Lost spouse of 44 years

Hi Donna
Thank you for talking to me. I miss my husband tedd so so much it just hurts so so bad. It kills me that I can see him or talk to him. I would do anything for him to come back anything. I can't even explain how how much It hurts it feels like my heart has been ripped out of me and all I want to do it's die. My life is over with tedd it isn't fair I want him back. I think about him every single day all day long. I can't stop thinking about him at the hospital that i couldn't see him or talk to him because they doctors wouldn't let me in til it was to late. It shouldn't of happened he shouldn't of died they said he was going to be okay they got the stent but than when they open the blood flow it cause a rare chemical reaction that killed half of his heart I begged them to let me see him before he got worse he died alone with strangers I wasn't by his side I told my husband at the first hospital we were at before he was airlifted to a bigger hospital that I would see him up their and all I keep thinking of is him saying to me I hope so lis. I told him don't say that that I will meet him up their. I didn't think in a million years that would be the last time I talk to him he can't be gone forever he just can't be. He's the love of my life my sole mate my bestfriend I don't want to be here without him. It's all ready been 5 months I've need been away from him that long in 27 plus years it's killing me . He the only person in the world I want to see and talk too