Stages of Grief: Anger

I wish you good vibes for many good days! Much love!

 

Hope it's calm for you today.
TB just made awesome homeMade fried rice and we actually went to Target for needed supplies!

 

Hey, George! You're a busy guy, but in a
good way, settling in. Your spirits seem
better. Stopped raining, mild today, so I'm
skipping cafe, & walking to Neck. I've often
found a change of plans can sometimes
lead to a better situation. Lou

 

I am so thankful for all of you and your honesty in dealing with all that we go through in our loss of our loved ones.For sharing is a great help to myself.Thanks Deb for your words and Lou for coming up with TGW for some of you already know that I had “WARRIOR” in big letters on the kitchen wall while my wife fought the monster,those letters are still on the wall for me.I also had “WARRIOR”tattooed on my forearm.One of my golf buddies lost his wife to an aneurysm while in Florida and you go to the visitation and you know the pain that he is feeling and the last time I talked with him he said it’s just awful.That is a good way to put it.Everything you do even the joy of being in Colorado visiting my daughter and her husband and my three grandchildren I just think Honey you should be here also for this is what we worked so hard for.I just don’t know.l also like hearing how all of you are handling this as the time goes on.Almost two years in February and I still can’t believe what happened. All I can do is don’t give up ,one day at a time used to be a cliche but it’s truth now.To all of you my 2nd Christmas they say the first of everything is tough but the 2nd not much better.Merry Christmas to all ,take care be strong and very courageous ,God bless.

 

Hello, I just saw your moving post, in which you said kind things to my close
friend, Deb, and gave credit to me for
creating TGW. Thank you. I was about to
welcome you, & then realized you've been
on GIC longer than I have. I joined end of
July, but my wife, Linda, died suddenly, at
68, right before Thanksgiving, 3 years ago.
My name is Lou. I'm 72. I live on the
northern coast of Massachusetts. Do you
mind if I ask your name, and that of your
wife ?. I've found that I've become closer to
other GW, when we talk about our spouses
by name. I've become closer to God, since
Linda's death, and feel His Presence when
I look out to sea. It's good to meet you. As
Deb says,I wish it weren't under these
circumstances. Lou

 

Lou I love to listen to the ancients (older generation) talk. Cheryl‘s dad lived to 93 years old. Like everyone back then he grew up on a farm. he was a World War II veteran. George was his name and he worked maintenance for the Fort Wayne Parks department. George was an auctioneer and owned his own business. George was easy to talk to and liked to reminisce. I like reggae music. I lived in Trinidad 11 months back in 1980 where I worked construction. I just missed the Carnaval. George (our younger brother) I’m glad to hear you got two walks in a row and had a good healthy breakfast from TB. I’ve been listening to “all of my love” by Zep. I play it when I’m visiting Cheryl‘s shrine in the evenings. Have you ever heard of Zeparalla? They are an all female band that does Led Zeppelin songs. Check them out on YouTube. I find them addictive. I just had a triple play. I went to town and got a haircut, 10 gallons of distilled water, and groceries. The weather is beautiful here. Lou I would think it was a conspiracy if I ran into 2 loudmouths back to back in one of my hangouts. I hope you have a pleasant time today. and I hope the weather cleared off enough so you could take a walk and get to your favorite place the ocean. It seems like we’re all on a roll today. It’s a wonderful thing. Gary

 

Thank you for a perfect message, Gary.
It turned out to be the mildest day of the
week, so I skipped that cafe ( I was afraid
it might be 3 strikes), & went to my quiet
lunch spot across the street from the
ocean. I like the music, which ranges from
Reggae, blues, motown, The Beatles, etc.
On Mon, a tall Christmas tree was placed
in the town square, right outside the
Shack. Very soon, there will be lights on
the Shack, & other stores and restaurants
on the Neck. With darkness, at 4:30, we
need all the glow we can get. Lou

 

Hello Tgotyall my name is Gary. I’m sorry for your loss. I lost my girlfriend Cheryl of nine years seven months ago suddenly and unexpectedly. The only improvement I’ve made in my grief is knowing I have a group of friends where we understand each other. Our shared pains and sufferings don’t make us feel so alone. Before GIC I had grief support meetings once every two weeks. Lou has tipped us off to some really good books. Permission to mourn by Tom Zuba is my favorite. A widower’s notebook by Jonathan Santloffer is what I’m currently reading. I’m glad you’re following us. Please join us regularly. It is nice to know names though. When you feel comfortable let us get to know you. I live in North Eastern Indiana. Take good care of yourself. Gary

 

Totally wiped after dialysis. Let's see if I can sleep past 4 am for a change! Take care L.

 

George. woke up after midnight & saw your message. Hope you sleep later, too.
If not, you can reach me around 6am,
my time. Lpu

 

Lou, not "Lpu". Haha.Back to sleep!!

 

Lou I am enjoying the Widower’s notebook more. The chapter “that’s cool” opened my eyes to a book about grief with a personality instead of being so factual. I like how Jonathan honestly expresses his myriad of emotions in every situation And constantly second guesses himself. I like how he makes the point how grieving spouses are judged by our peers. What chapters do you re-read the most? George I hope you slept well and have a lot more energy today. It was my turn to get up at 3:30 this morning and not be able to get back to sleep. My home is still cluttered. After letting go of 90% of Cheryl‘s items I have piles of stuff in some areas and voids in others. We have two nice weather days in a row here. Hope everyone has a good start to their morning. Gary

 

Hey Lpu!
Slept in.. until 6-ish at least. Had disturbing dreams all night unfortunately. Not doing good so far. Hope it improves.

 

At least the weather was mild yesterday! Was ok yesterday but now not so much. Very disturbing dreams even though I got to sleep more. After D. TB wanted to go on about troubles with his GF. I was a good listener I think, just so tired after 4 hours of numbing chair sitting. Just wanted to sleep. He made a good dinner. Hope I feel better today. Hope you do too!

 

Hey, George! The 3 brothers are writing
at the same time this morning! I woke up
at 7am, instead of my usual 6am. I don't
want to get the cold that's been going
around. Last Friday, my favorite funny
bartender, father of a one year old, was
out sick. It was the day after Thanksgiving,
& the Shack was boring, so I left. I think
I may pass tonight. It"s very cold this
weekend. My health comes first! So sorry
Mr. Grief tormented you last night. I can
sympathize , bc I had a night of tossing &
turning recently, and had to take a nap.
Hope your day gets better. Gary had a
bad night, too. He's reading The Widower's
Notebook, and he wants my opinions, soI'm about to answer him. Wish we "Three
Amigos" could get together! Lou

 

I wish I had more to say. Just not doing good still. Peace and calm and health

 

Gary, great to see you & George this
early morning, but I'm sorry both of you
had lousy nights. I happened to sleep OK,
but recently I had the same problems you
&George did. I like your Mr. Grief ( thank
you, Karen), and his "amusement park"
analogy. I remember the "Tunnel of
Horrors" train ride. As you moved along
in the darkness, creepy faces. would
suddenly appear, and people would
scream. Little did I know that I would
experience that, for real, later in life. So
glad you're reading Jonathan's book. I've
reread Good and Bad Friends & Stupid
Things Said by Smart People. I also get a
kick out of the lighter, more humorous
chapters, like "What Men Want" and
"That's Cool". Almost a year after Linda
died, I was drinking at an open air bar
one Sept late afternoon. A younger woman
sat on a barstool right next to me, which
struck me as odd, bc there were other
seats between us. We started talking, & I
bought her a drink. Then, I asked her to
go to the Shack with me ( big mistake).
At the Shack, I told her I was a widower.
She listened sympathetically, and rubbed
my arms & shoulders. It felt good ( why
wouldn't it?). Turns out she was only 50.
Like Jonathan, I didn't say my age, but
it didn't seem to matter to her. Suddenly,
she kissed me full on the lips. I felt.......
nothing. A red flag went up that she was
slurring her words. She was from the city,
& I was worried about her driving. I offered another room in my 2 bedroom
apartment. When I came out of the men's
room, she was gone. The next day, the
bartender showed me the police blotter
in the local paper. She was arrested for
her SECOND DUI. The bartender said, "Lou,
you dodged a bullet". The woman never
came to my town again, and I was relieved.
My last drink was in Nov, 2019, 2 months
after the incident, and one year after
Linda's death. Now, if I were to meet
another woman ( as Linda had wished
for me),she would probably be from out
of town, bc my town's population is very
small in all the seasons, except summer
tourist season. I don't want to get married
again. I like the quiet of my apartment, and
the freedom to come & go. But, and here's
the BIG BUTS, as Deb amusingly says, I
might like a female companion, who had
her own place. Lou

 

The story of the kiss reminded me of the “that’s cool” chapter too. At least you weren’t tempted by the offer of a threesome. I guess it’s just the three amigos today. I hope all our other fellow GWs are doing OK. The weatherman was wrong here. it’s been cold and damp and cloudy. Good idea Lou to protect your health and avoid the germs tonight. I wear my mask everywhere. I just can’t seem to get inspired today. I’m going to make a come back tomorrow morning and be in my tent early. George it was good you could have a father-son chat with TB today. I always liked the version of the animal house movie; you can’t live with them and you can’t live without them. We must persevere. Gary

 

Hey Lou thanks and am so sorry for the loss of your wife,I wish I didn’t but this is what unfortunately binds us all.No I don’t mind my wife name ,Gina and me ,Tom some still call me Tommy which is fine.We had one vacation to Massachusetts visited Boston with my bro in law and wife,we had such a great time. We loved it and remains a great memory. Take care and that goes for all of you.

 

Thanks, Gary. I knew you'd get a kick out
of my story. Jonathan's was a riot. I also
liked the chapter when a female friend/
party hostess tried to fix him up with a
beautiful younger woman who thought
he was "sexy" but Jonathan declined. I know he doesn't want to get married
again, but I'm not sure if he's dating. Lou