Just lost the love of my life

That's s wonderful idea, Karen. I see so
much strength & determination in you,
compared to when I met you. I know you
feel that way about me. Both of us are
taking pro active measures, rather than
spinning our wheels in grief. Jack and
Linda would be proud of us. Lou

 

Originally I thought about redecorating the home too until I read “widowers notebook”. Jonathan had considered the same thing but didn’t change anything. To me it would be like erasing part of Cheryl from my life. Cheryl was the best interior decorator I’ve ever known. Cheryl combined her antique collection with buck skulls antler art animal skins along with Native American artifacts. I understand everyone is different. Bravo Deb! I’m glad your creativity is coming back.I’m Glad you’re cooking healthy meals and redoing stuff in the kitchen. I just got the book “becoming radiant”. also the book “the gift of imperfection” came too. A year ago Cheryl and I went to the LLoyd Bender nature preserve in Albion Indiana to clean out blue bird boxes. I went there today to do the same thing. As I was approaching the first bird box a beautiful bird song serenaded me. I couldn’t identify the song with the bird and kept looking but never saw the bird. Again it was the bird that sings that can not be seen. I anticipated Cheryl’s beautiful memories were coming. After the work was completed I walked a long trail. The same one we walked last year. I know Cheryl was walking with me. It was a typical happy/sad event but I felt more peace. On the way there a shadow of a large bird crossed the road right in front of me. I’m lonely but I’m not alone. I am a warrior. One of TGW. Just like you. Gary

 

Robin, like Deb, I value your happiness
mixed with sad take on grief. Today, I was
able to walk the Neck. It was cold, but the
sun & blue skies lifted my spirits. I had a
mission, to sit with coffee in the store
owned by a friend, who never knew
Linda. We had connected over grief.
Though a lot younger than I am, the
friend grew up fast, bc his mother died
from cancer when he was only 12. After
we got the sad stories behind us, we've
been able to talk about the people in the
neighborhood. Turns out, we like the
same people, & dislike 2, with whom we
don't bother. It was good to have some
laughs. We were joined by a musician
about my age. The young owner looked at
us with a mischievous look, and said,
"This isn't the Senior Center!!",and the 3
of us laughed. I may have told this story
to TGW , bc I picture Karen laughing at
this. Lou

 

Lou, I hope that you have been able to have some peace, and that your weather has been better. I agree that texting is not the same in being able to have that comfort or a laugh with friends.
Take care always,
Debra

 

I may have heard it, but I'm laughing again to the comment "Senior Center". Jack would never go to a senior center because he said there's just old people there with white hair, ha! little did he know he would of blended right in.

 

Well, I try to be determination in my head, but do I do anything about it? Hum!

 

Jack was right about the white hair, Karen.
When I wait for a bus from the small
city to my even smaller town. I go inside a
senior center, to use the mens' room, &
sit by myself, looking at my phone. I see
the "Q Tips" (!) playing bingo, or pool,
knitting,or having lunch. First time I
heard "Q Tips" to describe people with
white hair, was from a young woman
friend of ours, who complained about
"Q Tips" stopping to chat with neighbors
in the supermarket, blocking the aisles. L

 

Thanks for your message tonight, Debra.
I was about to go to sleep----10:30 pm , my
time, but decided to check in with GIC.
I was pleased to see 2 of my friends from
California, you & Karen. Thank you, the
temps are slowly getting better, & it has
been sunnier. I've been walking more and
seeing my friends downtown. I hope the
spring brings you new adventures & places
to see, perhaps with your daughters. Lou

 

Never heard of "Q Tips". That is funny.

 

KNEW you'd like it, Karen! We have to
keep your laughter thread going. But, as
I told one of your 2 California friends,
Debra, it's time for sleep. Talk tomorrow. L

 

Karen, That makes perfect sense. What your friend did to their bedroom. Personally, I’m not strong enough emotionally to do that. But, I can picture it and totally understand the desire and reasoning behind it. I think if you feel up to task emotionally and physically, it might be a very positive step in your healing journey. I struggle with changing things but I’ve gotten some better, I can change little things without having a super melt down. But before I couldn’t even contemplate it.
We’re all so different in what helps us and what hurts the most. There’s no right or wrong. Just what feels right and might help.

 

Thank you Lou, it’s the best way I can describe that feeling. I recall when Deb first joined GIC and I wrote to her and mentioned the sad mixed with some happiness in there feeling. She said she can’t even imagine that feeling. So strange to have both at the same time. But now she has felt it and totally understands as do you and others. I’m glad you had a nice day today and got out to enjoy the fresh air and have coffee in your friends store. My weather here finally turned clear mid afternoon. But warmer temps are coming this week. I can’t wait. I do recognize your story but it’s still fun to read again. I hadn’t heard the term Q-Tips though. That made me laugh. Robin

 

Robin, woke up at my usual 6:30am, and
was happy to see your 2 posts: one to
Karen and one to me. It was bc of Deb
quoting you on sad mixed with happiness,
that got me to look you up, and have
followed you ever since. As we enter a.
more optimistic, warmer, sunnier spring,
I think I will have more happiness than
sad,with the occasional Mr.Grief trying to
make me feel guilty, bc Linda isn't alive, to
enjoy the spring & summer with me like
she used to.

 

Hi Karen, At times like this, it really does help to make some needed changes. There are things around after a person has been through a long illness that just bring back too many heartbreaking memories. Even though my heart isn't in it, I have forced myself to replace things and paint. It has kept me busy and less focused on grief and loss, although crying while I'm working happens quite often. It also made walking into some rooms less traumatic for me. I find that when I get upset and think I'm really going to lose it, throwing myself into working around the house helps me focus, if just for a little while, on something besides my grief and loss. I know he would not want me to just sit and mourn. We love each other too much to want that for either of us. He will always be with me and I with him....just have to keep going for now while we are parted. Of course, after 39 years, that is asking a lot. But "WE ARE ALL STRONG ENOUGH TO DO THIS"!! We have each other and the support we get here is real and true. So let's just cry together and pull each other up and out of the desperate moments, and keep moving forward one step at a time.......thank you all for being here and listening and supporting - couldn't do it without you!!!! Rita

 

Karen,

I wish you could see the BIG!!! smile on my face... I'm so happy!!!, TUTTAM!!! you and Nancy live near each other and are going to be able to be not only "virtual" friends, but in person friends!!!! It's amazing... how wonderful modern technology can be!!!, TUTTAM!!! I guess that old saying, "you never can say never, " (or worded something like this), is SO!!! true... There was a time I NEVER!!! would have said modern technology is wonderful.

Lou is definitely, by far the UPP (Ultimate People Person)!!! I am so glad Lou has always asked all of us the basics, where we live, our spouses' names... If it wasn't for Lou, you and Nancy might never have found out how close together you live. I also believe God had a hand in this, giving you and Nancy the added strength to fight Mr. Grief together...

Thank you so much for sharing... I needed to smile, I have several phone calls regarding a medical bill that I can't put off any longer... I'm guessing I'll be sitting in this same spot at dinner time, still on hold... OKAY!!!, I'm exaggerating a bit, BUT!!! customer service has mostly gone the way of dinosaurs. Better get off my soapbox before I even begin to get going!!! Going to try to keep this smile on my face while waiting..., and waiting..., and waiting... for that "live voice" to suddenly appear.

Need more caffeine...

Hope your day is off to the best possible start...

As always, sending you and Rambo lots of hugs, wishing you peace, all of us peace. DEB

 

Rita,

This is absolutely beautiful... LOVE IT!!! I'm going to take a picture of it using my phone so I can share it with my friend who became a widow several years ago, and with the recent widower who lives down the street from me. Thank you so much for sharing...

I have lots of catching up to do around here, as is becoming my usual thing, so stopping here for now, even though so many thoughts are going through my mind after reading this. If my foggy widow brain doesn't take over, I'll try to write more about this later... Maybe another one of those TBC's... (To Be Continued)

I hope your day is off to the best possible start, that you are able to keep Mr. Grief from keeping you stuck at the very bottom of his very twisted emotional roller coaster ride...

As always, sending you lots of hugs, wishing you peace, all of us peace. DEB

 

Lou,

You are the UPP!!! (Ultimate People Person) as I recently said to Karen. It is because you are the UPP that Karen and Nancy will be able to become in person friends. I believe, as you already know, and I know you believe too, God had a hand in this also, giving Karen and Nancy additional strength to fight Mr. Grief together, in person.

I hope you enjoy today to the max...

As always, sending you hugs, wishing you peace, all of us peace. dEB

 

P.S.

Rita,

I'm so very glad that you are doing things to make your house more comfortable too, even if you have to force yourself to do them. You are way ahead of where I was at the same point in time. It's making me smile... You are a true GW!!! You have a very positive attitude, and are also very realistic, two qualities I think will help you as you continue to struggle to find the exit to Mr. Grief's extremely twisted amusement park.

Already, you have contributed so much to our conversations..., have made me think... (always a good thing!!!, TUTTAM!!!) I know I'm repeating myself, something I do way too often, but I have to say it again... I'm so happy you are part of our "family." WE CAN AND WILL GET THROUGH THIS TOGETHER!!!

As always, sending you hugs, wishing you peace, all of us peace. DEB

 

Robin,

Stuff like this happens to me all the time, lol... It's just a part of modern technology that can sometimes SUCK!!!, but all things considered is just a drop in the bucket, in the scheme of life... I "get" what you are trying to say. It's because of you being so brutally honest with us, sharing all your feelings as you continue to heal, that I'm able to put things into much better perspective, and make it through those days when Mr. Grief wins our daily battles... Love you!!!

As always, sending you and Teddy lots of hugs, wishing you peace, all of us peace. DEB

 

Hi Deb, My attitude is far from positive, believe me, I have to work at it all the time. I have been through this once before. When I was thirty, I lost another husband. We had not been married that long and he died of a massive heart attach. I think what made it a bit less traumatic was my age, but it happened so fast that I was in shock for some time after with the loss. It took a long time to get over that. Now I'm 71 and the loss after so many years is 100% devastating and painful. After the first loss, I never took anything for granted again. I was never the same. I think the hardest thing to live with this time is watching the decline over 2 years and the hospital (twice) where memories are soooooo hard to forget. With my first I didn't experience the very slow pain and loss, that came this time. It was fast and sudden. He didn't suffer....I had to get over the loss but not the pain and suffering of a slow decline. Here I go crying again.....I'll stop for now and agaun pull myself together....writing this has not contributed to your happiness, I know, but so grateful you are there to listen, Hugs, happy thoughts, peace to you as always, Rita