Just lost the love of my life

Hi Debra. I’m so sorry about your husband and the pain you all must feel. I find it hard to imagine a life without Dave as you can understand but I know I must. Every day is a challenge in every aspect. I am trying to find a therapist but can’t quite seem to. I am in Simi Valley. (Ventura County) May I ask what city in Ca. you live? Thank you for your friendship.

 

Alex, it's so good to see you on here today.
I understand the zero energy that comes
with grief. My energy level fluctuates,
even after the 3 & a half years since
Linda's death. For me, being with other
people is therapeutic. I'm lucky to live in a
small, friendly town. After Linda died, I
couldn't listen to ANY song without
sobbing. Now, miraculously, I seek out
live music at my local cafe. I have a
fun, married friend, my age of 72, who
plays the drums there. Even though I'm
not a musician, I feel honored to meet
many of his musician friends. Lou

 

Hi Alex, and thank you so much for your warm reply and for your condolences. You are very empathetic and kind, and I appreciate that so much. And I feel like this is the most extremely beyond painful ordeal anyone can ever experience!! And I know exactly how you feel, because I could never imagine a life without Keith. And I do understand completely. And I also agree that every day is a challenge in every aspect. And so I feel like we need to take each day one day at a time. And I'm so sorry that you haven't been able to find a therapist, as I know that is frustrating. I finally found my therapist by calling my insurance company, and my daughters' therapists by searching on the internet. I know it isn't easy to find the ones who take our insurance...and hopefully you will be able to find some soon. I know where Simi Valley is, and we have been through there a couple of times. We live in Bakersfield, but I'm hoping to find another location to move to... and you're so welcome! It would be great for us to be friends. And I am hoping that you will have peaceful days and keeping you in my thoughts, and please feel free to reach out to me anytime. Take care always,
Debra

 

Hi Alex, I have only been on this site about a month. I lost my husband 2 months ago Feb 8, 2022. After 40 years together, I was totally devastated and overwhelmed with grief. I was so fortunate to find GIC and all the wonderful friends I now have here. Some people would say they aren't really friends, you barely know them, but they are definitely my friends after just one month and I do know them. I have read their stories under various sub-topics of "Loss of Spouse", like "It's OK not to be OK", "Grief Quotes of the Day", "Grief and Laughter", etc. It is sometimes difficult to keep up with the posts/conversations going on, but you will find there are those who regularly post to continuously support each other and new visitors. At first, I thought, don't know if I can do this posting/supporting, but I have become a regular on GIC "Loss of Spouse"...my friends here have helped me more than I can ever express in words. They understand and share the huge grief that overwhelms you when you lose the love of your life....I hope you will stay with us and read our posts. We are here and we are determined not to walk down this road of grief alone. We will try our best to help when moments are really tough. It is a hard road to hoe without encouragement and the support of people who are on this same road. Sending you hugs, comfort, prayers, strength and hope for even small things to bring you joy again, Rita

 

Hi Lou, thanks for checking back. It is helpful to communicate with somebody during the day. I’m trying to navigate this site. It us to quiet here all alone during the day- luckily my son gets home around 6:30 pm and I feel a sense of relief and security knowing I have him here. We don’t talk much of his dad’s passing- i’m not sure why. i think we both hurt just to much right now and find it hard to do so. I am glad that you can get out ti listen to music and have good friends. California doesn’t have that small town feel where people are close. Everybody always in a rush.Check back soon.

 

Hi Rita, i’m so sorry about your husband. Unfortunately we share this in common. The grief is unbearable. I lost David Feb 19,
There are moments when all i can do is cry and others when I scream. I’m 64 Dave was 63. A healthy beautiful man who loved life and everyone he came to know. Everybody adored him. I hope I can learn to navigate the website a bit better but think I’m catching on. I hope I to can offer support not only receive it. I will do my best and pray for all.

 

Hi Debra, thank you for the advice on calling the insurance company. I was also thinking of moving but have no idea where to. I am not in a huge rush but ironically just days after Dave passed a family who wanted to buy my house three years ago made a surprise offer on my home. I think it might be a good time to sell but it seems like a huge undertaking to try and find another home. i’ve been told to not make big decisions right now but ...?
We were planning to sell anyways and travel the country. A nice camper van and our dog.
It is a big house - and I don’t really need to be here but- where to go!? My best friend is moving to Texas in 2 months. New job for her husband. This is devastating for me. I have no family and no other close friends here. My in-laws are very nice but do not live close.
I hope your day is going well, I’m thinking about my new friends here and that gives me a pinch of hope that I will be able to accept each day as it comes. I think you understand what I’m trying to express. I hope to stay in touch with you and all here.

 

Hi Alex,
And you're so welcome. And thank you so much for your warm reply. And I totally understand why you aren't in a huge rush to move, and although it does seem like a good time to sell your house, at the same time,it really is a big undertaking, as well as a huge decision. And like yourself, I'm not sure where we would like to move to just yet, but traveling the country in a nice camper van sounds like a great plan, and also something to look forward to!! And I know how you feel about your best friend moving to Texas, because I had to leave my friends behind when my family moved from Illinois to California when I was a teenager...and it definitely is devastating to have no family or close friends here, and you and I have that in common... and at the sane time, it is good though, that even though your in laws don't live close by, they are very nice.
And my day is going just a little better than yesterday in the way that I have gotten some things accomplished that I needed to do around the house, and thank you. And I hope you have had some peace in your day. And I'm so glad that thinking about your new friends here gives you a pinch of hope that you will be able to accept each day as it comes. We are supportive of each other, and I have found that is very helpful. And I do understand what you are trying to express, and my heart goes out to you! And yes, definitely please stay in touch with me and all here. We are going through this together, and we are supportive of each other, there are very empathetic and caring people here on GIC, and I'm so glad to have found this site.
And know that you can reach out to me anytime.
Debra

 

Hi Alex,
I’m so sorry that Dave died. It’s complicated with adult-ish kids, isn’t it. Graduations are big rites of passage, I imagine it might have been a tough day.
My partner died in November. Just 5 months ago. Like your Dave everybody adored Kenn. He was my gateway to the world. I understand fear. It sucks and it’s not fair but you Will learn how to do this. Living while grieving or grieving while living, either way.
I’m around, struggling a bit, behind on posts, wanted to welcome you though and to assure you that many of us were a wee bit challenged in navigating here in the beginning. Keep posting, we’ll find you.
~Bernadine

 

Thank you for writing to all The Grief
Warriors (TGW),a term I came up with,
bc we leave no widow or widower
behind, I'm sorry you don't live in a
small town. We lived in the rat race of
the city, bc we had to work. When we
retired, we moved here. I thought Linda
was going to grow old with me, but, at
68, she died. Grief in Common (GIC) has
been a lifesaver for me 24/7. We are
here for you anytime, but, bc there's a
3 hour time difference between us, I
may not see your message until the
next day. I'm glad you have your son with
you in the evening. Linda & I met and got
married in our mid 40s, no children. Now,
I sometimes wish we did, bc a son or
daughter could have been a comfort and
might offset some of my loneliness. Lou

 

I'm so sorry for your loss. Its sad that we all have to meet this way but you're in the right spot. We all understand what you're feeling and are to support you. Thats a good achievement that your son has done. His dad was there in spirit and I'm sure was very proud of him also. We've all been thrown a curve ball but taking it one day at a time you'll get stronger. It's been 2 years since I lost Gant and its definitely been rough raising our two little ones by myself but they are my motivation to get through each day. Praying for your strength with each passing day.

 

Alex, I also want to say Congratulations to your son on his achievement!! My nephew is an LA county Deputy Sherriff, and my brother in law was as well, though he has since retired. And I hope you are having a peaceful evening. Know that you are in my thoughts.
Debra

 

Yes, it would be great to meet up. I think you Debra are in Bakersfield's and I think Alex is the south of California??? I'm north Calif.

 

Hi, and I am in Bakersfield, and I agree that it would be great to meet up! And Alex is in the South of California. How have you been, Karen? Hopefully you are having peaceful days. Take care always,
Debra

 

Good morning Lou. I know what you mean about the rat race. I had been urging Dave to retire for the last 4 years. We are very blessed yet very simple people. We need very little in this life yet the perpetual thought of needing more for a safe retirement clouded reality. I am fortunate as you say to have my son. I wish you had the same as it does ease the loneliness a bit. I am hopeful you have good friends that keep you close and offer embrace. The touch and warmth of another is invaluable.
I pray for all my new friends here. I am still trying to navigate this website and trying to follow the names and answer all. I hope you have a good day.

 

Hello Sweetcole , and thank you. I am so sorry about your husband. I admire your strength and courage. Raising two children on your own must be incredibly challenging. I pray that you have a support group that helps.
I am new here but have felt some peace knowing there are people who truly care and understand and in a way hold me up.
Praying for all.

 

Good morning. Yes that would be great. Perhaps we could figure something out that would work for all.

 

Grief has brought knew challenges into all.our lives. Doing things without our significant others is rough. Thanks for your kind words and I pray for your strength. I don't have much of a village to help with the kids so I do alot by myself. Encouraging words from friends here helps me keep.push along with the motivation from my kids. We've been dealt a knew hand in life and with each other's help we'll get through it. Im glad that we've brought u peace and hope to continue to help u keep it.

 

Good morning, Alex. And I'm so glad you agree that it would be great. And it would be awesome if we could figure something out that would work for all. And know that I'm keeping you in my thoughts, and I'm here for you anytime, and hoping for you to have some peace in every day.
Take care always,
Debra

 

Alex, you are "navigating " GIC much
faster than I did, unsure of myself, when I
joined in July of 2021. I had so much
trouble & frustration that I emailed the
founder of this site, Karyn Arnold, for
technical help. I was greeted warmly &
comforted by Patti, from South Carolina,
and Karen, from Ca. Then, I met & became
close friends with Deb, also from South
Carolina, and Robin, from Long Island,
NY. Robin's husband, Ron, died about the
same time as my wife, Linda, right
before Thanksgiving, 2018. I like to say
I'm the oldest of 4 brothers here: Gary,
from Indiana, George, from Illinois, &
Chad, from Texas. Some other widowers
joined us for a while, disappeared, and
sometimes came back.Several widows,
like you, have joined GIC the last few
months. My trick is to ask a new member,
like I did with you, for his or her 1st name,
and that of the spouse. Then, I write
their names, and where they live, etc,
from the "info" under their names. I'm
so happy you are sticking with us.Since
I no longer have Linda ( my best & only)
friend & family, it is very important for me
to get out every day & see my friends. It's
also very important for me to check in
with my close friends on GIC. Lou