Lost my Husband, Struggling with my emotions

Hi I am new to this group. I lost my husband in July 2023. I am struggling more and more each day.
Feeling
Guilt
Anger
Loneliness

 

I feel your pain.... I lost my wife in December of 2023. The pain is always there. It does suck. I realize it is the price for loving someone. I would not trade off this pain for never knowing and loving her. I have attended some group therapy for loss at my Church and this helped massively. It's a nationwide group call Griefshare. I strongly encourage all to attend.

 

Does it get better?

 

I lost my husband of 56 years in March of 2024 and have been concerned that the pain is still so present. I cry some part of every day. I am so sorry for your loss and pain, but you have helped me in my first check-in to this site by expressing how your daily struggle intensifies. At least our pain is understood and shared.

 

The pain will always be there, it ebbs and flows. Many of those in my support group agree that it does not go away, but lessens with time.

 

The pain lessening with time would be welcome. I am quite introverted and am okay living alone. I would love to have my husband back, but I have no desire to fill his space. I don't fear being alone and I'm not lonely for companionship, I just miss my Honey. We loved being together and told each other that every day. We were passionately in love and being together was everything to us. I am in California, one of ten states that have legalized end of life assisted suicide (End of Life Option Act, EOLOA), which is how my husband died after a second round of cancer, his last being a two-year fight. He was brave and positive in confronting a well-fought battle. He was kind and loving, never having so much as raised his voice in anger to me in the 56+ years we were together. His loss is heartbreaking. I haven't yet met anyone else who has gone through losing a loved one in this way. As my son noted, there is no reference of shared experience for going through helping one's loved one take his own life. We were heartsick and yet supportive of his choosing how and when he would end his life. Has anyone else on this site been through this?

 

Hi, I'm new to this. I'm so sorry to hear of your loss. I just recently lost my wife to cancer only a few days ago. I'm a total wreck, and hoping to connect with others dealing with the same pain.

 

I'm very sorry to hear of the loss of your wife to cancer, Billy. Time seems to be the only thing that softens the intensity of the pain. I am a year and two months past the loss of my husband, with the loss and pain still front and center in my life, at least I can now breathe. Words won't help you, but hopefully sharing will, even if just a bit.

 

Thanks for your kind words. I've been with my wife for 20 years, and she's been my main cheerleader, companion and best friend for those two decades. Our chemistry was perfect. I've always been an introvert kinda guy, and have only a few friends to lean on. It's been only 4 days since she passed, and I don't know how my life can continue without her. It feels like a ton of bricks laying on my chest. I'm constantly praying for inner peace. Thank God I have a few good neighbors that are taking me under their wing, and willing to listen and help me anyway they can.

 

yes. I feel the same. I lost my husband of 52 years in February 2025. I thought I was lonely for other people but I realized that I’m lonely for him. I don’t want to be around other people or go out. It’s so hard.

 

I'm so sorry Pearlie. Your loss is so recent and I can feel and understand your pain. I'd like to tell you that it gets easier, but I'm not finding that to be the case. In my little over a year, I have found my acceptance increasing, but my sadness and how much I miss my husband remain clear and present. I have friends whose company I enjoy, but they are social friends, not anyone whose shoulders I cry on. While I think they are genuinely sorry, they don't really want to hear about my grief. They try to cheer me up rather than talk to me about what my loss means in my daily life. I love them, and I don't blame them, but it feels almost lonelier to be with them than it is to be alone, where I have no expectation of being heard or allowed to share. Crying feels almost like a hug I give myself and I indulge often in tear fests. There are so many both significant and small triggers all day every day.

Do you find one route to sadness is reliving what life was like for our husbands in their last months/years, and revisiting the loss they faced in losing their very lives, while a whole different set of reminders have to do with our own losses because they are gone? We lose so much more than our person, which is profound and devastating in itself, but we also lose all the lovely things we did together and will no longer enjoy.

I'd like to be uplifting, but the way I see it, having your husband back is the ONLY thing that could do that. Maybe sharing our experience is helpful in a way that makes us feel just a bit less alone. I wish you strength and resolve in your journey. You CAN do this if you just let yourself be in whatever state you need to be in, while you put one foot in front of the other and continue to live.

 

Hello everyone. I am new to this group. I lost my husband eight months ago (10/16/24) to pancreatic cancer. We were married for 43 years. Living without him has been extremely difficult for me as he was all I had in my daily life. Our children are grown, 43 & 40, and have lives of their own. I do not see them everyday but they are my biggest support during this time. I feel so lost and, at times, that sense of loss is overwhelming. I feel like I have lost half of myself. He retired in 2020, was diagnosed with cancer in 2022 and I retired in 2023 to take care of him. He said to me during the final days of his life "I want you to promise me that you will live your life." I promised him that I would, but in reality I don't know how to do that without him.

 

Gypsy, I am very sorry you lost your beloved husband. My husband wanted the same thing of me as your husband asked of you -- live your life. I know what they meant, but I'm not sure what our lives ARE now. I guess that's our biggest challenge (and there are lots of others, right?). Who am I? What do I want? If I WANT to be happy, but all I feel is sadness, how do I get past that? It seems I'm always fighting my disappointment in not being comforted or understood or asked to share my grief. Although I've always understood that disappointment follows unmet expectations, I have only just recently recognized that besides not expecting comfort, I have to not WANT comfort where it isn't offered. This is harder, but now that I see it, I am starting to look at the ways that people who care about me express their caring, and value that instead of wishing they would do it my way. My son calls me often just to say "hi", he and my daughter-in-law invite me places, and they'll come any time to help me with home projects. They don't want me showing my sadness, but they are very present in my daily life. If I can view that as "comfort", voila, I've got it.

You didn't get any time to enjoy retirement together. That must be one of your sadnesses (among many). I'm glad you have your kids and they are attentive. I find it helpful in terms of just getting up and facing each day, if I have a chore in mind and I do it. Even something as small as putting a wash in the machine and getting it folded and put away helps me feel somewhat productive. I also take a walk every morning and that's a feel-good thing. Keep putting one foot in front of the other and you will find small things that will help you cope, and this early on in our journeys, coping is a big achievement. You can do this! But, I'm so sorry you have to.

 

Quickt, Thank you for your kind and encouraging words. Losing him was the absolute worst day of my life. I do as you do now, get up each day, if things need to be focused on around the house, I do them. I do feel a sense of accomplishment when they are completed. But, when all is done and the nighttime settles in, the loneliness sets in and all the feelings/memories come flooding back in to my heart/mind. At times it feels like a never ending battle between my heart and my brain. Baby steps are what I am taking although, some days, it is extremely difficult. I know, in my heart, that is what he would want me to do. I know I can do this...it's just going to take a lot of time/effort on my part. Thank you again.

 

Sparky, I lost my husband October 19, 2024. I attended GriefShare in week six after he passed. It was my lifeline. I recently finished my second go through with the program this spring 2025 and will begin my third this fall. The 13 week series gave me hope and support as I processed a range of emotions to begin my life without my best friend and husband of 30 years. I encourage everyone to find a GriefShare program near them. It is Christian based yet non-denominational.

 

Hi

Gypsy0424, I lost my husband three days after your husband passed. I was his caregiver for two years until I could no longer keep him safe at hime.. He was in a skilled nursing facility four months at which time he suffered a massive brain bleed. He had been dx 2 1/2 years earlier of a rare brain degenerative disease from agent orange exposure while serving in Vietnam.

I also feel that I’ve lost half of myself. Mike told me he wanted me to live out my life with fullness and joy. I also said I would and that I’d be okay. Yet, feeling okay is the furthest from how I feel. I’m fighting depression and hopelessness and feeling lost alone.

Our daughter is grown and lives 18 hours from me so that doesn’t help. Just know that I see and hear you. Hugs