My last five and a half years

BroGar! THANK YOU! I needed that. I try so hard to get thru everyday (I awake every day crushingly depressed) ... no-one seems to give a sht except on GIC... I feel so alone in my never-ending pain! I don't mean to whine. I have just had ENOUGH!

 

I will not give up! I am very determined.. life is so hard lately. I want to scream and cry ... no one hears

 

I keep trying... it is so hard!

 

Ms. Hum, as much as I love you and my
other friends on GIC, it isn't enough. I
may seem like a carefree Lou Travolta by
night , with my "harem" of dance
"girlfriends" with whom I hug., upon
greeting , before dancing. But, I decided
to rejoin a widowed persons group at the
Senior Center , with 2 older widowers,
and about 20 widows. I quit the first time,
bc it was right after Linda's death, I was
the only guy in the group, and I wasn't
ready. In the daytime, I feel lonely and
sad sometimes . As I told George, I'm
tired of the endless cold gray days this
time of year , but I know George's
weather sucks a lot worse, as well as his
life of pain, loneliness, and despair. You,
Gary, and I are here to comfort him,
and I'm sure La Deb will, too, when she
has a moment away from Skye. Lou

 

Hello to all my fellow warriors, my only friends, I've just woken up after my few hours sleep, 5am here. You're absolutely right George, nobody except for GIC, cares about what we're going through. They don't WANT to care, grief is too complicated to handle, especially in a culture like we have here in Italy. There aren't even any grief counsellers, no support groups, nothing. We are not expected to talk about bereavement, just 'grin and bear it' and move on. I think I would have gone mad if I didn't have this great site to come and share my feelings. IMO, there should also be study groups for the families and friends of people going through grief,teaching them how to support us, instead of making us feel worse!
I'll have a look at that video Georgine suggested, the one Lou mentioned is very useful too, I found Nora McIrney very enlightening, a very good insight.
A virtual hug and goodnight to all my friends.
Rose.

 

At least THE DEB has Skye I have no-One

 

So true Rose.. I love you for caring! In this world today community is not allowed.

 

We all care George.

Love you all too.

 

Thank you... I need that...

 

Here's a link to that video that you mentioned:
It's pretty good. And a lot of things that the four individuals talk about, are what many of us are experiencing.

 

Georgine,

Words seem so shallow at times, now being one of them. I hope you know how very sorry I am to hear your husband, Pierre, passed away last year. My husband, Bob died a little over two years ago. Time seems to stand still, and move forward, all at once. Just one short sentence seems to sum it up. It SUCKS!!! Bob was sick for many years, but it wasn't until the beginning of 2018 that I had to become his full time caregiver. By the time he passed away, he had a specialist for just about every body part. It was the hardest, most challenging thing I've ever had to do, but would do it all over again, if I could.

No matter how much pain Bob was in, no matter how much he was suffering, every time I asked him how he was feeling, the answer was always the same, "As long as I'm the right side of the dirt, it's a good day." Bob taught me so much about life. Life is a gift, to be cherished. We know all too well, how quickly it can be taken away from us, TUTTAM!!! (Total Understatement To The Absolute Max!!!) I believe the very best way I can honor Bob's memory is by living the rest of my life to the absolute fullest extent possible, to find meaning, a purpose in life, now that Bob can't be here with me (physically), and happiness again. However, from now on, happiness is always a mix of happy and sad, as Robin, a friend, and a member of our GIC "family," explained her feelings to us. I think Robin said it best. She described how I'm feeling now, after a little over two years, perfectly. My life has become so very bittersweet, but, and this is one of those really BIG!!! BUTS!!!, I'll take bittersweet any time over the alternative.

It was a very rocky road getting here, to this place where I can finally enjoy spending time with neighbors and friends, but even though I can now smile and laugh, I still cry at least once a day. I miss Bob so very much, he was my soulmate, my "person," and life will NEVER!!! be as good as it once was. Even when I'm spending time with others, I'm still over the top lonely. It's a kind of loneliness that will NEVER!!! go away. It can't. Bob coming home (physically) is the only way this could ever happen. It SUCKS!!!

From reading your post, it sounds like you and Pierre had a very interesting, fun filled life... I love that you spent four years traveling cross country from California, and were able to build your dream house, in a beautiful place, surrounded by wildlife, in SC. Bob and I loved to travel, and were looking forward to taking a trip to Alaska when he retired, but unfortunately, he ended up having to go on disability, and he never got to enjoy retirement.

I love how even without Pierre being able to be by your side (physically), you've taken the larger camper you purchased together, to a beautiful campsite nearby, and are learning how to master all the hook-ups. Spending lots of time, outside, surrounded by all the beauty God created, helps me relax, unwind, and makes me realize, that there are still so many good things left in life, even if Bob can't be here (physically) to share them with me.

I believe Pierre would be so very happy, knowing you are doing everything you can, to move forward in life, now that he can't be here with you (physically). Teaching ballet on a volunteer basis, provides meaning and purpose in your life, and brings joy to others. When I was young, I was only five at the time, my mother signed me up for ballet classes. I remember we had the most beautiful costumes, specially made for us, for our end of the year recital. I remember being a little shy at first, scared of performing with my class in front of so many people, but once the music began, and we were led onto the stage, all my stage fright disappeared, and I had lots of fun. When I was in elementary school, I took figure skating lessons. I loved skating and continued to take lessons until my fifteenth birthday. Our end of the year recitals were always so much fun. I enjoyed learning the routines, wearing the pretty costumes that volunteers made for us, and having fun being on the ice with friends, all of us proud of what we had accomplished.

I hope your three poodles make you feel a little less lonely, and make you smile, even if all of, or most of those smiles are laced with tears. I recently adopted a dog from a local rescue. She has brought so much happiness into my life. I feel a little less lonely now that Skye and I are "family." I believe God put Skye into my life knowing both of us needed each other. I hope after training, she'll be able to pass her Canine Good Citizens test. Training a dog to work as a therapy dog, visiting hospitals, nursing homes, hospices, and maybe even schools, has always been on the top of my bucket list. However, if she doesn't pass, it's okay. Skye already brings a little bit of happiness into peoples lives. Whenever we're outside, we're stopped all the time, people want to pat her, hug her. Skye loves all the attention, and sits quietly by my side while people tell her how wonderful she is, lol...

I want to feel when it's my turn to leave earth, and be reunited with Bob, that in some very small way, I've helped to make this world a better place. Up until Bob's death, I didn't have the time, then I was either consumed by grief, recovering from an auto accident last July, or from an unplanned surgery in the middle of March of this year. I know that it would make Bob very happy knowing I finally have the opportunity to fulfill one of the items on my bucket list.

As usual, I'm beginning to ramble, something I'm known for around here, lol..., getting way off track, so will stop here. Back to what I want to say. It sounds like even though you're suffering from the very worst kind of heartbreak imaginable, you're finding ways to move forward, to live the very best life you possibly can, by continuing to do the things that matter most to you. I no longer believe in healing, I think we just get used to living without Pierre and Bob by our sides (physically). I believe that by continuing to move forward, although there will always be obstacles in our paths, we are honoring Pierre and Bob's memories, and making them so very proud of us, so happy that we're trying our best, to live our lives, not just exist.

I'm so sorry you had to find us, but so glad you did. I hope you'll stick around, give us the chance to get to "know" you, and you the chance to get to "know" us. Although I'm getting here a little late, welcome to our GIC "family."

Sending you lots of hugs and love, wishing you peace, all of us peace. DEB & Skye

 

George,

No advice, just sending you the BIGGEST!!!, TUTTAM!!! virtual hug ever... You ARE!!! the UGW, TUTTAM!!! As I've said to you many times before, you've been forced to endure unbelievable pain and suffering, without having in person friends and family to help you through the very darkest days of your life. I know you love your son deeply, and that you feel you need to be strong for him. All I can say is that it SUCKS!!! I guess I'm back to being stuck on SUCKS!!!

I wish I lived closer to you so we could get together in person, but since this isn't possible, I'm so very glad you're sticking with us. You are very much loved, and a very important member of TGW, our GIC "family," TUTTAM!!!

Through all your pain and suffering, you brighten our days with your wonderful sense of humor, play on words, and over the top, beautiful artwork. You are helping all of us get through this misery together. I know I can speak for all of TGW, when I say we love you, and will always be here for you, TUTTAM!!!

Sending you lots more hugs and love, wishing you peace, all of us peace, all the way from TUTTAMVILLE. Debanator and Skye Queen

 

Thanks so much The DEB... I really hit critical mass yesterday... I'm so tired of everything being so difficult and being alone in this. It is cold and rain here AGAIN!!! Of course since I have to drive to dialysis on fast multi-Lane highways full of aggressive A-Hole drivers. I really appreciate my friends on GIC helping me get through an emotional breakdown... I have just so had enough! Lottsa Love from Lombardia, ShitTown, USA

 

My GIC friend I'm with you!, we all are connected but we all have some days, weeks and for myself lately months trying to escape from reality, I badly want to move forward, trying to stay busy so much to do, sometimes positive BUT I'M ALONE, he is gone!!! the only thing I have is memories. Just recently after three years I'm taking care of my health after all there is no body but myself. You are not alone, remember tomorrow is Wednesday, what about sharing whats in your mind in your art? I will do the same... after all only our friends of GIC get it!!!

 

Helena, always good to see you and
George on here, art , or not. Hope you
can reach out to new member, Georgine,
from your state, like DEB just did. The 3
widows of South Carolina are so kind,
that I'd like to move to your state for the
winter, to get out of the New England
cold, but your summers are too hot for
me! Lou

 

"Where there's a will, there's a way".

This proverb has suddenly come to my mind, while I ask myself: Do I want to live my life or do I want to carry on just existing, like I'm doing now? I'm afraid I don't have that "will", at least not yet.

 

Hello Georgina

I don't believe in coincidences but like yourself I lost my husband on January 23, 2022 and for economic reasons from Hawaii we moved to South Carolina in 2013. My belief its that we all are connected and GIC is the only place that I found we can communicate and support each other without judging one another. Here I have met so many grieving warriors and now are my friends that I have never met in person. Take care! sending you my love and many cyber hugs.

Helena

 

Helena, I've become more spiritual since
Linda died over 4 years ago, and I don't
believe in coincidences, either. Lou

 

Totally understand this, Jen.I lost my wife around 3 months back. I understand the loneliness. And the zombiness. Just keep doing the dailystuff.
Eat well. drink the right amount of water. Walk around. At least 30 mins a day. Our grief journey is 'individual' so stick to yours and process your grief. Try and calm your brain down. use some mindfulness meditation exercises. They kinda helped me. Not a panacea. Read up about GriefBrain and GriefFog. A lot of science is at play. And let it out on this site - mot of us get it!

 

Thank you, Helena. I am happy to know that you and your husband moved to South Carolina, too. My husband loved it, here and we both were greatly looking forward to traveling through the state. I am awed that you lost your husband at the same time that I lost my Pierre. You are so right that we are all connected. GIC is a safe place. I send my love and cyber hugs to you, too. Thank you, again, for your lovely note.