Lost him. Why. 35 years. My entire life gone

I have a huge hole in my chest filled with the most God awful pain. The hole is where my heart used to be . Where Johnny used to be. He left but the pain won't go. It's been two weeks and the pain is only getting worse. I cannot see how I can continue without him. I want to die. Why didn't I. I watched him take those last three breaths and when his chest stopped so did my heart. He owned me. He loved me and I him. I have been suffering alone in this house. Alone
Help me please