So Alone

THought I might get out today but other than a walk that did not happen!

 

go out and get some dinner somewhere close. you gotta get outa the apt.

 

its killin ya trust me

 

ya wanna call me i am here

 

Bruce, good to see you on here
with Brother George, helping
each other. I read one of your
posts where you said you've
been having strange dreams
about people you didn't know. I
had one like that last night, and
woke up tired. I was tired all day, but cooked dinner for
myself, for the first time in a
while. This will be a necessity,
bc I was shocked, recently ,
to see my very low bank
account . Linda had
the handled the checkbook,
and this wouldn't have happenede

 

happened under her watch . I
collapsed into bed, fast asleep,
at 9:3pm . Checked GIC. and now,
back to so sleep. Lou

 

it has hit me now that i am truely alone. terry has passed starting . starting 8th month. the dust has settled but why do i go from here?

 

Bruce, so terribly to hear of your
painful realization, that after 8
months since her death, Terry
will never be by your side,
physically, on this earth again.
For me, it was the 2 year mark,
& I hit the wall, trying to deal
with my loneliness & grief, by
staying out late, going to bars,
and drinking too much. I didn't
sleep well, and became MORE
depressed until I saw a grief
counselor. She suggested I stop
drinking, which I did. She also
recommended the book: The
Widower's Notebook, a memoir,
by Jonathan Santlofer. At first,
I couldn't read it , and started
sobbing , bc my story was so
close to Jonathan's. His wife of
40 yrs, Joy, died in front of him,
just like Linda, my wife of 25
yrs , died in front of me. After
I put the book away for a week, I started reading it again, one morning, and
couldn't put it down. It's not
bedtime reading, but I
recommended it to our group,
and now to you, Bruce. Lou

 

thanks lou for responding.

 

You're welcome, Bruce. Like
many of us Grief Warriors, as I
call us, I've tried to "get through"
my mourning over Linda,
knowing that we can never
"get over" the deaths of our
soulmates, nor should be asked
to.....Lou

 

another day just like yesterday.not liking it at all. how can it be different i dont know. eat worry eat sleep over and over

 

starting to think about saying im done

 

Bruce, when Linda died, I wanted to go with her, a common feeling for those who've been married a long
time. Then, I remembered a
conversation that Linda & I had,
when her health was declining
and she had a premonition of
her death. She made me promise to be healthy, try to be happy,
and even to find another woman,bc
she didn't want me to be
alone. I've kept the 1st promise,
but
the 2nd, regarding happiness,
varies day by day. As for the
3rd, I'm not actively seeking
another woman , but I can't
say never to another relationship. However, I don't
want to get married again. Lou

 

I have to go out today! And there's the ever-present dialysis!

 

BroGeo, please go out and breathe the air ( hope it's fresh
today!). Just left urologist's
office and thought of you &
what you have to go through
with that damn dialysis. I see
my nephrologist,for 3rd time,
in Oct. I've already started to
change to a renal diet, based on
what I see on the Internet, but
I need the doctor's advice even
more. My dream would be to
have a nutritionist prepare
my meals. I seem to be thinking
about food , and being hungry ,
all the time, which sucks. Funny
thing is that with all my fast
dancing with my women friends,
I lost weight around the waist,
and had to tighten my belt. If
I end up doing dialysis, like you,
George, I know I will do it to
stay alive, or . as Linda said, to
be "above ground" . Lou

 

i need a relasonship. cant stand to be alone.

 

Bruce, my advice would be to
surround yourself with women,
of all ages,before jumping into
an intimate relationship. For
example,I go to a young female
barber, who just had a baby.
When I first went to her, I told
her about Linda, and teared up
when there were no other
customers. I apologized for
using her as a therapist, and
she kindly smiled, and said,
"it's what I do",and we both
laughed. Now, we talk about
everything: our town, people,
events,etc,and I ask about her
baby. As I've said on GIC, I've
been fast dancing with several
female friends, in their late 60s,
all divorced. None of them want
to get married, nor do I. But,
we enjoy hugging each other
each time we meet, and love to
dance to the songs of the 50s
through 70s. You would like that,
Bruce , with your appreciation of music. See if you can find where people get together. I
gave up drinking, but can still
have a good time. Lou

 

i messed up cryin when in certain situations. got that pretty much under control. NOBODY want to hear how u r in real time. i just say i am tryin.

 

There s nothing wrong with
breaking down in unexpected
moments. A kind person would
sympathize with that, Bruce.
Lou