Lost my best friend to Pancreatic Cancer

On july 26th my world was turned upside down.

Backstory.. I met my best friend whom was like a mom to me in december 2015. I was dating her son for the 2nd time but my first time being introduced to her. Very sweet loving lady.. After a few months i ended it but kept in contact with her by texting calling and even hanging out .She knew all my faults, mistakes ups and downs.i moved 200 miles away from her but the move wasnt good on my family so me and her planned to roomate together after we saved ebough to get me back home to her. I took a weekend to go back home to visit a few friends including her but i never made it to see her due to being a bad time since my grandma and i were busy catching up. My best friend was being hospitalized alot due to chronic back pain .. Onset diabetes.. Sudden seizures.. And silent ischemia and high proteins levels in the blood and she had undergone surgery in january where doctors ignored all the signs of stage 4 cancer when they noticed a spot on her lung that they told her was nothing to worry about.. She had her gallbladder removed and ended up back in the hospital in may where she was repeatedly sent home by doctors who refused to give her medical attention until her youngest son took hher back. She was then diagnosed with stage 4 pancreatic cancer after undergoijg another surgery. She died 2 days later..

I had to find out through facebook almost 3 mmonths after her passing that she died. Im angry at myself for not going to see her and im angry at her youngest son for not contactjng me but trying to keep in mund that he was going through alot.. Her son i ddated is incarcerated for a few years so i decided to find him and write him in hopes i can get closure but nothing is helping.. How do i live life normal again? I fear death of those close to me.. EEverytime i buy something or eat something i find myself ttrying to look up if its potential cancer in the future.. Im not comfortable with life anymore.. I need help..

 

I'm so sorry for your loss. Cancer is a scary thing. My dad passed away when I was 8 years old, of cancer and I found myself as a teenager reading labels for cancer causing warnings. I was so young when he died and he suffered so much that I didn't really address the grief until I became a teenager. I wish I could offer you some wonderful words of wisdom now, but I really screwed up my life dealing with my dad's death and I'm very early in my stages of grief from the death of my husband right now so all I can only offer is my sympathy. I wish for peace and understanding for you.