Saturday Nights are killing me.

DEB.love your ever changing
nicknames for yourself and
Skye. We all owe our funny,
and clever, nicknames to our artist,and
wordsmith, Leonardo Bro Geo
from the Windy City ! Lou T.

 

I keep trying The Debonator and Queen TUTTAMville... lately I still feel very anxious, blank, numb and unmotivated the difference is now I can get out and see the ducks! And walk everyday the weather permits. Yesterday we got 9 inches of rain here in BerwynVille. I thought it stopped enough to go out but then the heavy rain started again... and I got all wet! Going through the park a grassy area flooded into a big lake and the ducks were frolicking in this new pond! Thanks for all the love D & S!

 

DEBSTER, we will miss you on
GIC, but know you'll need some
alone time, during your recovery. It is the day before the
4th of July. and I'm on a roller
coaster of emotions. You said
you blushed at my compliments.
I chokeded back tears, when you said, "Keep on dancing,
Godfather Lou..." . Lou T.

 

Tim, your thoughts and actions will be all over the map for however long it takes, but one thing is for certain. You will always remember those last words that she said to you on that Saturday when she broke down and was speaking from her heart, "I just love you so much". Remember not only her words, but also the heart-felt look on her face as she spoke. You will treasure that moment, and it will become your softest pillow. I remember the last look on Janet's face as she lay frail and helpless just before taking her last breath. A long look, but with no words spoken. None were needed. Decades of our life together, our love forever, and her last written words to me, "Keep me safe in your heart", all in that last look. You have already begun to feel the meaning of your wife's words as you stated in your post, "That was her way of saying goodbye".

Because you obviously love her so much, it is normal for you at some point to have regrets for not having said all the things that you will wish you had told her. You may even go so far as to irrationally manufacture blame for having left her alone on that day. As you punish yourself for whatever actions you conjure up that you should have taken in hindsight, remember her words. That is how she truly felt. As tragic as it is that this has happened, I know from experience how much her words will matter in those darkest times when you need them most. Jeff.

 

Jeff, in the short time you've
been with us on GIC, you have
proven to be a natural leader,
who writes eloquent , long
posts ( or "books" , like I call
them), like my friends , DEB,
Gary, and Robin do. I had to
choke back tears when you
spoke of Janet's last day
( physically) on this earth .
As horribly devastating to
see Linda collapse, then die
soon after, right in front of me,
I was fortunate in one regard,
as I look back. Unlike many
other Grief Warriors here, Linda was talking with me, as she had
fallen on the edge of her bed, in
her room in the rehab unit of
a nursing home. I had asked her
if she needed help. She didn't
speak at first, then said, simply,
"push the button" ( to get help
from the nurses). I tried, but the
nurse had stepped away from
her station. I ran down the hall,
yelling for help. My last image
of Linda was her favorite nurse
& others, lifting her off the
floor. After over 4 & a half years
since Linda's death, I would
prefer to remember her last
words to me. Lou o

 

Hey Lou T. I keep hearing this song on the radio. I think it should be your new theme song!
https://duckduckgo.com/?q=milky+cha...i=https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kmgKRmSXQUY

 

That's such a sad story, my heart goes out to you,truly. I really don't know what's worse, not being there when our soulmates left this world so not being able to say goodbye, or being there and left with the guilt of perhaps not doing enough to help them, which is what happened to me. I've come to realize that neither is worse than the other, it's devastating either way, we're still left with "what ifs", and "if only"... "how", "Why?", and most of all the shock of suddenly losing them, so prematurely. Those words your wife had pronounced the day before, remind me of something my C said, ironically, about a couple of weeks earlier. We had been facing various family problems concerning other family members, misunderstandings, health issues, everything going wrong, we were both feeling very stressed and overwhelmed by life in general, it felt like we were battling with enemies, everyone against us, when suddenly one day during a conversation, he suddenly exclaimed: "What else can go wrong? That I may die?". Now, I just keep remembering those words, asking him: "Did you know?". I also remember that we both used to agree that coincidences don't exist. I wonder.

 

Gary, I took the advice that you gave Tim and I googled "The Six Needs of Mourning". You were right. The author describes the six needs in such a concise and thorough way. So many times have I faced these needs and been unable to put them into words for others and to myself. I second your motion for others like us to take the short time required to read the words of this author. It certainly explains why you set up the shrine you described and your time spent every day talking with Cheryl.

I live alone now in a remote cabin in dense woods over a mile from any other person. I treat the cabin and its surroundings now as a memorial to Janet. The cabin walls are covered with photographs of both her individually and the two of us together in various settings from over the years. Like you, I talk to her every day, and it keeps both her and me alive. Her ashes lie under her nearby gravestone, and my gravestone lies next to hers with the same date of that final day, just awaiting my ashes. You can imagine how much time I spend kneeling there and talking to her.

The only place where I feel the author stopped short was in step five, "Search for meaning". He does address spirituality and faith but uses words like "confront", "struggle", and "conflict". I embrace spirituality and faith and would have preferred for him to have more earnestly acknowledged the world of spiritual life to devout mourners of faith. Thanks for your reference to this well-written piece on mourning. Jeff.

 

4

George , from Berwynville,
I listened to "Living in a haze",
by Milky Chance ( had never
heard of them) and watched the
wild video. Thank you! I found
another song & video by them.
called Synchronicity. which fits
me even more. 2 guys on
horses ride into a town where
everyone is dancing wildly. One of the guys is mesmerized, gets
off his horse, and joins in. A
young woman looks him in the
eyes , with love, and kisses him
on the forehead, and they
dance together. The other guy is
amazed, seeing his buddy dance,
that he joins in. Disco Duck Lou

 

I heard that song too, I only know of Milky Chance cuz they play them on the radio. Heard Living in a Haze and I immediately thought of you! Went for my walk through the park. The unDisco Dux say hi/quack. Hot and humid here today and I have my Dialysis party to look forward too this afternoon. Take care TraLouVolta!

 

Thank you, my friend. So
sorry you have that damn
dialysis even on the Fourth.
I've been telling one or two
of my female dance partners.
that not only does dancing
with them keep me young, but
the exercise & sheer joy of it,
may prevent , or at least, delay
my possible dialysis. I love
the peaceful ducks, too. Say
hello to them for me!
Disco Duck Lousterino

 

I will take my camera to the park and take some pics (if my camera feels like working!) of this peaceful spot. Take care Bro!

 

Photos, yay! I store photos
on my phone that my friends
have taken, but don't bother
taking them myself. Others
here don't know how to send
photos to GIC. Lobster Lou

 

I use a old school DSLR (DigitalSingleReflexCamera) camera but the autoFocus is messed up... I did three paintings I need to upload the pics today.

 

Gulp. I still use film, but forgive me. I used to take photos for a magazine. I guess you can’t teach old dogs new tricks.

 

Deb, you're not alone. I miss
taking photos with a camera,
and getting them developed.
It is still possible to get prints
made at a drugstore chain from
one's phone. I liked the HBO
series, Mad Men, not for the
soap opera, but for the nostalgic
view of America in the late 50s
& early 60s: the music, pay
phones,typewriters,people
getting dressed up to get on a
plane. It seemed like a simpler
time , with fewer people. The
downside, however, was the
threat of nuclear war with the
Soviet Union. The light TV
shows like Leave it to Beaver,
and The Andy Griffith Show,
were escapist entertainment
which made us smile. Lou,
a "young" senior citizen...

 

I miss the 50s&60s too. Let's get in a time machine and go back.

 

Hello Deb~ I am working hard on digging out from the neglect I put my yard through, and finishing up my master’s. But something is happening with you and I can’t figure out what exactly! I hope you are okay. I’m praying for you. Sorry if this adds to your stress. I have just been a fortunate recipient of your kindness and loving support! ❤️

 

Ms. Hum, Linda felt the same
way. When she was a girl, she
sang & danced to record
albums, in her room,to the
"girl bands "of the 50s. She knew
all the words. I know more 60s
music, and some lyrics. We loved
watching Andy Griffith Show
reruns.Mayberry reminds me of
the small,friendly town which
I'm fortunate to live in. Lou