my husband died 3 weeks ago and I am still traumatized by over 2 weeks in ICU and I read this feeling can last for months or even years. I feel so sad that all I do is wring my hands and wander around the house.
I lost my husband of 35 years 14 months ago. It was very sudden and a complete shock. At first I was like you, wandering around the house in disbelief. But slowly you will begin to accept that it is real and you will try to get to a new “normal”. I would like to tell you that the feelings go away but they don’t. They just change into more accepting feelings of your loss. My feelings change all the time from sadness, to anger over his life being cut short, to brief feelings of happiness thinking of him. The best things that have helped me are writing letters and talking out loud to my husband. I think of him 24/7. But asking him questions out loud and envisioning what he would say to me, gets me through the days. Sometimes I like to believe he has sent me some signs that he is near. That comforts me. Look for signs from your husband, even if they may or may not be real, is up to you, but it helps. I wish you all the best, your emotions will be constantly changing for awhile. But slowly it does get to an easier existence.
I have crying days where I would feel better if someone would hit me....but no one will. I am a trying to get out and do things and that is helping. I will try your suggestions. My house feels so empty, like where are the things of our 30 year life together. I know it’s our stuff but it does not feel like it. He died April 17 so maybe it’s too soon to feel my life again.
Yes that is still very early days for you. I totally feel for you. It’s hard to be patient but things will ease up some. At first I boxed up my husband’s things and could not bear to think of memories. But slowly I have put his things back out and have begun reading all our old cards and looking at pictures. It still hurts tremendously, but I can get a little joy from it now. Yes, I know what you mean about your things not feeling like yours. In time they will begin to seem like yours again, but they will always carry the memories of your husband. Just take your days slowly and try not to think ahead too far. It’s too difficult to plan anything since your emotions will be everywhere. I have a shelf where I put out a few of my husband’s favorite things. I light a candle on the 12th of each month for him. These little things seem to help me. I went to a counselor but she just wanted me to go out and join groups in the area. I didn’t want that. I hope your days get more bearable. You probably will find you will come out of the “shock” phase, and enter a kind of reality stage. But I found I went back and forth into the shock where I couldn’t believe it happened. I’m not sure where I am now. After 14 months I thought it would feel much better from what people said to me. But it’s actually still as painful as the day he died. But I can at least put things into the back of my mind while I work. I had to take several months off as I couldn’t do it. Please keep posting how you are doing. You are still in the early days of shock I think. God Bless.
