Sudden and unexpected

Yes, Karen, that was cut off bc I was trying
to reply to you & Deb at the same time.
When you read my post to Deb, you will
see that I even said Jack's name instead
of Bob's. I couldn't multitask like Linda.
I think you will find what I was trying to
say before being cut off, when you read
my post to Deb. I guess I'm tired ----
heading toward 9:30 pm on another
cold night ( but I'm not complaining!). Lou

 

Sleep good.

 

Deb, you said you were too frazzled to
talk, but I'm glad you were able to laugh
about Ginny. Unfortunately, I didn't
realize I was frazzled, too, and screwed up
BIG TIME!!! I was trying to tell you a long
sad memory of Linda in that room in the
horrible, scary rooming house with
criminals. I had been "talking" with Karen
at the same time I was replying to you.
I even said "Jack", when I meant your
husband, Bob. Anyway, you will see that
my flashback was triggered by the sound
of Linda's salad spinner. I better get under
the covers on another cold night & go to
sleep earlier tonight. Hope you have a good sleep, Deb. Lou

 

Hi Lou, folks here in this area of (South Carolina) refer
to the Northern part, as Upstate, I am not too far from the
Appalachian mountains .
Visited apple orchard last week got half peck of
apples. I like homemade applesauce and have old
favorite recipes for cinnamon,and Carmel candy
coated apples.
Going to watch Tom Zubas Videos on You Tube
again, maybe I can get his book in larger print.
Will check to see if Jonathon has any You Tube videos.
Wishing you and all others here a good nights rest.
Prayers tomorrow will be a better day for ALL of us,
here at GIC.
Blessings, Patti

 

Hi Gary, by any chance have you been to Angola Indiana?
Or live near there.we was there a short time in the 60s
during winter, oh my goodness it was sooooo cold, the
college students carved ice sculptures, BEAUTIFUL they were.
Blessings, Patti

 

Patti, woke up briefly at 1::39 am & saw
your replies to Gary & me. Thank you!.Was
shocked & pleased that you live in South
Carolina. Not sure why I thought you were
In Upstate N.Y, I'm surprised your
neighbors are unfriendly. What happened
to " Southern Hospitality"? I've met
some tourists from there , who were
friendly, but, of course, they were happy
to be away on vacation. Glad you'll try to
get the Zuba videos or large print books.
Last I saw, Jonathan was on a panel with
Joyce Carol Oates, at a book tour, etc, He
talked about The Widower's Notebook in
a radio interview, He's written many
international best selling thriller/
mysteries. Well, back to sleep, it's funny
that you & Deb live in the same state, but
must be in very different parts..... Lou

 

Gary,

As soon as I read your message to Patti, I had to respond. Cheryl and I have something in common. The Roaring Twenties is one of my favorite decades. I especially love the clothing the flappers wore, and the architecture. Bob and I loved the series, "Boardwalk Empire." I loved it in spite of the fact that during some of the gory scenes, I had to bury my face in Bob's chest. It was such a well done series, great actors, I'm especially thinking Steve Bocemi. Even if I hadn't enjoyed the series so much, I would have watched it anyway, just for the scenery, architecture, and costumes.

I'm sorry you were feeling so anxious yesterday. I hope getting on your exercise bike helped. Exercise is the absolute best!!! Today is a rainy, gloomy day. I think I'm going to be mostly a couch potato and reread parts of the "Widower's Notebook."

I hope today is a much better one for you with that seemingly endless roller coaster ride stopping near the top. I hope you have at least one, but hoping more than one reason to LMSO today.

As always, sending you hugs, wishing you peace, all of us peace. DEB

 

Hey Patti! You are so right... I try to stop that "stinkin thinkin'" or as I call them CeeDeez and ANTs... for Cognitive Distortions and Automatic Negative Thoughts. They are just so normal yet pervasive! I used to love reading so much but it has been hard. Did manage to finish two books this weekend. Just not going on line. It is so hard when there is nothing you want to do but in fact doing stuff makes me feel better., That is so cool how you can involve yourself with knitting. I need to discover my equivalent. We all will persevere cuz what else is there to do... Can't imagine total nothing! I used to love baseball. I just can't handle the loudness and constant commercials I think. Peace and joy!

 

Lou,

No need to apologize!!! I knew right away you meant to say Bob. And I agree with you, that the accident might have been meant to be since all of us are mourning the loss of the one true love of our lives...

It made me teary eyed, reading about the horrible living situations you and Linda had to endure... I totally "get" how the sound of that salad spinner can bring back so many horrible memories for you. Every time I hear the sirens of an emergency vehicle, I start crying, shaking, that feeling of impending doom returns, and it takes me immediately back to all those way beyond scary times when I had to call for help for Bob...

Hearing your story, only makes it even more apparent how much love you and Linda had, and you still have, for each other. Your story is truly a love story... It takes a very special kind of love to deepen and grow from all the adversity you and Linda had to face... I just went from tears to smiles, thinking about the love you and Linda shared.

I'm sorry it's taken me so long to get back to you. I got a text from a friend who called me three days ago. In my widow foggy brain state of mind, I forgot to call her back!!! This foggy widow brain thing SUCKS BIG TIME!!!,TU!!!

I've only had a chance to catch up on a couple of the messages here, so this is one of my all time short ones. As always, I'm thinking about Bob, wondering what funny thing he would have to say about this.


I hope your day is off to a good start, that you have many more reasons to LMSO, than to cry...

As always, sending you hugs, wishing you peace, all of us peace. DEB

 

Hey Lou and Grief Warriors managed to snatch the etherNet cable for my deskTop so I can internet until I get tired of sitting up. Cold and wet here in west subUrban Centraa (Chicago)... I finished the Master and Margarita book so thatz two this weekend. I should do something. There's that evil "should" word again! What to do what to do... Thanks for saying again I'm brave, I sure don't feel like it today. Itz great to hear I'm tuff because once again I don't feel it. I'm cold and blah and so stirred up inside. My grief has gone underground and in it's place is this blank feeling rather hopeless and unsettled. I guess I DO NOT like the rain. I think I've had PTSD sine I was a 6 year old watching my father die. Valerie's death has brought this all back unpleasantly!

 

Patti,

Read your message to Gary and want to respond. I used to love all the ice sculptures that I saw in Boston during the holiday season. They were so beautiful... I can't even begin to imagine how much work went into creating them.

Backing way up, when I was very young, my great aunts, grandmother, and mother used to take me into the city to see the Jordan Marsh (this department store has been out of business for a long time) Christmas display. It was huge!!!, or at least in the eyes of a young child. So beautiful... I used to look forward to seeing it every year. We always went out for lunch and did some shopping too. Thanks for bringing back some good memories for me.

As always, sending you hugs, wishing you peace, all of us peace. DEB

 

Perfect timing, again, Deb! It's raining &
dark here, too. If you read my long sad
post last night about Linda's use of a
salad spinner in a room at that halfway
house, or as Linda called it, the. "horror
house", you will see that Mr. Grief
punched me in the face and on my
stomach. Happened again just now,
unexpectedly. I looked up Steve Buscemi,
and was shocked & shaken to. see, on the
Nicki Swift site , that his wife, filmmaker
Jo Andres, 64, died after a year long
battle with ovarian cancer. They had a
loving marriage, with one son. He said
they made a promise never to be apart
for more than 3 weeks, bc it was
unbearable for them. He also suffered
from PTSD after volunteering for the
search & rescue efforts following the 9/11
attacks. Jo died Jan.19, 2 months after
Linda died, which is why I never heard
about his tragic story. Mr. Grief made me
sob today, out of empathy for Steve &
his beloved soulmate & wife, Jo, & a flashback to the last time I saw Linda.
I was just about to thank Gary about
referencing the "unmoored" chapter in
Jonathan's book. I reread it in bed last
night, & was struck how it captured all
my similar feelings, like when he felt
he was walking through cement. TBC,
time for therapy. Talk soon. Lou

 

George,

I'm sorry you're struggling so much. I totally "get" the feeling of feeling like you need to do something. Days seem to drag on endlessly and go by quickly all at the same time. It's a miserable rainy day here too. I think I'm going to spend most of the day being a couch potato, rereading parts of "The Widower's Notebook."

I haven't experienced that "blank feeling," that you're describing, but it sounds like it SUCKS BIG TIME!!!, TU!!! I didn't know you watched your father die. What a horrible!!!, tragic event for anyone to have to experience, especially for someone so young as you were, just six years old, TU!!! Hugs...

Be gentle with yourself. You are much stronger than you think you are, and as (I think) Gary said, you are dealing with way more than most of us are. Please take care of yourself the very best you can.

I know what I said doesn't help you at all, but I just want you to know I'm "listening." I hope you have at least one reason to LMSO today...

As always, sending you hugs, wishing you peace, all of us peace. DEB

 

That's horrible about you watching your
father die, when you were so young,
George. Linda's death, at 68, from cancer,
was eerily similar to my grandmother's
death at 69, from cancer. I was extremely
depressed & stayed home from school
when she died. Dark & rain here ( &
in South Carolina, where Deb & Patti
live). Reminds me of Karen Carpenter
song: "Rainy days, & Mondays...." Lou

 

I thought I was kinda over it... My childhood was extremely... "not good!" LOL... to say the least. Valeries death brought it all back. Took garbage to the kerb it is so cold and widy today... what do I want? That I can have. Contact with the Grief Warriors... thtz good!

 

Hey Deb! Your kind wishes and writing to me and love and hugz and peace really do help! I can't thank you enough. Valerie's loss has brought all my other losses back itz true. Yet I just feel so scabbed over and irrelevant today. It is so cold wet and windy. Maybe find another book. See how long I can stay on line for today! Ha ... Best care and friendliest wishes of peace and love. I want to do better! I really do!

 

Thanks again for acknowledging my tuffness and strength. I just don't see it. I'm not trying to be a 'dorkwad' but I just try too get through every day. It's hard because you know your life is not the same but itz unknown and you don't know what it is and a day like today all cold windy and raw and damp you just feel so out-of-it and lethargic and not at all strong but you want to be strong so you can be kind to yourself and others. I'm a real dolt but whatz a "halfLady"?

 

Lou,

I responded to your message from last night about the salad spinner. I hope you find it. It's so easy to miss messages here, I do it all the time. Backing up a bit, your message from last night made me teary eyed at first, reading about the horrible living conditions you and Linda had to endure... But, and this is one of those really BIG BUTS!!!, then it made me smile, thinking about how strong the love you had for each other, you still have, truly is. If you don't find my message, let me know. I'll try to rewrite it, or even better, see if I can copy it on a new message.

Sending extra hugs your way... I HATE!!! how when we least expect it, grief, like a cold, dark cloud hanging over our heads, can explode at any minute, soaking us in a torrential downpour of sadness... I HATE!!! the way triggers are everywhere... that life is like one seemingly endless roller coaster ride of emotions... stopping way too often at the bottom, and unable to exit the ride... It makes me sad when I think that from now on, all of life will be bittersweet...

I'm so very sorry you were reminded of the last time you saw Linda when you read about all the heartbreak Jo and Steve Bocemi had to endure... It makes me sad too, especially since Bob's death, and I now fully understand the total heartbreak that Steve Bucemi experienced, you experienced, all TGW experienced...

I had a dream about Bob and woke up crying this morning. I don't remember it, just that I "saw" him, heard his voice, and woke up. So many of TGW are struggling right now... Somehow, we will all get through this together because WE ARE TGW!!!

I hope today's therapy session with Bob is a good one, that you feel much better once you get off the phone.

Sending many more extra hugs your way, wishing you peace, all of us peace. DEB

 

George,

I think even though you don't see it, you've made so much progress already towards healing. As I said earlier, you are much stronger than you think you are, TU!!! It's still raining..., so gloomy out. It affects my mood too. Do whatever you need to do to make it through today. Take care of yourself the best you can, If you don't feel like doing anything, it's okay. If you want to read, I hope you find another book. Although we need to fully experience, feel all this unbearable pain, in order to heal, distractions are necessary too. Grieving is such an exhausting process, both mentally and physically.

As always, sending you hugs, wishing you peace, all of us peace. DEB

 

George with that attitude you were going to do better. you are going to make a come back. I can’t imagine what it was like to see your father die at such a young age. I find myself missing Cheryl more and more each day lately. Some thing on my phone started to run a slideshow of photos with really sad music behind it and all the pictures of Cheryl. I couldn’t take it. I had a really good balling jag. I had to turn it off. Zumba writes we will never ever be the person we once were before the person we loved dearly died. That was like smash mouth grief reality. I like George using the word perseverance. Better moments will come. The rainy skies will clear off tomorrow. Yes Patti I lived in Angola. Actually that’s where I was today seeing my dentist. Did you go to tri state college there? Mom dad and my brother moved to Angola in 1968 and we stayed there till 1972. Two summers I was employed at Pokagon State Park. Dad took me ice fishing and hunting a lot back then. that’s where I developed my love for nature. Deb I can tell you’re getting better by the way you’re reaching out with compassion to all of us. We really appreciate that. I want you to know hugs for you too. It’s neat that you and Cheryl loved the roaring 20s. Cheryl used to talk dirty to me like she was a hooker. It made me feel uncomfortable at first. But then I found myself enjoying it more and more. I realized in her previous life she truly was a flapper girl. Lou reading the books you have suggested gives us guidance. And the fellowship makes this a like a complete recovery program. I need to thank my lucky stars every day for TGW on GIC. Peace. Gary