I lost my wife May 24,2024 @10:40 am. we were married for 23 years and 7 months. I miss her so much and I can't get rid of the guilt of making the decision to stop the meds and letting her go. The biggest guilt is I feel like I took her from our child. Is this normal to go this long feeling this way?
You aren’t alone, we all wish there were things we could have done differently. It’s been 5 years since my wife died and I still have survivors guilt at times, but you cannot let it consume you. Do not focus on the “what if’s”, focus on the love you two had. One thing I have had to learn is if it were me that passed, and not Debi, I would NOT want her to have those feelings. You did what you believed to be right and I’m sure she would not wanting you to feel this way. Before my wife got cancer, she came to me when I got home from work one day and said that she wanted us both to get healthier( and eat better and take walks after dinner (she adapted to my poor eating habits when we got married and gained a lot of weight) I told her when I get home from work, I want to have dinner and relax. There are times that I feel that if I would have agreed, maybe we would have been more cognizant and recognized earlier the signs and got her treatment before it ever progressed. In those moments, I feel my ignorance killed her. But then after a while I will know that she wouldn’t blame me for her illness etc So about 2 years ago, I decided to get healthier in her honor as a tribute to her. I walk a minimum of 10,000 steps a day and have cut out sugar etc and have lost a ton of weight. All in her honor. It is something I know she wouldn’t be proud of me for. Try doing something as a tribute to your wife, it really will make you feel better. Remember, she loved you and would only want the best for you
I am sorry for your loss. One year is a very short time to expect yourself to feel 'normal'. This is a grief walk meaning it doesn't just disappear. We have to find ways to cope with how much our life has changed. We all have so many regrets about wishing we had done things differently, but at the time we could not see the situation as we can now. I want you to realize you had nothing to do with your wife's death. It was the cancer that took her, not you. Now you have a concern for your child which is a good thing. Just do the best you can with your child. Encourage, uplift, teach and help her/him to grow physically, mentally, and spiritually. Your child could probably get some helpful support from becoming a part of a sunday school class and you as well. Look for the good and look for oppotunites for you and your child to grow close. You need each other. Your child needs your support so I ask you to stop blaming yourself. It will do you nor your child any good. Keep your mind on the good things that you can think of. Sending love Chris
