Loss after three decade relationship.

Karen, I agree with you about grief being
evil, unfair, and cruel, and yet I want to live.
Linda wanted that for me. I want to ask how
your arm is, too. Lou

 

Thanks Lou, I am thankful to have found the site here and this group,I
also like using first name too in communicating with others .
Blessings, Patti

Thanks Deb, you and others here have helped me so much,there is no support groups near
Where I reside, I am greatful to have found you all here to communicate with. till now I haven't had
Anyone to talk with who understand.
I have four days to be quarantined , looking forward to
Friday .
I have only been using my iPad for a few years, Am not good at it.
being cooped in has been hard to concentrate,
spending my this week sewing to help occupy my time.
Blessings, Patti

 

Thank you, too, Patti, for your insights &
helping others like me, in spite of your
own horrific grief journey. I prefer
Grief in Common, and our active
participation, as opposed to passive
reading of articles, or books. I felt the
same way about group therapy. This is
the next best thing. Lou

 

SLOW TO HEAL. I WILL BE IN A SLING UNTIL FIRST OF OCT THEN PHYSICAL THERAPY. THANK U FOR ASKING LOU.

 

This is the one and only grief group site I have joined,
I attended a hospice group short time in California,for a month ,
met a nice lady my age at the meeting we got together
once a week for lunch became friends , I moved east ,
we talk on phone often. she just moved to Kansas.
Last year I kept quite busy making masks , donating them
for the homeless shelter, during winter knitted neck scarfs
for them. I should get myself busy doing something again.
Living in small apartment one can only do so much cleaning .
I wrote poetry for years, then my husband asked me to
write one for him. It was the last one I wrote..
On the day my husband passed my only brother
in Illinois was laid to rest, it hit me hard on his birthday
last year. So much to deal with the last few years.
God gets us through all things, HE will get us all through
this horrable grief,Blessings Patti

 

Hi.
Another sewer, you are? My wife was a quilter. I have a number of her quilts, large and small, hanging on different walls in my house. She was very good with making different kinds of quilts. We would go to quilt shows across the state. When I think about her interests in quilting and watched her at the shows, I smile.
And I keep them because they bring a smile when I look at them. These quilts remind me of her intense energy and love of making something beautiful. She loved working with her hands. Quilting, piano playing, anything she can do with her hands. She had an amazing creativity. Last winter Mary crocheted a couple of winter hats for me.
I have chosen to look at things differently today. This past weekend was a hard one for me. On Saturday I took a whole pickup load of the last of Mary's things to donation. It was the last of things that I had no use for. Maybe someone will find a use for those things.
Sunday was not a good day. I made the mistake of just staring at the TV. All day. Changing channels all the time. The longer I sat there the more I became frustrated. I don't usually do this. I usually go do something. I felt out of sorts and by myself. It was a mistake to wallow in this kind of thinking.
But when I got up this morning I thought about things. This is my life now. I am choosing to be the way I used to be. Having a positive outlook on life.
It still hurts to not have Mary here. I struggle with seeing that empty chair at the table. But I'm starting to move in a direction of a more positive view of my life. Tomorrow might be different. But today is all I have. And I am going to try and enjoy this day.

Like the positiveness in your message here, Patti. May you and everyone else here in this thread have a good day.

 

I am so sorry for the loss of you husband and you brother at the same time. I lost my mother two years ago. Then my wife lost her only brother a couple of months later. Now I lost my wife. It is a lot to deal with.
You have faith. Yes, God is helping each of us through the grief. It may seem difficult going through it, but I believe God watches and understands.

May you find a ray of hope and peace today.

 

Thank you Oneman, loved hearing your conversation about Mary and herwonderful
talent. I may eventually take up quilting.
I always loved sewing knitting and crocheting. Gave daughter a large pineapple patter
bed spread I crocheted in my younger years. She has it and an afghan I crocheted
Over her upstairs bannister. I took a stretch sew class so many years back on men's
dress pants, so I could do for my husband. He preferred them over store bought.
He was electrical engineer for Boeing, on space ship and different Planes.
I had taken up tole painting and cutting my woods to make wall clocks, he enjoyed helping
While he was able. Gave up hobbies through the years of his illness.
Yes I understand about tv in fact am thinking of disconnecting from my
Provider, not interested in it anymore, I find keeping busy is good.
Thank you for sharing happy times with Mary and about her, I love speaking
about my Dear Jack.
Blessings to you and all here. Patti

 

Karen,

Thank you for the update. I'm sorry your arm is taking a long time to heal. Although I haven't broken an arm, I've been to physical therapy to help me recover from achilles tendonitis, a fractured ankle, and knee bursitis. Although I didn't like doing the exercises I had to do at home, physical therapy worked wonders for me. I hope you find that it does the same for you.

As always, sending you hugs, wishing you peace, all of us peace.

 

Patti,

I can't even begin to imagine the total heartbreak of losing your husband on the same day your brother was buried... I love that in spite of all the heartache you've endured, you were able to make such a positive difference in your community. It's caring people like you, who make me realize that the world isn't as dark, cold, and scary, as it has seemed to be, since my husband passed away.

I love that you used to write poems. I used to write short stories. As soon as my husband became sick, all the creative energy was zapped right out of me. Maybe one day, I'll get back into writing. Maybe one day, you will too.

Thank you for sharing this with us. You made me smile.

Sending many hugs your way, wishing you peace, all of us peace.

 

THANK U DEB. IT WAS MY STUPID FAULT, DRINKING AND GRIEF DON'T MIX. I COMPLETELY BLEW IT. IT WAS A VERY HOT DAY, I WAS MISERABLE. WENT TO MY DAUGHTERS HOUSE, STARTED DRINKING AND TALKING ABOUT JACK AND HIS LAST DAYS. I WENT HOME AND CONTINUED TO DRINK, FELL. I NEVER TOLD MY DAUGHTER HOW IT HAPPENED. NOR DOES ANYONE ELSE KNOW. I HAD TO SHARE WITH THE FORUM TO CONFESS AND WARN EVERYONE NOT TO LET GRIEF HAVE THE POWER AND BE CAREFUL. PEACE TO U TOO, KAREN

 

I've always loved quilts. My husband and I used to go to lots of fall festivals. He used to buy me raffle tickets for the quilt drawings. The money that was made from the purchase of the raffle tickets always went to a good cause. I was never lucky enough to win one of the beautiful quilts, but I always looked forward to the fall festivals, and seeing all those beautiful quilts.

I still have lots of trouble writing about good times spent with my husband. It's another one of my triggers. Even though I'm teary eyed writing this, it's nice to remember the fun, special times we spent together. Someday I hope I can remember the special times I shared with my husband without the tears...

Thank you Patti, and to everyone here, who has shared special memories of their spouses with us.

Sending you hugs, wishing you peace, all of us peace.

 

WHEN I SAY NOT TO LET GRIEF HAVE THE POWER TO THE EXTENT IT CAUSES YOU HARM.

 

Karen,

I wish you were able to be kinder, more gentle with yourself. We all do things that we wished we hadn't done. It's understandable why you drank so much. I've used drinking as a way of trying to escape from the pain of losing my husband. I knew it wasn't a healthy coping mechanism, but I did it anyway. I agree with you that "grief and drinking don't mix."

Since you shared your story with us, I've been drinking less. Thank you!

As always, sending you hugs, wishing you peace, all of us peace.

 

Dear Deb, Karen,Oneman, Lou and others here, Thank you so much for your postings,
you all are really helping me to recall all the wonderful happy moments with my
Jack before his illness and fall, which I had not been able to do. Being able to share
with you all is really helping me. Hearing you and all others speak of your love
for them and they for you, speaking of them is very special. We can come here
and share with each other is a blessing.
I believe through the group it is helming us get through in our
moving forward.
Deb, the last poem I wrote was for my husband prior to him falling, it is called "Time"
my great niece read it at my Mama's funeral, Mama was never told about Jack's
condition, my Papa knew ; he passed five months before Mama.
Thanks to all in helping me to be able to remember other special,
Loved ones, it's been awhile since I have.
Blessings, Patti

 

Last night was a difficult one for me. I was looking at some pictures in my phone of my wife. The last picture I have is of her in the hospital room. It is a few days before she passed. She is up out of bed, in a recliner. Mary has a smile. A beautiful beaming smile. And the only thing I could do, through the tears, was quietly say 'I miss you.'

 

Came across this-
"The only feelings that do not heal are the ones you hide." (Henri Nouwen)
This is something I've been trying to work on for years.

 

Hi Oneman, I am so sorry,lifted you in prayer.
Hope you were able to get out today.
My little dog and I had to shelter in my laundry room (tornado alerts) for
4 hours off, mostly on this afternoon. Hopefully we're all clear now. Oneman,
do you have any hobbies?
Blessings, Patti

 

I've been through a hurricane, but not a tornado. Hope you come through okay. Has got to be really stressful. Sorry you have to endure that.

I like car racing. Used to go to races when I was growing up. Enjoy basketball. I used to play until I broke my ankle in a game about 25 years ago. Now I just watch.
I enjoy writing. I spend about two hours every day just writing. About anything. Spirituality, the view out the window, my dog, my feelings concerning whatever is going on, etc. I am starting to learn how to use a camera. Not a phone camera, but an actual camera. I used to be a long distance runner. When I broke my ankle my running days were over. Now I just walk for exercise. And I enjoy working outside around the house and yard.

I enjoy life. God has given me a chance to enjoy His creation. I had heart surgery (birth defect issue) 15 years ago. A new lease on life.

With all of this, I find it hard to understand why I lost my wife. She enjoyed life also. Very creative. I still enjoy what life has to offer. I still put my hope in God's way. I don't question God's purpose. I just don't understand all that has happened. This is what is so hard.

I hope you are safe and your place survives any weather threat.
May you find peace today.

 

I'm so sorry you had such a difficult night. I also have a picture of my husband in rehab, the day before I brought him home for the last time, sitting in a chair by the window in his room, wrapped in a blanket our daughter had made for him. The blanket is beautiful... It's a collage of pictures. It brings back so many memories of family vacations we took when our children were small, and a few more recent pictures of happy times spent together. (Our daughter sent this to him for what would be his last birthday, less than a month before he passed away.) My husband was also smiling in this picture. He was looking forward to coming home. I picked him up the next morning, on Friday. Saturday night I had to call an ambulance for the last time. He passed away at 3:45 a.m., Sunday morning, still in the ER.

I'm grateful that God gave me the gift of being able to share one last day with my husband. My husband, although very weak, was so happy to be home. It seemed like an ordinary day. We ate breakfast and lunch together. He seemed happy at lunch and talked about future plans. He spent the rest of the day watching TV, and napping on and off. It seemed like an ordinary dinner, until it wasn't...

I wonder all the time if this emotional roller coaster I'm on will ever come to a grinding halt. I believe there is a purpose for everything. I wish I understood it too.

I'm so glad that you still enjoy life. I know that Mary would want this for you. I know my husband, would this for me too. Life is a gift. I want to make my husband proud of me. I'm trying as hard as I can, to make it a little bit farther down this miserable path, filled with so many unexpected twists and turns. I pray that all of us will make it to the end of our grief journeys, and find some sunshine at the end...

Sending hugs your way, wishing you peace, wishing all of us peace.