if she is speaking to me
from the light in her lantern. The power
is supposed to be restored around 12:15 pm this afternoon, after 12 hours. As I told
Marcey & Patti, everything is insignificant
in comparison to our mourning over the
loves of our lives. Needless to say, Deb, I
cried all the way through your summation
of the very dark & almost hopeless
hardships Linda & I had. You said I was
strong, but I feel that, to use a politically
incorrect term, it helped that I was crazy,
or, as Linda affectionately & jokingly
called me, "bananas" & " crazy old coot"
( Karen loved this). You have been such
a port in a storm ( "literally"!), and a comfort with your wise & compassionate
words to me & the new members here.
God Bless you, Deb, & I hope your day
gets better. Lou

 

Denise, welcome I’m glad you’re here. I don’t know what I would do without the grief warriors. i’ve only been on this site for three weeks and feel a lot of support encouragement and love from the grief warriors. I had to get off the site and take a break because I was becoming overwhelmed. I’m not very skilled at deflecting other peoples trauma. I seem to absorb it. We had a great in person grief support meeting last night but I overdosed on trauma. I’m feeling overwhelmed even more trying to catch up on all the messages. I love very much reading them. I’m going to have to use George’s advice and work this at my own pace. George extra hugs to you and Patti today. Do you Have a realtor that will help you with the home improvements? They can provide contractors to do the repair work. That would take a load off of you but reduce Your bottom line some. I just got back from a bike ride on a beautiful fall day on heavy frosty morning. When the sun hit the frosty cornfields I could see individual clouds of vapor rising. The sky was clear blue with a small milky spot where a rainbow was trying to appear. When I got back home I thought that was a gift From Cheryl. Cheryl moved in from the city seven years ago to my rural home. She adapted from city life to country living quick. I’ve been hit with another wave of heavy grief missing Cheryl. When I talk to Cheryl I tell her it was not your fault you had to die. it just had to go this way. On the first goodbye I told Cheryl I would catch up with her in the promised land. On the second goodbye I told Cheryl to travel well and it was time to leave this tired body in this world and travel to her new healthy body into the next. I hope all of our loved ones traveled well into the afterlife. Marcy are you familiar with the song glad reunion day? My mothers side of the family from Atlanta used to sing that at the beginning of every family reunion. It’s a song about joining up with those who have gone on before us. And that will be a glad reunion day. Lou I knew you had writing skills. when you talked about the day trippers I never knew what it meant or who it was about. I heard the Beatles song before but Didn’t know what it meant. FYI if anyone is having problems with insomnia there’s a great book called insomnia solved by Brandon peters. I increased my sleep two hours a night. It has a six week course of simple exercises. it’s too detailed to try to explain. I’m going to try to keep up without getting overwhelmed. I hope everybody has a great day. Gary

 

Patti,

As soon as I read your messages to Marcey and George, tears started streaming down my face... What you said to Jack... It's so beautiful.... so bittersweet.... I totally agree that, as you said it better than I ever could, "We are each a gift in this life to one another from God." I am praying for you Patti, praying that your vision is returns to normal... You are such an amazing person... even though you're having so much difficulty with your vision, you are knitting scarfs for those in need.

Please take care of yourself the best you possibly can... I can't help repeating what I said earlier today, you are much loved by all your friends here.

As always, sending you hugs, wishing you peace, all of us peace. DEB