Just lost the love of my life

Hi Rita,
I know how you feel, and my heart goes out to you! And thank you so much for thinking of me and for sending me hugs and hope for comfort and peace. I haven't logged on for a while, because I have had some extremely bad days lately, and I just haven't been feeling well. And I started some counseling over the phone with a new therapist, and hopefully it will be helpful in getting through each day. And I'm thinking of you as well all of those on GIC also, and sending you hugs and hoping for comfort and peace as well. Take care always,
Debra

 

Debra, woke up this Sat morning, & was
happy to see Rita, Nicole, Bernadine, and
you. Thank you for replying to me. I worry
when one of our GW disappears. Some
leave GIC ( without saying goodbye), but I
knew you'd stay, but just needed some
time. It can be intense to repeat the story
of a soulmate's death, and how it affected
us then & now. God Bless & have a great
( hopefully sunny) day. Lou

 

Debra, as I just said, in another reply, I
missed you, but suspected you needed
some time away from GIC. Glad you're talking with a grief counselor on the phone. I hope that will help with your
very down days. Lou

 

Good morning, Lou
And thank you so much for reaching out to me, and for being so understanding, as well as for your empathy, support, and kindness. And although I missed you and everyone else on GIC, I did need some time away...and thankfully, talking with my grief counselor did help with my very down days. And I hope you will have a good and peaceful day, and you have been having more peaceful days, and enjoying some time with friends, and your weather has been good so you have been able to enjoy some walks in nature. You are in my thoughts, and take care always,
Debra

 

My husband passed February 19, 2022
Unexpected. Covid pneumonia- which triggered additional complications. Completely unexpected and I am devastated. My son was in his last 6 weeks of the Ventura County Sheriff’s Academy and both of us trying to be strong. I don’t know how he got through this! Graduated last Friday April 1, 2022. Proud beyond words but so bittersweet. I never imagined his dad would not be there standing with us.
As I read through posts I am so sorry for all and understand what you are feeling. Grief is manifesting as sadness, depression, anxiety and for me mostly fear. I am empty without him and am lost. I don’t know what I’m going to do next with my life. I don’t even know what to do today or tomorrow. We had planned for him to retire in April after my son finished the Academy and travel the country- us and our dog Finn who he adored. My best friend is now moving to Texas.I have in-laws but no other family besides my son.
I am lost.

 

Oh, my God, I'm do sorry that your beloved
husband & soulmate died from that awful
COVID. I see by your info that you are
younger than I am. My wife, Linda,
died suddenly, in front of me. She was 68.
We were married 25 years, no children.
I had to see a grief counselor, bc Linda
was my best ( & only) friend and family.
I can see that you are proud of your son,
but wish your husband could be with you,
to celebrate. My name is Lou. I live on
the northern coast of Massachusetts.
Grief in Common has kind people, who
have become close friends. 3 widows
live in your state: Karen, Debra, & Nancy.
I hope you can meet them soon. May I
ask your name & that of your husband ?
I have found that it helped me to say
Linda's name, bc it keeps her spirit alive.
As my friend, Deb says, I wish I didn't
have to, but, welcome to GIC. Lou

 

I am so very sorry for the loss of you wonderful husband. It is so very hard to imagine life without our other half by our sides. I lost my soul mate Ron over 3 years ago. He was healthy, suffered a heart attack that took him from our wonderful life in hours. We ran a business together, we were together 24/7 and loved being together. We also were planning on our retirement and traveling with our dog Teddy. We were married 41 years and loved every second of our time together. I know how you’re feeling, everyone kn this site knows what you’re going through. Losing our best friend our other half that completes us is so terribly painful. The loneliness is debilitating. I’m so sorry your husband wasn’t there to witness the wonderful accomplishment of your sons graduation. But remember, your husband is a part of you. He helped make you the person you are today and he’s a part of your son. That can never be taken away. Your loss is so very recent I’m sure your not thinking clear and possibly not eating. I know you’re questioning life and what next. Try to get through today or this hour and not think too far in advance. Try to make yourself get outside and breath in fresh air. Nature is so healing. Please know you’re not alone and you have a lot of friends here who understand. Sending you hugs and lots of prayers. Robin

 

Hi Lou. I am Alex and my husbands name is Dave. Thank you for your reply. I am trying to get through one minute, hour at a time. I do think counseling would help. Need to find someone in my area.

 

Thank you for your kind words. I’m so sorry about your Ron.
The pain is unbearable as you know-
Eating and sleeping IS struggle. I am grateful to have found this site and for the replies. Hard to post right now. God Bless All

 

Alex, you’re very welcome. You have a whole community here wishing you nothing but the best snd offering any help we can. You never have to answer, reply when and if you feel up to it. I know every last thing is so hard. Lucky to make it out of bed. Do your best to take care of you. Dave would want that. Eating sleeping, thinking clear all become so much work. I have very few people offering me support, my daughter is and will always be my best support. She lives 15 minutes from me. My son offers support but he’s in Florida I’m in NY. But he’s in contact with me often. I know your son will be your biggest support, and you’ll support each other. I was lucky enough that my daughter moved back in with me for many months. She worked from my home and we slept in the living room for a while. We just do what we can to get by. Visit this site often, you don’t have to reply. I joined this site almost a year after Ron passed. It took me that long to even think of it. I was not in a good place at all. I credit this site snd the wonderful
People here for how far I’ve come. Praying for you to have the strength to get through this nightmare.
Robin

 

Alex, thank you so much for your quick
response, and sharing your name, and
Dave's. In the beginning, after Linda
died 3 & a half years ago, all I could do
was weep in the home/ office of my
psychiatric nurse practioner. Gradually,
with her guidance, & through articles and
books, I was able to. function. She
suggested GIC, but I wasn't ready to join
until July, 2021.I've shared the names of 2
books with GIC members: Permission to
Mourn, by Tom Zuba, and The Widower's
Notebook, a memoir, by Jonathan
Santlofer. You are right. Everyone grieves
at his or her own pace. Looking forward
to "talking" with you again. Lou

 

Hi Ann, I lost the love of my life on February 8, 2022, and everything our fellow GIC friends have said says it all! We are all on the same road to grief, some futher along than others. At 2 months, I can feel all your pain. Please stay with us here, it's a long road to hoe alone. Here we kinda let it all out, pick each other up and take the time to listen and respond, There is always someone here to help pick u up if you fall....Hugs and wishing you comfort and peace, support and prayers, Rita

Try to look for the sunshine above the clouds, it's still there, though hard to see right now......we here will remind you! Hugs

 

This is Rita again, so sorry for using the wrong name (Ann) Alex, didn't read through all messages before responding, Hugs

 

Hi, Alex. My name is Debra, and I'm so sorry for your loss!! My heart goes out to you!! I know exactly how you are feeling, the grief is beyond devastatingly painful!! I lost my husband on February 11th... I and my two teenage daughters have been going to grief counseling, and just taking one day at a time, and I have found that just having someone to confide in is helpful... and I'm so glad that you found GIC, because there are so many empathetic, caring as well as supportive people here. And I also don't have any family here, so I keep in contact with my friends. And I would like to be your friend, and please feel free to reach out to me anytime. Take care always, and you will be in my thoughts.
Debra

 

Hi Alex I’m terribly sorry for your loss of Dave. My name is Gary and I lost my girlfriend Cheryl suddenly and unexpectedly 11 months ago. Cheryl is my everything. Cheryl and I we’re soulmates. Our time together was only 9 years but it was the best time in both of our lives. Cheryl died from a cardiac arrest caused by obstructive sleep apnea. I was Cheryl’s first responder. Total shock and bewilderment barely describes our reactions. I didn’t find GIC until 5 months later. It has been a game changer because we are no longer alone. Initially I found a local in person grief support meeting but it only met twice a month. I started therapy but my first therapist was more like a friend instead of a healer. I have a new therapist that works through Visting Nurses where the grief meetings are. All their therapists specialize in grief. Please google Centerforloss.com. This site has an article called “6 needs of the mouner.” This will jumpstart you on your grief journey. The site also has a daily relection about grief. Lou has helped us greatly by providing this information along with books. I highly recommend Permission to Mourn by Tom Zuba. This book has helped me feel Cheryl’s non physical presence and offers a simple spiritual approach to healing. Alex I wouldn’t worry about trying to be strong. What we have learned is if we don’t express our grief its going to cause health problems and possibly destructive behaviors. It was suggested to me not to make any sudden changes. The cognitive part of our brains aren’t working right because of the intense stress. These people are the best friends I have. When finding a support group the most important thing is to feel like you belong. let me assure you that you belong here. We are the grief warriors. We have to be warriors to battle Mr Grief. There is strength in numbers. You are never alone. Gary

 

Lou, I hope your days have been peaceful, and you have been enjoying some time with friends. I am still taking my days one at a time, some days are extremely difficult, and I just do the best that I can to get through each day. And I have been having sessions over the phone with my grief counselor, and I also have my daughters working with grief counselors as well, and so far that has been helpful to them, for which I'm very grateful. And I'm wishing you and everyone here to have sunny and peaceful days, and you are in my thoughts.
Take care always,
Debra

 

Gary, I hope you have been having peaceful days, and you have been enjoying some time with your friends. I have had some really bad days, so I'm just taking my days one day at a time. And as we have all experienced, the ever present Mr Grief has had me tightly in his grasp... and I just try to keep going, because my daughters depend on me. And know that I have been thinking of you as well as everyone here...
Take care always,
Debra