I lost my husband on Thanksgiving 2024. He lived 5-1/2 years post hemorrhagic stroke (which he was not expected to survive) and then was suddenly taken from us. He was confined to a power wheelchair but did everything for himself except medication management. He acted fine that day. Laughing, talking… then he was rushed to the hospital at midnight and died 18 hours later from sepsis. I am finding it difficult to live without my best friend of 33 years. Some days I think he will come back as a healthy person but then remind myself that is not possible. The pain is so intense. I don’t want to be in this world without him!
Kane, I’m right there with you. I lost my husband seven months ago. I was his caregiver for two years. He was dx with a rare brain degenerative disease from agent orange exposure having served in Vietnam. I had stomach surgery the day he suffered a massive brain bleed. When I got to the ER I had to make the hardest decision of my life - to not life flight him two hours away bc he would not have survived the flight. I’m thankful I was able to be with him until the end. But now here I am - alone and depressed and not wanting to live without him. My heart breaks for you. Know that you aren’t alone though it feels like it. You have a community here to support you. I’m a newbie.
There are times I am distracted and OK but other times, when I think about him, it cuts so deep I just want to leave this world. It is during those times I lose sight of everything else in this world and just want to be with him... if there is an afterlife. Not that his helps ease your pain but you are entitled to compensation from the VA if agent orange caused his illness. Not sure if you know that.
KAnne, I applied for spousal VA compensation and am now receiving almost half of how 100% monthly amount. Yes, his brain disease was a significant contributing factor to the brain bleed as well as coronary artery disease (also a presumptive from agent orange). I am so thankful for this. Today is his birthday - a first for me and our daughter. This morning was so difficult with nonstop weeping. Then our daughter called (lives in DC) and we laughed over funny memories. I’m going to eat out with a friend at one of our favorite restaurants to celebrate him. Our daughter is eating at the same restaurant with her boyfriend 18 hours away. We decided this is something we could do together. This is helping. Hugs for you. And yes there is an afterlife. I know this for sure and know I’ll see him again. That’s comforting; yet, I want him more here with me.
Oops! I meant to write that I receive almost half of his VA compensation not ‘how’. Couldn’t find a way to edit.
Dear KAnne, I am in the same place as you. This website has many very caring listeners who actually know what you are going through because they are going through deep grief as well. My husband, best friend, heart and soul of 38 years, "graduated" on February 19 of 2025. I know that my life will never be the same, again, and I am working hard on planning what I can do with my life moving forward without half of me. I think it helps to try and write out what you might do, depending on your situation. I think this is the most difficult part for us being alone and drift without our "mate". Even attempting to write down some ideas can be therapeutic. My sons are far away and don't want me upsetting their lives; I have no intention of considering moving near my sons. I have watched a lot of u-tube videos on learning how to connect with a loved one in "spirit" , by very normal and experienced mediums. My favorite is Suzanne Giesemann, a former commander in the Navy; she served under the Commander of the Joint Chiefs of Staff and was on Air Force One with President GW Bush on September 11! This lady is no fortune teller with a crystal ball. She never was spiritual or even religious until her step daughter was struck dead on a sunny day by a bolt of lightening. I have read 5 of her books, watched many u-tube video and I meditate everyday in hopes of one day reconnecting with my husband in spirit. I still cry often, and I am trying to cry less often. Crying is a necessary release in grief, but I must not let myself take over my life. If you can believe me, I have read enough about our human body, and eternal spirit for me to believe, beyond a doubt, that your husband is alive; his spirit, the personality and conscious entity that you so love, continues on as pure energy . You will be with him, again, when your life here ends. As Rose and Chris have written to you, we all send you healing love and support. You can turn to this website anytime and be with others who really do know your pain. We have to take this grieving one day at a time. It isn't easy, but somehow, we will all learn how to live with a new direction. We all came back to a human life to learn life lessons for our souls to advance. Surviving loss of a loved one is one of those lessons. May things get a little easier for you, everyday.
Kane, I feel your pain and know where you are at. In December of 2023, my wife of 34 years suddenly passed away from an embolism. She had gone in for bunion surgery 2wks before. All was fine, suddenly a blood clot broke free and cause an embolism. She was 59. I was completely lost. I did not know what was up or down. I cried relentlessly for weeks. Luckily, I discovered Griefshare, this is Christian based group therapy for those who grieve. Let me tell you how wonderful it was. I was able to connect and commune with others going through the same experiences. While I was definitely the baby of the group, I have developed a wonderful relationship with all. The pain is still there, and probably always will be, but I have a community of friends where we still talk out the ongoing pain. I truly thank the Lord, for pointing me to this. Grief in common is also a wonderful place to connect and talk out the pain. My life was shattered, but now I am starting to see a new mosaic starting to be created from the broken pieces. We all here know where you are at. We love and are pulling for you. Just reach out any time you want to talk. We are here for you.
