Loss after three decade relationship.

Carole,

When you said you would starve if you couldn't eat Ron's favorite foods, it didn't bother me at all. I understood what you meant, but thank you for caring about me enough to apologize. Grief has made me more sensitive too. It's also made me more spiritual, but now I'm getting off track.

I hope you sleep well tonight, and that tomorrow is a much better day for you.

Sending you hugs, wishing you peace, all of us peace. DEB

 

Deb, we really need each other to get
through tonight and the holidays. Even
though we ended up in a small apartment
in an over 62 year old bldg, which Linda
hated bc we were one of the few married
couples, she managed to celebrate every
season in our place. Linda would hang a
fun sign on our door. At Halloween, she
put up a cute Casper, the friendly ghost,
bc we didn't like scary things. Linda
bought a male & female Pilgrim set, for
Thanksgiving, & a fun Charlie Brown
figure, getting on a little ladder to
decorate a tiny tree, with the Charlie
Brown music theme in the background.
Since we had no children, we were kids
at heart, and went on train rides in
local amusement parks, and to Disneyland.
When Linda died, I donated her seasonal
decorations bc they broke my heart , & I
wanted someone else to enjoy them. My
wife died right before Thanksgiving, 2018,
& I haven't celebrated 3 years in a row. I
was invited to dinner by neighbors a
year after Linda died, but I had been
drinking, became rundown, & had the
flu, so I couldn't go. The last 2 years , I
wanted to be alone, & baked chicken
for myself. On July 4th, a wonderful
family invited me to their house, & will
again for Thanksgiving. I hope to go, God
willing. I don't want a dog, bc I like to be
out all day, & value my freedom, but I
like to see my favorite French Bullgog,
whose owner is a widow. We have a lot
of laughs when tourists want to take a
picture of this friendly, but quiet dog.
Sleep well. Early to bed
for me. Lou

 

Hi, Carole! Thought I'd jump in on your
conversation with Deb, bc you mentioned
my name. Never worry about "rambling
on" with me. I want to feel free to do that
with you, Deb, & others. I just texted an
old classmate, married friend, that he
hurt my feelings when he said I repeated
myself. I told him that he had a wife to
gently tell him when he rambled, or
repeated, whereas I had NO ONE at home.
He apologized, & I said I need time to
cool off before our next texting. Lou

 

The past 5 plus months has be difficult, stressful, and heartbreaking.
BUT, today was a good day. Not sure why. I only got about 3-4 hours sleep last night. "Woke up, got out of bed, dragged a comb across my head."
I felt good all day. Emotionally and physically and mentally. It just seemed like things were good today.
Tomorrow may be different. But I only have today.

I am thankful for today.

 

Deb, it's Labor Day morning. Never been a
fan. When I was a boy, it meant the end of an
idyllic summer of being at the beach, and
going back to,school. Now, I'm trying not to
be depressed, bc it's favorite season here,
with all the shops open until Halloween. That
holiday means nothing to me, although some
families decorate their houses & yards. I know
I'll feel better when I walk downtown. ( Linda
& I liked the Petula Clark song, "Downtown").
How prophetic. Just looked back to our
forum conversation, before we started our
daily "threads". It was a month ago, on Aug. 8.
I wrote, under Van Gogh, " Deb, your moving
comment about grief being like the ocean waves, is so true for me. I feel calm, even a
little happy, when I see the ocean everyday.
Other times, my grief about my wife's death, 2
and a half years ago, is like a sudden wave
engulfing my face, and I gasp for air. Grief in
Common has kind widowed people, and it
brings some comfort . Good to know you.
Van Gogh". Last night, when I cried in a
movie theater, watching "The Swimmer" was
a way of "getting it out". I knew the movie
would be sad, but the Burt Lancaster
character had it worse than I do. This am,
I needed to wallow in self pity and grief, so I
played TWO Sinatra songs: "My Way" and
"That's Life", and cried through both of them.
Just now, the sun came out, after a rainy day
yesterday, so I'm already in a better mood. I will walk toward the Neck, with a stop at a
different breakfast place, this one across
from the beach. I will bring phone, in case
a friend tries to text me. I'll also check in on
Grief in Common. Take care, Deb. Lou

 

Good Morning all. Nice cool, partly sunny day here. Slept through the night again, got a late start at sleep, watching movies on TCM. Gabby woke me up, got up fed her, opened blinds/front door, made the bed, made coffee, and here I am, feeling pretty good.
Jim, happy to know you had a good day yesterday. Mary was smiling down on you. I think today will be my good day, hoping it will be. Deb, Lou, I always enjoy interacting with you two, sending a message, waiting for a reply. Sharing bits of my life with Ron, hard to talk about him, I am getting better.( I think, hoping I wasn't imagining it) sitting in my chair yesterday sobbing like crazy, when I felt a light breeze go across my arm and neck. It startled me, I felt calmer, stopped sobbing, wiped my tears, I like to think it was Ron, letting me know he is watching over me. More later, time for some breakfast, maybe a quick walk. Smiles, hugs, pleasant thoughts to all. Carole

 

Wow, Carole, that is so moving . I do
believe you were visited by Ron's spirit.
In my earlier stages of grief, I would
wake up from a nap, & picture my arms
around Linda. It was so vivid. I would
ask her a question, with my eyes still
closed. When she didn't answer, I would
swear softly, & then cry. It's a sunny
Labor Day, so I'm going downtown to
visit my friends. See my LONG email to
Deb this am, so I don't have to repeat
myself. Thanks, Carole! Lou

 

Mike,

Last night I was an emotional mess, worn out from crying, both emotionally and physically exhausted. This morning I didn't want to get out of bed, but forced myself to get up, get dressed, find my walking shoes, and go for it. I'm so glad I did. Fresh air, sunshine, and some TLC from a few of my neighbors' dogs, brightened my mood. This roller coaster of emotional ups and downs is so unpredictable...

It's so nice to hear that you had a good day yesterday. I hope today is a repeat of yesterday.

As always, sending you hugs, wishing you peace, all of us peace. DEB

 

When I was thinking about the song "When a Man Loves a Woman" I decided to look up the exact words for the lines I quoted. Four different singers did the song. I read through each version, and picked the one that the words seem to give the feeling I had. Nothing else about the lines I quoted. No other expression than the love for my wife. And nothing other than that in picking the words.

 

Yes, it is unpredictable.
Nothing like getting outside and letting nature clear things out.
If we didn't force ourselves sometimes, where would we be? Glad you got out and experienced things that bring you joy.
Have a good day.

 

Lou,

I'm so glad the sunshine brightened your mood. I just finished "talking" to Jim and said the same thing. I really didn't want to get out of bed this morning, but I thought of my husband, and how much I want to make him proud of me, so forced myself to get up, get dressed, find my walking shoes, and go for it. With help from Mother Nature (beautiful morning, lots of sunshine), and a few of my neighbors' dogs, I'm feeling better.

I hope you find reasons to smile all day... I'll be back later...

As always, sending you hugs, wishing you peace. DEB

 

Carole,

At first it was difficult for me to share my feelings about my husband too. The tears would flow as I was typing. Now, although not all the time, the tears still flow when I "talk" about my husband, but I also feel a bit better. I hope, in time, "talking" about Ron will make you feel a bit better too.

When I got back from walking this morning, one of the throw pillows on my bed was turned over, in the same spot I placed it, but on the "wrong" side, and laying flat against the bed, instead of propped up, leaning against another pillow. ( I guess I need more caffeine because I'm having trouble explaining, hope this makes sense!) This has never happened before. I too like to think this was my husband, watching over me, the same way Ron is watching over you. I want so much to believe this, I need to believe this.

It's so nice to hear you're having a good day. Thank you for sharing.

As always, sending you hugs, wishing you peace, all of us peace. DEB

 

Hi Deb, Karen, Lou,Jim, and everyone,
Been awhile since I posted, having difficult reading , put off a surgery
Finally got it done. Have to stretch words out on my iPad to read,
And to post.
Deb, In reading about the pillow, reminded me of another thread
here "signs or coincidences" which I keep up with. I have shared
the happenings there that I have experienced, they happened.
I did tell a family member and got the comment " not to tell anyone
else Because they would think I'm crazy." So I was glad to find that
the others that posted of their experiences. I do believe our love one
is watching over us.
Deb, are you still volunteering at the shelter.?I had to quit sewing
project temporarily, God Bless each of you, Patti

 

THANK YOU PATTI AND TO EVERYONE I'M STILL HERE WITH ALL OF YOU READING YOUR DAILY LIVES THAT PERK ME UP. STILL IN A SLING, SMOKE FROM FIRES AND HOT WEATHER, KEEPS ME INSIDE TOO MUCH. JUST TO LET YOU KNOW I'M WITH YOU AND HOPE TO GET BACK SOON. KEEP THOSE STORIES COMING. WHAT A GROUP, LOVE YOU ALL, KAREN

 

Hi Karen, sending you a BIG HUG AND PRAYERS COMPLETE HEALING FOR
YOUR ARM. Blessings, Patti

 

THANK U

 

AND HEALING TO YOU TOO.

 

Patti,

Speaking of coincidences, I was about to write a message to find out how you, Karen, Connie, and Dena (logcabin woman, new member) are. I missed all of you so much, and it's so good to hear from you. I'm sorry you needed to have surgery,and hope your recovery is going as quickly and painlessly as possible.

Thank you for sharing that you've experienced "signs." I know my family, and most of my friends, would think I was "crazy" too. I hope I find the throw pillow in the same position as it was in this morning, after I return from my walk tomorrow. I'll try to remember to fill you in. (I have that widow foggy brain thing going on, so hopefully I'll remember.)

I'm no longer volunteering at that shelter. Unfortunately, while I was glad I could help out, it wasn't a positive experience. Karen asked me the same thing awhile ago. I responded in the thread I started, Memories..., in much more detail. On a more positive note, I think I found the perfect volunteer opportunity. It's also working with animals at a shelter, but it is a better run, much more organized shelter. They have many different volunteer positions to choose from. I want to volunteer to be one of the dog walkers. All volunteers who work directly with the dogs have to take a class, that is taught by a woman who not only works for this shelter, but also trains service dogs. All dog walkers also teach basic commands. I tried to get in touch with the kennel manager last week, but we weren't able to connect. I hope I can meet with her sometime this week.

Thank you so much for letting us know you're okay. It was so nice "talking" to you. Take good care of yourself, get plenty of rest, and get all the way better ASAP!

As always, sending you hugs, wishing you peace, all of us peace. DEB

 

Karen,

As I just said to Patti, it's so good to hear from you! I miss you too! I can only imagine how difficult it is for you, still in that sling, and unable to get outside much. I'm glad your daughter lives right across the street from you and can help you out, keep you company. Backing up a bit, are you starting PT this month? Unfortunately, I have that widow foggy brain thing going on, and have trouble keeping track of things.

Hopefully soon, you'll be able to "talk" to us more often.

As always, sending you hugs, wishing you peace, all of us peace. DEB

 

Deb, you & I are so much alike today!
Walking outside, sun, people, have made
all the difference. We should be proud of
ourselves! Lou