My mom is gone, she was my best friend. And dementia sucks.

I don't know what to do I do not have money for counseling. I have never felt so lost in my life.

 

I lost my husband-best friend of 33 years. This is the worst pain I ever felt. Somehow I manage to get out of bed and do what I should each day but the pain is still so intense after 6+ months. I just don’t want to be in this world without him! Counseling, crying, talking to family and friend is not alleviating the pain. I am not much help to you other than to say, I know the struggle too and I am so sorry you also feel this pain.

 

I am very sorry for your loss and K Anne's loss. It is a pain no one can know the depths of until they experience it themselves.
I see from your information page that one of your interests if God. He is the best Counselor you could ever have. Isaiah 9:7 states that one of Jesus's names is Wonderful Counselor'. He truly understands what it is to feel this deep pain. The scriptures tell us that when He went to the tomb of His friend, Lazarus, "He wept." You can cry out all of you heart's pain and questions to him and He will care like no one else can or does. He brought me from a place of complete utter despair to being able to function in life again. It is a different life now without our dear son Shawn, but I learned that when it seemed impossible to go on I could go on by leaning on Him and His strength.
Call on God to help you and He will. He will support you and help you to go on when it seems like you can't.
We care about you here and want to know how you are coping, so stay in touch with us.
Love,
Chris

 

I recently lost my mom due to a long illness, and I was the caregiver for over 10 years. She had trouble swallowing for this time period and had lost down to 75 pounds. I feel so guilty about some of my decisions of the last week of her life. Taking her to the hospital for pneumonia but bringing her home before they could complete treatment due to family pressure (afraid she might die in the hospital). Allowing hospice in (again family pressure) even though I knew she didn't want them there. She had multiple death scares before and had pulled through thanks to the hospital treatment. Now I just feel so guilty about these decisions since she passed away less than a week after hospice was called in.

I understand your pain and hope you find support groups such as hospice. That is what I am going to do.

 

We all carry so many regrets. It is hard to go on if we let them overwhelm us.
My rescuer is God because He is so merciful and forgiving. Even if we have trouble forgiving ourselves, we know God will forgive us because I John chapter 1 tells us this is so.
When you are in the middle of a traumatic situation it is hard to think clearly and make decisions that must be made. You did what you thought was best at the time and wanted the best for your mother. You cannot see into the future when you have to make these decisions. If you are troubled by them, try to forgive yourself and realize you did your best and that you cannot go back and change anything. If we could see the future, many of us would have done differently than we did at the time.
We care about you here and understand your feelings and how heavy the weight of mourning is.
There is light after the darkness. Hold onto hope and hold onto God to get through this.
Chris