Sudden and unexpected

Thanks, Deb! Karen liked The Grief
Warriors, too. Haven't heard from Gary,
George, & Patti yet. Hope Robin's OK.
She hasn't written in a while. I love
making you, Karen, & others laugh.
Karen wants me to continue my typos
to keep her "giggling". My classic "thongs"
didn't get by you! Even though Al Pacino
is older than I am, at 80 (!), he's short
like me. After he did The Godfather, I
saw him perform as King Richard III,
with a humpback, at a church in Boston.
Needless to say, the place was packed &
people were excited to see him. At one
point, the audience gasped bc some
creature was suddenly flying over our
heads. Pacino interrupted his speech to
say, "It's a bat!!". Everyone laughed, bc he
brol

Thank you, Gary, for quoting my "The
Grief Warriors" idea. So far, Deb, Karen,
and you, are on board. I also like that you
quote Karen's "Mr. Grief", who rears his
ugly head, when we least expect it. As for
your sister-in-law. try not to get trapped in
her toxic bitterness & anger. There's a
widow, 73, in town. We met at a widowed
persons club. We were the youngest
people there, & formed a bond. We ate
at the Shack bar & had a good time. She
invited me to 2 Christmas parties, as her
plus one, at the homes of her "girlfriends"
of 50 years. All good, until we went to a
bar to see the daughter of one her friends
sing at the bar. She seemed to be angry.
When a friend of mine walked in, I
introduced them to each other. He's 65,
divorced, and his daughter died tragically
in a car crash, at 16. We formed a bond
over grief. I don't drink anymore, but he's
been drinking more. He came in with a
blind date, much younger than he is, and
when he walked away, the widow was
furious & asked me why men his age were
with younger women. I told her about
his only daughter, and asked her if she
would deny his happiness. She didn't
answer. The next morning, I was texting
my friend, who noticed how angry the
widow looked. I said that she should
"lose her anger" & that it was not an
attractive trait. I said that other widows
I knew were more attractive. Well, Gary,
I inadvertently sent my text to the
widow. I was mortified when I realized
what I had done. I got a terse reply from
her: "Now I know how you REALLY
feel". It was chilling. I sent her a box
of chocolates, with a card that I was
sorry I messed up & that I valued our
friendship. She returned the box when
I wasn't home. I knew we could no longer
be friends. The funny thing is that I feel
relieved. We travel in different circles,
and have completely opposite views on
mourning. My mistake happened for a
reason. Be strong, Gary. Your permission
to mourn overrides your sister-in-law.
Remember your fear of meeting your
uncle, which turned out OK. Lou

 

Lou thanks for sharing your experience about the toxic angry and bitter individual. I love the message. I did get a LMSO when I read how you inadvertently sent your text to the wrong party. I like how you felt relieved when the toxic relationship ended. Sending Deb and Karen an extra big hug today. On my bike ride Monday I saw a rabbit dead on the road and thought he won’t last long. on my way back home turkey buzzards were having a nice meal. Today the turkey buzzards were feasting on a dead deer. I thought about the animal Kingdom changing form in regards to reincarnation. I would like to come back as a dragonfly to be consumed by a frog which was eaten by a snake that was eaten by a mink which evolved into a redtail hawk. The turkey buzzards in Indiana are protected and are considered as raptors. I used to volunteer for raptor rehab place called Soarin hawks. I was dispatched to injured raptors, capture them and take it back to home base. I only did 10 to 12 rescues. The native Americans revered the raptors because they were closer to the Great Spirit. I’m starting to ramble so catch up with everybody later. Hugs. Gary

 

Gary, glad you liked my wrong text story.
I went to my grief counselor & was angry
with how stupid & careless I was, at the
time. My wise young friend,
Kim, who's like a daughter to me, has a
strong spiritual belief that "it will all
work out, Lou" whenever I"m anxious
about something. As far as "raptors" go,
I keep thinking of poor Wayne Knight's
character, being mauled & brutally
killed by one in "Jurassic Park". Linda &
I saw that movie in the theater when it
came out & it was scary! Lou

 

I feel so bad about your "auras " of
migraines, Deb. Only those who have the
absolute misery of them, can understand.
I recall when I was a boy, playing catch
with a friend. He told me his father's
migraines were so bad, that he had to lie
down in a completely darkened, quiet
room. It was the first time I ever heard
of migraines, and they sounded really
scary. Not to compare at all, but I can
sometimes get air pressure headaches,
in the middle of night. When that happens,
I take 2 extra strength Tylenol tablets,
sit at a table, with an orange, GF cereal,
with bananas & walnuts, & coffee. I stay
at the table, looking for a Grief Warrior,
who might have insomnia. The instant
coffee doesn't keep me awake for long.
I'm lucky that I can go to sleep after
the weak coffee. As for Halloween, I
loved trick or treating. Then, COVID
happened & robbed children of their
fun. I don't give a damn about the
holiday. If anything, it depresses me,
bc the Neck closes for the season, on
Halloween. I WILL hop on that bus, for a change of scene, I write to you
Loup

 

OK, Deb, I think I may be hallucinating.
I could've sworn I answered you before
about Halloween. Maybe, in my "foggy"
widower's mind, I forgot to press "Post
Reply". What I thought I wrote, is that
when I was a boy, I loved wearing a
costume & trick or treating, in my
neighborhood. I felt bad for children,
who couldn't do the same, due to COVID.Linda & I were always annoyed
that Thanksgiving gets short shrift, next
to Christmas.When I was a boy, I went to
my uncle's house for Thanksgiving. Linda
liked going out for a sit down ( not
buffet) matinee dinner

 

Lou are there any YMCA’s in your area, fitness centers, or malls to walk in just to get out and not be stuck inside because winter? Has the sky been clear in the evening so you can see the full moon rise against the ocean? Thanks for the tip on the book permission to mourn. It’s a whole new dimension of our grief journey that I would’ve never thought possible. When I learned in school that the human mind is only using 10% of its Ability I understand the rest must have something to do with a supernatural. I have to exist in the dream world to survive losing Cheryl. I forgot to mention when I was on my bike ride today a yellow butterfly nearly hit me in the head. That was Cheryl and the butterfly could’ve easily hit me in the mouth. I ducked not knowing what it was. it could’ve been a kiss from Cheryl. Zuba Writes they are right here right now. Gary

 

There is a YMCA, Gary, but it doesn't have
an indoor track. The Senior Center sends
a busload of seniors, older than I am,
to walk the mall, but I have no interest
My memories of going to the crowded,noisy mall, are not good ones.
When Linda became ill, she ordered our
clothes via catalogs. Now, I'm a loyal
customer of the family run clothing
stores in town. I'm not afraid to walk
in the cold. I wear layered clothing under
my winter coat. I can take a shortcut,
up on a hill, away from a heavy wind from
the ocean. We have been fortunate that
we haven't had much snow since 2015.
I have new shoe boots, rather than
sneakers, for the winter. In the rare
instances of ice on the ground, I stay
inside. The last thing I need is a broken
hip. I don't walk outside at night, but I
did see the moon, on a clear night, from
my window. I don't walk outside to see
sunrise, but I have enjoyed beautiful
sunsets. We don't have factories or
manufacturing plants in my small town,
so we have no air pollution. Love your
butterfly story, and a possible kiss from
Cheryl. Very moving. You share that
experience with Deb & Karen. Hope
you have a relaxing evening . Lou

 

Deb, I heard that it is important, as we ag. e,
to learn at least one new thing every day,
to counter against dementia, as best we can. Studies have shown that elderly
people who live a sedentary life alone,
with very little stimulus, "staring at the
4 walls", tend to develop dementia
earlier than those who keep their
minds active, and exercise ( in my case,
walking). A good habit I picked up since
Linda died, is to write down the names
of people I meet on the Neck, or in the
Shack, or elsewhere. I also try new
restaurants, & explore different places
on my walks. You pointed to one of my
favorite quotes: " Variety is the spice of
life". My sense of humor, my ability to
laugh & make others laugh, is to observe
my interactions with people: As in the
famous Clint Eastwood movie, The Good,
The Bad, and The Ugly!! Lou

 

Lou and Gary. Jack and I always sat outside, snow, rain, cold, heat every afternoon called Happy Hour. We would put on our snow clothes for the cold, bring out our chairs and sit either on our deck or outback. Yes, we were cold, but we had to get out of the house. Neighbors thought we're crazy, yes crazy happy. In summer we would put on our swim suits and sit on the deck or out back again with our squirt water bottles and fans. Jack even took off all his clothes and sat in his favorite chair with his water squirt bottle, he could of been a very "HAPPY' hippie.
So, Lou, I'm so glad you are not afraid to walk in the cold, layered and ready to go. Fresh air in any season is good for our soul. I still sit on our deck and will continue Jack and my tradition hoping he's sitting right beside me in our chairs.

 

Lou,

I'm sorry you get headaches too. All kinds of headaches suck!!! Migraines suck big time, but I'm lucky because I get auras before the pain. If I take 800 mg of ibuprofen within 5 minutes of the beginning of the aura, it usually stops the migraine from hitting. However, it's hard to describe, but even if I don't get the migraine, the experience leaves me way beyond exhausted. All I want to do is become a couch potato for the rest of the day. Sometimes like you getting those air pressure headaches, I'll wake up in the middle of the night with an aura. If it happens at night, I'm usually okay in the morning, and can function, just at a slightly slower speed.

Halloween was always one of Bob's favorite holidays. He loved!!! taking our children trick or treating so much, that I would usually volunteer to stay home and pass out the candy. I would open the door in a costume. The little ones were so cute!!! There were always a few who wanted that candy, but were scared to come all the way up to the front door, but I always made sure I was able to put something into their bags. Our dog used to stand next to me whenever I opened the door, decked out in one of her many festive bandanas. She must have had at least a dozen for every holiday. My best friend bought her the most adorable St. Patty's Day bandana. Of course, it said "Kiss me, I'm Irish" on the front of it. She was well loved and got lots of kisses. (I know lots of people don't like the idea of kissing dogs, but we not only kissed her, she liked to sleep with us. (I'll tell you about this another time if I remember.) She was 90 pounds of long, fluffy white and yellow fur, so adorable and sweet. She was one of the nicest, friendliest dogs I've ever known. She would have made a great therapy dog, but I didn't have the time to train her between taking care of the kids and helping to run the family business. I better change the subject because once I start "talking" about my very favorite fur baby, I have a hard time stopping. Don't want to bore you to tears!!!

Like you and Linda, I have no idea why it seems like Thanksgiving always gets the short end of the stick. Bob used to say he thought it was because it wasn't as big a money maker as Halloween and Christmas. Which reminds me, I hate!!! the way we're constantly bombarded with adds during the holidays, but will get off my soapbox before I even begin.

We used to bring the children to our parents' homes for Thanksgiving. Bob's side of the family was big and there was always a separate table for the kids, not enough room around the dining room table even when both leaves in place. My side of the family was much smaller. It was a long day, dinner at one place, dessert at another... We were glad when we were finally at home, the kids were in bed, and we could just relax for awhile. I'm getting teary eyed, so stopping here.... I miss Bob so much... Even though my head knows he's gone, my heart still wants to believe, however irrational it is, that he will be back. GRIEVING SUCKS BIG TIME!!!

I think I might be turning this into a short book, so stopping here, before I keep on going, like that Energizer Bunny. Which reminds me, I need to get new batteries for my smoke detectors.

Really ending this now.

As always, sending you hugs, wishing you peace, all of us peace. DEB

 

Lou,

I agree with you, it's so important to exercise, do things that make you think, explore new places, etc., etc., etc. Alzheimer's scares me. I have a first cousin on my father's side of the family who died of early onset Alzheimer's at 57. My grandmother, also on my father's side of the family had Alzheimer's. And finally, my mother suffered from it. It is one of the reasons I try to eat as healthy as I possibly can, and get in some regular exercise. I don't know how much of it is hereditary. I don't think I want to know. I pray that none of my children ever develop it. Backing up a bit, Bob's father suffered from some sort of dementia at the end of his life.

I think it's a gift to be able to make people laugh. Bob liked to make people laugh as much as you do. His timing when he was about to say something funny was always perfect. I miss him so much... I need a tissue.

As always, sending you hugs, wishing you peace, all of us peace. DEB

 

Karen,

Bob could have easily as you said it, been a "HAPPY hippie" too. Thanks for the laugh!!!

As always, wishing you peace, all of us peace. DEB

 

Thank you, Karen, for your support and
encouragement. I kept Linda's cane &
walker, if anything happened to my legs.
I also kept her shower bench, but
fortunately didn't have to use it. If
anything more serious were to occur,
and, God forbid, I couldn't walk, I would
by a motorized wheelchair,so as not to
miss out on socializng, and gazing at
the changing tides of the ocean. Lou

 

Gary,

I love!!! your butterfly story, TU!!! I agree with you. It definitely was Cheryl. We need to always watch for signs from our loved ones. I believe that Cheryl, Linda, Jack, Jack, Ron, Valerie, and Bob, and everyone else's love of their lives, is watching over us. However, it still doesn't take away any of this heartache. GRIEVING SUCKS BIG TIME!!! However, we are TGW!!! We can and will get through this together!!!

As always, sending you hugs, wishing you peace, all of us peace. DEB

 

To all TGWs,

I'm exhausted, so checking out. Wishing all of you sweet dreams...

As always, sending you hugs, wishing you peace, all of us peace. DEB

 

Hooray for you Lou, good attitude for all of us to think about.

 

Deb, I'm so sorry about the history of
dementia and the dreaded Alzheimer's
Disease in both your & Bob's family. We are doing the best we can. Kim's parents
are my age, and quite active, curious about
life, and fun. Kim says all of us look 10
years younger than we are. Part of it is
heredity, part of it, a healthy lifestyle, and
part of it is living in the present, not dwelling in the past, or worrying about
the future. Of course my role model
continues to be Ginny. She is very
interested in people, and only talks about
her past, if asked. I'm much better, ( but
still have bad mornings, or sad dreams
waking up from a nap), than I was, for
about 6 months after Linda died. Hope
you have a better sleep tonight than
last night, Deb. Bc I was up in the night,
keeping in touch with TGW, I had to take
a half hour nap. That was perfect. Longer
than that would negatively affect my
sleep tonight. Pleasant dreams for all of
us! Lou

 

I can't believe that I've had giggles lately with the Grief Warriors and I'm just now starting to share some stories which I was not ready to do.
So, I guess what Tom Zuba says, "Share, talk about your stories over and over again, I'm listening".
Thank you GW. Karen P. S. I thought how could telling your stories over and over again help, Well.

 

Thanks, Karen. I got the idea seeing an
older man. with a white beard. bombing
around on his wheelchair downtown &
on the Neck. Then, he sits in the shade on
Main St. & greets locals & tourists alike. L