Its OK to not Be OK

Our new mantra: “It’s Just One Sucky Day”

 

Deb, thank you for giving me credit for my
"it's only one day"philosophy regarding
grief over an anniversary, holiday, etc.
I learned that from a widowed persons
group to which I belonged, before I
found GIC. I dreaded Valentine's Day, and
asked 2 of the older widows how I could
get through the pain of that lovey-dovey
holiday for couples. They looked at me,
with slight annoyance, and said, "Lou,
it's only one day".........Lou

 

New squishy bone

 

Oh Bernadine, soooo adorable!!!

 

Your weather sounds miserable. I’ve had a lot like you describe. You can. Deal for just so long then it seriously wears on you. I have sun today, but cold. I’ll take it. And a possibility of a ride on the beach. My daughter mentioned purchasing the beach pass maybe today. I’m hoping! Even if it’s too cold to get out. Watching the waves and smelling the air will be so refreshing. I’m praying it happens. And that you get nicer weather. We all need that.
sending lots of hugs and love, Robin

 

Robin, I'm with you! Don't mind putting on
a sweatshirt under my jacket, bc it's still
high 40s------BUT SUNNY! That's great if
you can ride on the beach! As I've said
before, the ocean feeds my soul. I feel
Linda's presence when I sit on "our"
bench, looking out on the ever changing
waves,and breathing the salty air. I pray to
God here, every morning, in gratitude 0
( as Tom Zuba said) for being alive. Linda
wanted that for me. I won't lie. I ached
for her & tears came, before I kicked myself out the door. If I had the power,
I would move George out of Chicago area.
I think he wins the booby prize for the
worst weather of all TGW. Lou

 

4/10/22: Sun. 1037:am. I am so mired in severe depression!~ I'm glad you have a life affirming natural beauty like the ocean by you. I am mired in the endless subUrban dystopia of chicago. I don't mean to sound so negative. At least the sun is out today and it might reach 60. I plan on going for a walk at least. Thanks for the Love!

 

Hi Lou! Keep trying... so depressed! Maybe get out today without a car... Need to walk...

 

TGWs, I woke early this morning to see a pigeon sitting on my porch, a mother deer and 2 little ones walking through my yard (which is not uncommon here in the Shenandoah Valley; and even though it is a rather gloomy day with gray skies, it made me smile. It's hard to believe that I actually felt positive for a change. In the distance someone is mowing a yard, a bit of a breeze is blowing and now and then, I see a vehicle pass by heading to who knows where.
Even with my bum knee, which has improved a bit after icing and elevating, I was able to get a few things done yesterday (with Mr Grief hanging onto my ankles at every turn). I actually sat here this morning grateful for all I have learned over the years:

- Like, I have wonderful children who are valuable and caring people, whom I cherish with all my heart because they came to me a bit later in my life. I tried never to pass on the insecurities of how I was raised as a child/teen to them. They were and are loved every day of their life. When my son graduated high school, I quoted Einstein's "Try not to become a person of success but try become a person of value!" My children are my greatest gifts on earth, for which I am grateful to God and my beloved husband forever and always!

- My husband taught me so much about computers and technology, repairs around the house, knowing where all the bells and whistles are that run everything....not being afraid to knock a hole in the wall because there are fantastic products available to fix almost anything. Giving me confidence to stand on my own (which believe me, was very very hard for me). Whenever, I feel lost, I think of things he would say to me. It gives me strength to keep going. He truly is my best friend and love of my life forever.

-Although I have never forgotten my very early years, I have "managed" to unpack a lot of it and it has made me a better person today as an adult. Like most people, I have been hurt, lost family and friends and beloved pets, grieved greatly, experienced deep depression, also great sadness and great joy, seen unbelievably beautiful places and sad places, cried over the state of humanity and the world, felt happiness and sadness in reaction to events over which I had no control at all, wished I could change things for the better..........BUT LEARNED in the end, we can only do and be the best we can, to best of our ability, at a specific place and time and pay it forward every chance you get; It will make a difference in the world.

-I, like so many here, are BETTER more compassionate human beings for all we have experienced, and, therefore, maybe a great positive is the ability to pass it on to help others, ........a few at a time. As they say, change in the world starts from within each individual.

-I am grateful I am no longer the person I was before I hit my 30's.....it was a long lonely journey, one I do not wish to repeat ever.

Well, anyway, I have poured out a bunch of "stuff" on all of you today....thank you for being here and having a place to share. The healing of my grieving heart/soul from my most recent and most tragic loss will continue for a long time too. But I will continue to be grateful (especially during the times Mr Grief gives me a break). To all of you, my friends, thank you, hugs, prayers and hope for some smiles and sunshine in each day, Rita

 

Good Morning Dear Warriors, wishing you all a peaceful day! I managed to read most of the GW correspondence and noticed that the weekend has been cold and quiet for most of my friends here.
Bernadine, Maggy's picture it's so nice!, I'm trying to see if I can draw her picture with the blue bone in her mouth. she deserves a portrait!!! My whole married life we always had dogs, they were our children. At one point we rescued abandon dogs, so beautiful creatures, they love us unconditional!!!
I spent a couple of days doodling, very quiet just with some soft music, at least my mind forgot that I'm here on my own like day after day, but passed faster and I didn't let Mr Grief visit me... hopefully he doesn't bother me for a while. When is Spring coming?, this is a crazy weather, here in the South yesterday was in the upper 40's, we need a nice weather like in the past, I think now, every year is different than the years before....
If I didn't have my friends here GIC I don't have anybody to talk, I rarely go out, last week I went to introduce myself to my neighbor for the first time since they moved over two years ago and now again appears that the Covid is back in some states in US.? I never thought that in my seventies I will be alone just with my own company, I'm always so glad that I found the GIC and TGW that they care and listen to our grieving, you understand our ups and downs and always care and give us advice and soport when we need it. Each individual grief is unique, BUT FAMILY, (my family, older sisters) are a waste of time...so I wanted to share with mi nephew the way I feel, I texted him (he is a 55 yrs old neurologist) I mentioned that since Geoff died feels that I have loss my identity, his response: "Your identity with Geoff must now die too, however you are finally going to discover your true identity! Congratulations! What can I answer to that.......??? so heartless....he doesn't know or have compassion.... and later on in another text "I didn't mean that in any bad way, just in terms of change". I'm speechless!!!??? Geoff wasn't a saint, he did have strong character, but he was my husband I loved him, he always will be the love of my life and now I'M GRIEVING, how can people in my own family don't understand the Grieving process.....???? Helena

Hi Deb you have been in my thoughs and I' sorry that you have had bad days as Bob's aniversary of his death is approaching....you are longing for Bob, physically he is not with you and if he is in space or a other universe he would like to see you that little but little you are going forward enjoy your solitude. Try to think all the beautiful moments you had with Bob, listening to his favorite music. Crying is OK, you told me once before, WE ARE HEALING!!! I remember your kind words of confort and like the book George is reading " It's OK not to be OK".
In one way or another we are related with our suffering, no one's grieving is the same, but we have so many things in common, we lost our partners, we are alone!!. Last week I had a bad week. I couldn't stop crying, I'm totally ALONE, I don't have any family near me, just my older dog and cat companions. I was feeling so sorry for myself. Rita gave me so much strenght for me, to read, play puzzles or coloring pictures. So many things we can do when we are alone, that advice and yours I follow and I treasure them, it help me a lot.
Now I started again to go back to my old passion drawing with pen and ink, I stopped as Geoff's illness progresed. I don't talk about his illness, that is very paintful for me to remember..now I need tissues...I'm going to stop now. I'm not to good at writing about his last days, maybe some orher time because I do need it to get out of my system. For now hope you have a good and peacefull rest of Sunday.
Sending you, hugs, peace and love. Helena

 

George, walked to Neck, by ocean, but the
wind made it colder, & there weren't
many people around. Felt lonely & sad,
so I went to cafe to listen to a singer/
guitarist. I'm sitting at a counter alone,
feeling a little better, but I need to
reach out to you & other GW. Being
alone, on a Sunday, sucks sometimes.
Hope your day gets better when you take a
walk in the sun. Lou

 

I am trying my brother. So far ignoring the depression, ignoring the grief, ignoring the bloody hole inside me. Reading journals from when I left teaching due to PolyCystic Kidney Disease. PKD. Trying to find some perspective. I am so empty inside now... My quest is how to get more filling in me like a luscious doughnut. Still partly sunny... temp is 54. Don't know what the wind is like. ... 12:18pm Sundae

 

I envision myself a big empty circle surrounded by a crust of Grief and Pain. Orbiting this circle are so many weirdly colored abstract pieces that are ME. How to get them through the crust of pain and back into my soul...?

 

He's way to cute Mamma B.

Lots of posts here, I must take some time to read all.

 

George please forgive me for saying this. But it sounds like you’re caught in Star Trek with Captain Kirk and Dr Spock and are being held against your will. I hope you get beamed up real soon younger brother. Take Rita’s advice and let the sun warm your face. Try to move towards the light Bro. Stumble forward and heal stumbling. I’m not exactly on a winning streak myself. You can do it Ampelopie! I love you Bro. Gary

 

Rita and Helena thank you so much for your inspirational posts of empowering yourselves. Reading your posts is the best thing that has happened to me today. My healer taught me to write down obstacles that I over came as a child and on into adult life. It works. Thanks. Gary

 

Older brother Lou I hope your day steadily improves. I hope the waves lay down and the sun gets brighter. I hope the people you meet today are happy and recognize what s great person you are. Gary

 

Yes muh Bro... I feel so trapped by pain by grief... I will go out. I forced myself to do a pastel art thing. It didn't feel great or even OK but I am not OK I acept this... Out into the Sundae Sun! Thank you for your posting Lottsa loves!

 

Meeting people is cool! and interesting!

 

I realized this week that friends, family, strangers even therapists….
They don’t know how it is, but how could they?
Did I know, before I began to live grief, how it was?
Their words don’t land in us as compassionate, their intentions are good- not that that’s helpful though. They repeat what is learned from society. They want us to be happy. They forget after a month, or a season, that our lives are still being lived with loss. Even a loss of their spouse, a parent, or sibling, or pet isn’t the same. Every relationship with someone who has died is so different, so personal. Grief isn’t the same across the board.
I’m glad they don’t know. Truly.
I’m glad they can’t relate to my grief, that their lives aren’t lived moment to moment, memory to memory of someone gone from their heart.
I can ask for what I need, see if they can just sit with my grief without shrinking back… but if they can’t, bless them, let them be.
Come here, or with those who want to try, find your tribe. No need to grieve alone. No need to add the pain of feeling alone from those who can’t share these feelings.
We’re all doing our best. Empathy for ourselves, and for them.
Huge gratitude for the ones who Do “get it” here. Thanks GWs.
~B