My sister/best friend took her life

Just lost my beautiful baby sister to suicide 8/12/18. Being 15 years older than her, I played a huge part in raising her, so not only did I lose my sister but she was my best friend and also like a daughter to me. She was battling depression for years and tried my best to be there for her and help as much as possible. On that nightmare of a morning, I talked to her for nearly an hour during one of her dark times. The line suddenly went silent and as I tried to get her to FaceTime me, I heard her gasp and say I can’t breathe. She hung herself while I listened to her take her last breath. Can’t stop replaying this in my head. Feeling so lost, depressed and alone...not sure how to go on and live a “normal” life again.

 

I am so sorry for your loss. I certainly don’t have any answers for you other then to tell you to just take it one minute at a time. I also have a sister who is 14 years younger. The age difference makes it a different relationship then the normal sister to sister.
It sounds like you have done your best to be there and to help your sister, she knew you loved her. That’s evident by her phone call to you. She wanted to be with you, that’s why it was you she chose to share her last few minutes with. It’s so sad that that darkness inside her just wouldn’t let her reach out to you completely.
For now rest in the knowledge that she knew you loved her, she no longer has to fight her demons. There are no answers for why some people resort to suicide. Try to remember to happy times, the good memories and love that you shared with her.

 

Sorry to hear about the loss of your sister - especially in such a manner. It sounds like you went above and beyond in trying to help her. I can relate to not being able to get certain things out of your mind. My mother died suddenly in May. I was the one who found her - and that image is still in my head. When we lose someone we love, our lives can't possibly be "normal" again. We simply have to try to go on and remember them in better times. I also hope being on this site will be helpful for you.

 

I hope so too. Thank you for your words, I know I’m not alone...just feel like it right now.

 

Im trying my hardest to tho k of it this way...she wanted me there with her when she died but I I know she wasn’t thinking straight and knowing how badly this would traumatize me, she’d change it and still be here.