I lost my mom in March of this year, to lung cancer. She was 57. Not only did I take care of her for two years and 3 rounds of chemo and two rounds of radiation, I had her in my home most of that time, and she stayed here exclusively for the last two weeks of her life. We have a huge family, and I am the oldest of her 5 kids. I was her power of attorney, and executor of the estate. During the final months of Mom's life, we noticed problems with our youngest sister. She is a young single mom of 3, with her 4th due in October. Her life choices haven't been good, but we never questioned her care of her children. We started to notice that the sicker mom got, the worse our sister's situation got. We all gathered at my house for Mom's final days. During that week, we all became more aware of how much of a mess our sister's life had become. We found out her boyfriend was on parole for multiple violent crimes, he ran her vehicle off the road in a fit of rage, with the children in the car, she was evicted from her apartment for a drug raid, and she herself was clearly using drugs, among a list of other issues. My other siblings and I sat down to discuss the concerns with our baby sister, and decided once we laid Mom to rest, we would step in. We ended up involving child protection services, and I was granted guardianship of my niece and nephew 12 days after our Mom's funeral. Our sister is furious with us for doing this, claims her problems are due to depression over losing Mom, and we only made it worse on her. She is now 7 months pregnant, using meth, living with a friend, and the boyfriend is in jail. There is a very good chance that we will have the newborn with us once it is born as well. During this whole mess, I've been battling a depression that threatens to overwhelm me. I don't feel like I have had the chance to cry for the loss of my mom. I went from focusing all my time on caring for her, to handling funeral arrangements, paying final bills, cleaning out her house, and also caring for a five year old and two year old. Going through financial records showed Mom was helping our sister more than any of us realized. My other siblings help when they can, but we are spread apart and they have busy lives of their own. This has been a toll on my marriage as well. We own and operate a business, and I went from working by his side, to caring for mom, to being a mom again myself. My husband tries to be supportive, but it feels like he doesnt understand my bad days, and they are coming more often now. I envy his daily routine, which has him out of the house from sun up to sun down most days. I just want to go off alone and CRY! It feels like there is no time for me to do that, because I have these babies to take care of. And there are so many days I want to stay in bed, hide under the blankets and not move, but I just can't. Feeling the hurt is a luxury I don't I have. Instead I'm swallowing the misery as best I can, but it's starting to show more and more. I'm so afraid I won't keep it together much longer! I'm hoping being here will help.
Sorry to hear about the loss of your mother. You and your your family did what you thought was right regarding your sister and her kids. You have certainly taken on a lot in that regard. If there is some way your other siblings can help (despite being far away), it may be time to delegate. One person can not do everything and everyone needs a break - even if just an hour or so. Maybe you can get someone to come a couple of days to help with your sister's kids. Maybe a therapist would help. At the very least, I hope being here to vent will give you some emotional relief.
